Just got back from traveling through Poland.
Most of you know that I planned a trip through Poland back in September. I went to Warsaw, Krakow, and Auschwitz. Here's the whole long trip review, with a picture link at the end. But read the review first before you see the pictures, so you can understand the pictures better.
In case you forgot, it's because I'm writing a novel based on what I believe to be a past life of mine. I haven't been able to write anything more for the last year or so. It was then I realized I needed to make a trip there in order to finish the story. I really didn't know why all this time; just felt a need to go. I realize now it's probably because deep down I'm still really troubled by all these feelings/nightmares, so to write about the more intense stuff, it would be really difficult for me. So, going there would sort of heal my soul in a way. Another reason why I wanted to go was to get more info in general.
I've tagged those of you who know the real reason why I went on this trip. No, I didn't tell everyone the deeper reason why I went. It was hard enough telling you guys.
When we were descending into Warsaw, there was already a sense of familiarity. I thought to myself "wow, this is going to be an interesting journey." I was really surprised how empty the airport was. We arrived around 1pm and there was only 1 other plane that landed within about a half hour time frame.
The first place we stayed was an apartment in the old town section of Warsaw. This area had been completely blown up from WW2, but they re-did it the exact way it used to look down to the last detail. Pretty amazing...you would never think they re-did it. I really enjoyed staying in this section of the city since it was more residential and not as many tourists stay in that area.
We didn't do too much the first day, long story. basically the hotel/apartment office was far away and it was hard to find a cab to get there. We had to get there in order to get a map and ask where certain things were that I wanted to see. But at night, that was a different story. I was pretty relaxed in my bedroom and reading a book by an Auschwitz survivor. The window was open, so I could easily hear everything going on out there. It was the sounds and the smells that made a whole bunch of memories start flowing in. It was really random and kinda scary how it all happened. Now, this is definitely not me making this up in my mind. It's hard to explain...it's almost like a movie is being played and i'm watching it as it happens. It sounds a little bizarre, but I promise you that when this happens, I'm not making it up. I was getting a movie played out in my head of being a little girl sitting in a crowded, dirty old apartment and sitting on a bed just like I was. I was sharing the bed with my dad (who was Keith then, I know it sounds weird but it's true) and some older man since we were in the Warsaw ghetto and we had to share beds and the apartment with strangers. It was hot and the summer, so we always had the window open; despite how loud it always was outside. In the present moment I heard dogs barking, people walking on the cobblestones, and the church bell every half hour. In that other life I heard the same exact things. Then I realized something..that we were only staying a few blocks away from the once Warsaw ghetto. Those same sounds I heard were probably what I heard then every night. That's probably what brought on the memories. Because church bells and walking on cobblestones isn't something you can easily hear anywhere in NYC; but in cities in Poland, it's pretty common (there's churches and cobblestone streets all over).
So anyway, the next day we set out to see what was once the Warsaw ghetto. Now, 90% of the city is totally different than it was during WW2, so most buildings are from the 1950s (typical communist-style). The ghetto looks absolutely nothing like it did back then. There are mostly parks and condos in what was once the ghetto. When I was walking around the area, I knew I had lived there at some point; despite how different it looks today. I can't really explain the feeling. I kind of felt disappointed it looked so different that I didn't recognize anything.
That day we went to 2 museums--one called the Poviak and the other one was about the Warsaw uprising. I won't go into too much detail, but I'll describe it. The poviak was a prison used since the 1800s, but when the Nazis took over, they put Poles who fought against them. Basically the political prisoners. They tortured them and killed something like 130,000 of them in that building. Sad stuff...and that was just in that one building--they probably sent thousands away to the camps. The other museum was way more crowded; mostly with school field trips. It was mostly about how the Poles fought back against the Nazis. That was the reason Warsaw was so destroyed. In most other cities, the residents just let the Nazis walk in without putting up a fight. So when Warsaw fought back, it obviously led to bombing and destruction of the city. It was also about the Nazis and what they did to Poland in general. I was pretty disappointed nothing was said about the Jews in either of the museums. Nazis killed 90% of the Polish Jew population.
The last part of the day we found the last remnant of the Warsaw ghetto wall. It took forever to find it. I noticed that older Polish people didn't know a word of english, but they knew where the sites were. The younger ones knew a little english, but couldn't tell you where anything was. Not very helpful, lol. Luckily I can understand a little bit of the language after studying it for a couple months. Anyway, the wall was exactly how I imagined it and have seen in my dreams. And no, it's not from any pictures. In my subconscious I heard myself saying "this is where Keith got killed." It was pretty depressing, but I wasn't getting over-emotional since my dad was right there. I took a small piece of a brick that had fallen on the ground, so I'll always have a piece of the wall.
That night I had a revelation and pretty disturbing emotions. See, we couldn't get internet in the apartment, and we couldn't figure out the phone card (a young person who spoke polish and english at the post office couldn't even figure it out), so I had no way to get in touch with Keith. Internet cafes are few and far between in Poland compared to here. It was really making me panic that I couldn't get in touch with him. Now, I've never been like this with any other past boyfriends, or friends, or family (well, I worry with family, but I don't panic). I couldn't stand not being able to get in touch with him to say hi and tell him I got there okay. Just then, I had another flashback. It was as if my mind was answering me. I saw myself sitting on a bed by the window, with that strange man on the other side of the bed, and Keith wasn't there with me. I heard the same sounds I heard those 2 nights while I was in that apartment. I was crying hysterically (in this memory) because Keith was missing. He had told me he was going out to find me food. I kept listening out for him, but he never came home. I waited for a few days straight on that bed crying, until someone else in my apartment told me they heard he got shot. Then, in the present moment, I was hysterically crying because it felt like I was sort of in the same moment; except i just couldn't get in touch with him. I realized something then: Whenever he's late to come home, I really panic. I've never had any idea why I get so worried.
About a week before I left for Poland, Keith was 2 hours late to come home. Now, he always calls even if he knows he's going to be 15 minutes late. If his phone dies and he has a faculty/department meeting after work, he calls at the school to let me know. He's good about letting me know things. He rarely ever comes home late anyway. When he was 2 hours late, I was panicking so much. I was crying my eyes out, sitting at the window waiting for him to come home. When he got home, I told him i was afraid he died and would never come home again. It sounded weird to me and I didn't know why I thought that. It was that 2nd night in Warsaw where I connected the two: I was so paranoid that day a couple weeks ago because in that last past life, I waited for him to come home and he never did.
The next morning my dad and I took an express train from Warsaw to Krakow. That was interesting. Nothing is in english at all at the train station. The tracks kept changing. We had 1st class seats and were on the wrong part of the platform. You should have seen us running to get to our car before the train left, lol. And our luggage was NOT light, lol. That was a really nice train ride. Riding through the country-side was pretty. There were a couple moments while looking out the window I started to get really dizzy and upset by what I saw. The trees were just like in my dreams and it was freaking me out.
Krakow is a really beautiful city. It wasn't destroyed at all from WW2. The Nazis walked right in and took it over, so they didn't feel a need to bomb anything. I'd say only about 20% of the city looks modern. We had another apartment here, and we stayed in the Jewish quarter known as Kazmierez. Well, it was formerly the jewish quarter--before the war. Now, I didn't feel any personal connection to this city. But it was still interesting and enjoyable seeing the beautiful architecture.
Now, Krakow is most known for Schindler's list. That's where the movie was filmed. Oskar Schindler's factory is there, along with a couple famous churches, the Vavel castle, and the Krakow ghetto. The movie was actually filmed on the same block that we stayed on. The Krakow ghetto wasn't there like it was depicted in the movie. Spielberg wanted to use the Kazmierez area because it looks more authentic since nothing has changed since the 1930s/40s. The Krakow ghetto has changed a bit since there are a number of modern buildings. I actually found the spot where a major scene in Schindler's list was filmed. It was the liquidation of the ghetto where the Nazis were ordering them all out of their apartments and dumping their suitcases over balconies. They then were running downstairs out of the building and along the street. I stayed just a couple buildings from where this was shot. It was also the scene when the little boy who was part of the Jewish police hid the mother and daughter from the Nazis under the staircase. I'll show you pictures of it. It looks exactly the same.
I won't go into too much detail about being here since you'll see the pictures. The second day we went on a Krakow bike tour--so much fun!! it was really interesting too. I got loads of information about the city. It was like 2 days of sightseeing done in 4 hours since we were on bikes. It was COLD that day. The only semi-bad weather day. It was drizzly and about 38 degrees. The rest of the time it was sunny and around 60. Go figure--the coldest day that week and we were on bikes, lol. This city is gorgeous. The whole country is underrated when it comes to its amazing architecture; which has a german and russian influence. Especially Krakow. That city has to be one of the holiest cities in the world. Tons and tons of churches, and beautiful ones at that. They practically worship Pope John Paul II since he hails from there. They're all very religious in that city, according to the stories the tour guide was saying. Anyway, he took us all through the city. The old town used to be surrounded by a moat in the middle ages. 2 sections of the wall that protected the city are still standing. Towards the end of the tour he took us to Schindler's factory. It's very modern looking now. Nothing like it does in movies. It's being turned into a big museum, so I wasn't able to go in. I did take a couple pictures looking in from the window though. Last stop was seeing a fragment of the Krakow ghetto wall. It's much taller than the Warsaw wall. It has a curved shape on top, which I was told is supposed to resemble tombstones; to scare the Jews and have it symbolically resemble the ghetto being a tomb for the Jews. Very sad how they would do something like that, those jerks.
Each morning we had such a hard time finding somewhere to have breakfast. I learned Polish people don't really eat full breakfasts like we do. By the 4th day I was REALLY craving a good, filling breakfast. We walked around for nearly a half hour looking for somewhere to eat that 2nd morning in Krakow. We found this all-natural restaurant that had African/Asian influence. Turns out it's run by 2 famous Polish actors. When the waitress found out I was from NY, she said the owners are going to NY in June and asked for my email address so they can email me. She told me they might want to ask me if I'd give them a tour. How cool would that be, to take Polish actors around the city? lol
Very early the next morning we took the train to Auschwitz. I kept thinking to myself "this is what I've been preparing myself for since I was a kid." It was kind of a scary train ride, to be honest. It was a really small train, and the train cars had to have been from the 40s or 50s. There was hardly anyone on the train. I think maybe 8 others, lol. Our hotel was conveniently located right across the street from Auschwitz 1. Here's a little clarification: Auschwitz 1 is the camp where you see all the brick buildings that look like office buildings and where the Arbeit macht frei sign is. About half of the buildings are made into a museum that houses former possessions of the prisoners and has pictures and all. There's 1 gas chamber there, which you can go inside. It's the only one still standing (germans blew them up towards the end of the war). Auschwitz II, also known as Birkenau, was where the real death camp was. That's where all the gas chambers are, where they worked, etc. It's the one with the tall building with the railroad tracks going through it.
Honestly, I didn't feel anything going through Auschwitz II. I mean personally, like any memories. It was fascinating going through there though. I learned a lot; despite the research I've done over the years. It seems they mostly housed the political prisoners there. The Jews and others worked/lived in the buildings early on--like around 1939-1941 or so. Then Birkenau was built.
You'll see the pictures I took there to learn what I saw there, so I don't have to go into too much detail (I'm trying not to make this too long, and my fingers hurt from typing, lol). When I got to Birkenau, it was immediately familiar. I had such a feeling of fear when I saw the tower. When I got off the bus, I went straight up to the watch tower to get a view of the whole camp. It honestly didn't look that big. Boy, was I wrong!!! It's huge. I went to Birkenau without my dad since he wanted to rest a while. We decided we would meet up with each other late. He was going to visit a little later on. I told him I kind of wanted to be there alone most of the time so I could think. He understood (he doesn't know about the whole past life stuff). He understood that I wanted to think and research for my story, which is also partly true.
I felt the need to walk to the back of the camp first; to find the spot that's always in my dreams. I knew where to go; I felt I didn't even need a map. I wanted to experience it exactly like I always imagined it happened. I walked past everything; figuring I would see it on the way back. I walked where the trains let off the passengers. I kind of timed how long it took me to walk to the back corner of the camp, because in my dream it ends up being nearly 20 minutes. It was a long walk from what I remember. And I was right--it was about that long, just like in the dream. As I was getting closer and closer, I had this real sense of dread. It was like I was living the moment all over again and it was freaking me out. In my head were thoughts of loneliness since I was all alone and didn't know anyone else who was there walking with me. The closer I got, the more I started to cry (and to be honest, I really don't cry much at all). I kept getting this feeling in my head that was saying "this is where I died." I walked to the back of the camp where no one was. I couldn't see anyone in sight. I walked into the woods where there was a pathway leading through--EXACTLY like in my dreams. The same type of trees and everything. It was incredibly freaky. It was really starting to get bad then. I was getting really really emotional. I finally made it to the end and something in my mind said "my ashes are in the ground in this spot." I looked around and stood there for a little while. I saw a road that was near the woods and just knew that it never existed then. There were also more trees around. It was now near a road and a few houses, which were never there then. I felt like I knew the area really well. There was a large pond not far away, so i sat down to reflect on everything. I was all alone, and the only sounds were the birds chirping. I couldn't hear cars or people. Then I had this amazing feeling inside. I felt really, really peaceful inside. It was almost like a rush through my chest that lifted out of me. It's hard to explain how it really felt. I never felt anything so nice in my life. It felt like all the negative stuff lifted out of me. I had never felt so at peace in my life. It felt so good that I became teary eyed. I felt like someone was telling me in my head, "The nightmares are gone and you won't be scared and scarred anymore. You're at peace with what happened and things will really start to change in your life." After that, I walked back as a happier person.
I went to see the rest of the camp after that. There was something very strange/gross around that area near the woods. The ground was unusually soft, the leaves were gray, and I was seeing these small mounds of gray all over the place. I was thinking to myself, "there's no way there can be ash all these years later." But I REALLY did look like it. When I kicked the piles, it would get a little smokey. I later asked my dad about it, and he said it could be possible. he said that the animals and birds are probably digging up what's underneath since it's spring and they're out now. So maybe that's how it appeared. I COULD be wrong, but I swear it is. There were a few small ponds that had it a lot. My shoes were nearly gray when I left. This is kind of gross, but I picked up a piece and put it in a plastic bag; kind of as a remembrance of the people who perished there. I also took a small piece from 2 of the demolished crematoriums. You can see what i mean in my pictures. Tell me if you think it looks like ash.
There were a few barracks that didn't have yellow tape around them, so I went over the the windows to peer in. I took pictures with my camera against the windows. I felt those buildings were much more real than the 3 barracks they set up for people to tour. It wasn't all polished up like the other barracks were that we can go into. These probably didn't look much different compared to then. Nothing much was changed in those few that I saw. One in particular had a small window that had been broken, so I was able to peer in. It smelled god-awful. Like a mix of mold and dead bodies. Never want to smell that again. i was coughing and felt like I was choking; that's how bad it smelled.
When you look at my pics, you'll see the woods and the trail I'm talking about that is from my dream. I don't have it labeled.
As people were walking around observing things, I had this strange urge to tell them "This is what I went through, along with millions of others."
I ended up walking around Birkenau for 5 hours. Most guides say that the average person walks around there for about an hour and a half. haha, not true with me. You can bet I walked every nick and cranny in that camp to get the most out of it.
Later that night I wanted to do something instead of sitting in the hotel room. I decided I was going to walk across the street and walk the grounds of Auschwitz 1. It was going to be double as creepy, but I thought it would be fun. What other chance would I have at doing this? I ended up seeing about 7 child spirits while I was there. I had never seen anything like it; they were running all around me.
The next morning (Easter) we were going to take a train back to Warsaw. We had to transfer in Czechowice--a really small town on the Czech/Poland border. It was right near the mountains, which were beautiful. The train station was really, really old. It looked like it hadn't been renovated at all and was built around the late 1800s. I could picture Nazis walking through the station; that's how old it looked.
That last day in Warsaw was spent walking around the only section of the city that has a few very old buildings left. The ones that are left are beautiful. It's too bad so much of the city got destroyed. We went back to Novy Swiat because my dad wanted to take a picture of the Copernicus statue (who's from Poland).
So that more or less ends my trip. It really was an emotional and spiritual awakening trip. I'm so glad I went. I feel like it was a life changing trip. I feel like the scars from that past life have held me down in certain aspects of my life--mostly spiritually and career-wise. There are other careers I want to pursue on the side, and I feel like it's been holding me back (writing being one of the main ones).
Many times while I was over there I was thinking of my friend Tonya, because she had told me she visited the camp not too long ago. She's always been an interesting sort of person to me. I briefly met her at 2 different times while at duran duran shows. We have only actually spoken to one another a total of about 2 minutes in person. But those 2 brief times I saw her, I felt like I already knew her. It was weird. We started talking online, and it was as if I had known her my whole life. We feel really comfortable talking about psychic/spiritual things. She's one of the very few people I can confide in with talking about that stuff. She had told me she's had dreams too of being in the camp and experiencing it with her sister. Her story of what she experienced is so similar to mine. Now, I'm sure a lot of the visitors' stories are the same, but I mean the emotional connection she has to the camp. She said she's had nightmares since she was a kid. While I was over there, I really felt like I knew her in that life. I feel like I have a certain understanding with her. I feel like I have only experienced about 5 of them ever in my life, but I feel like she's a kindred spirit from that life. It basically means someone you just know you have known much longer than you have, and you have an understanding of them and a special connection with. I have it with Keith, Sam, my mom, and most likely her. Those are the only people I've ever felt it with.
I hope you all can comment, because I'd love to hear your reactions. not only that, but I'd LOVE to
discuss about it. You now I like talking about this stuff.
Pictures link--
http://share.shutterfly.com/view/flashShareSlideshow.jsp?sid=8AZNGbRw5cOXLQ
In case you forgot, it's because I'm writing a novel based on what I believe to be a past life of mine. I haven't been able to write anything more for the last year or so. It was then I realized I needed to make a trip there in order to finish the story. I really didn't know why all this time; just felt a need to go. I realize now it's probably because deep down I'm still really troubled by all these feelings/nightmares, so to write about the more intense stuff, it would be really difficult for me. So, going there would sort of heal my soul in a way. Another reason why I wanted to go was to get more info in general.
I've tagged those of you who know the real reason why I went on this trip. No, I didn't tell everyone the deeper reason why I went. It was hard enough telling you guys.
When we were descending into Warsaw, there was already a sense of familiarity. I thought to myself "wow, this is going to be an interesting journey." I was really surprised how empty the airport was. We arrived around 1pm and there was only 1 other plane that landed within about a half hour time frame.
The first place we stayed was an apartment in the old town section of Warsaw. This area had been completely blown up from WW2, but they re-did it the exact way it used to look down to the last detail. Pretty amazing...you would never think they re-did it. I really enjoyed staying in this section of the city since it was more residential and not as many tourists stay in that area.
We didn't do too much the first day, long story. basically the hotel/apartment office was far away and it was hard to find a cab to get there. We had to get there in order to get a map and ask where certain things were that I wanted to see. But at night, that was a different story. I was pretty relaxed in my bedroom and reading a book by an Auschwitz survivor. The window was open, so I could easily hear everything going on out there. It was the sounds and the smells that made a whole bunch of memories start flowing in. It was really random and kinda scary how it all happened. Now, this is definitely not me making this up in my mind. It's hard to explain...it's almost like a movie is being played and i'm watching it as it happens. It sounds a little bizarre, but I promise you that when this happens, I'm not making it up. I was getting a movie played out in my head of being a little girl sitting in a crowded, dirty old apartment and sitting on a bed just like I was. I was sharing the bed with my dad (who was Keith then, I know it sounds weird but it's true) and some older man since we were in the Warsaw ghetto and we had to share beds and the apartment with strangers. It was hot and the summer, so we always had the window open; despite how loud it always was outside. In the present moment I heard dogs barking, people walking on the cobblestones, and the church bell every half hour. In that other life I heard the same exact things. Then I realized something..that we were only staying a few blocks away from the once Warsaw ghetto. Those same sounds I heard were probably what I heard then every night. That's probably what brought on the memories. Because church bells and walking on cobblestones isn't something you can easily hear anywhere in NYC; but in cities in Poland, it's pretty common (there's churches and cobblestone streets all over).
So anyway, the next day we set out to see what was once the Warsaw ghetto. Now, 90% of the city is totally different than it was during WW2, so most buildings are from the 1950s (typical communist-style). The ghetto looks absolutely nothing like it did back then. There are mostly parks and condos in what was once the ghetto. When I was walking around the area, I knew I had lived there at some point; despite how different it looks today. I can't really explain the feeling. I kind of felt disappointed it looked so different that I didn't recognize anything.
That day we went to 2 museums--one called the Poviak and the other one was about the Warsaw uprising. I won't go into too much detail, but I'll describe it. The poviak was a prison used since the 1800s, but when the Nazis took over, they put Poles who fought against them. Basically the political prisoners. They tortured them and killed something like 130,000 of them in that building. Sad stuff...and that was just in that one building--they probably sent thousands away to the camps. The other museum was way more crowded; mostly with school field trips. It was mostly about how the Poles fought back against the Nazis. That was the reason Warsaw was so destroyed. In most other cities, the residents just let the Nazis walk in without putting up a fight. So when Warsaw fought back, it obviously led to bombing and destruction of the city. It was also about the Nazis and what they did to Poland in general. I was pretty disappointed nothing was said about the Jews in either of the museums. Nazis killed 90% of the Polish Jew population.
The last part of the day we found the last remnant of the Warsaw ghetto wall. It took forever to find it. I noticed that older Polish people didn't know a word of english, but they knew where the sites were. The younger ones knew a little english, but couldn't tell you where anything was. Not very helpful, lol. Luckily I can understand a little bit of the language after studying it for a couple months. Anyway, the wall was exactly how I imagined it and have seen in my dreams. And no, it's not from any pictures. In my subconscious I heard myself saying "this is where Keith got killed." It was pretty depressing, but I wasn't getting over-emotional since my dad was right there. I took a small piece of a brick that had fallen on the ground, so I'll always have a piece of the wall.
That night I had a revelation and pretty disturbing emotions. See, we couldn't get internet in the apartment, and we couldn't figure out the phone card (a young person who spoke polish and english at the post office couldn't even figure it out), so I had no way to get in touch with Keith. Internet cafes are few and far between in Poland compared to here. It was really making me panic that I couldn't get in touch with him. Now, I've never been like this with any other past boyfriends, or friends, or family (well, I worry with family, but I don't panic). I couldn't stand not being able to get in touch with him to say hi and tell him I got there okay. Just then, I had another flashback. It was as if my mind was answering me. I saw myself sitting on a bed by the window, with that strange man on the other side of the bed, and Keith wasn't there with me. I heard the same sounds I heard those 2 nights while I was in that apartment. I was crying hysterically (in this memory) because Keith was missing. He had told me he was going out to find me food. I kept listening out for him, but he never came home. I waited for a few days straight on that bed crying, until someone else in my apartment told me they heard he got shot. Then, in the present moment, I was hysterically crying because it felt like I was sort of in the same moment; except i just couldn't get in touch with him. I realized something then: Whenever he's late to come home, I really panic. I've never had any idea why I get so worried.
About a week before I left for Poland, Keith was 2 hours late to come home. Now, he always calls even if he knows he's going to be 15 minutes late. If his phone dies and he has a faculty/department meeting after work, he calls at the school to let me know. He's good about letting me know things. He rarely ever comes home late anyway. When he was 2 hours late, I was panicking so much. I was crying my eyes out, sitting at the window waiting for him to come home. When he got home, I told him i was afraid he died and would never come home again. It sounded weird to me and I didn't know why I thought that. It was that 2nd night in Warsaw where I connected the two: I was so paranoid that day a couple weeks ago because in that last past life, I waited for him to come home and he never did.
The next morning my dad and I took an express train from Warsaw to Krakow. That was interesting. Nothing is in english at all at the train station. The tracks kept changing. We had 1st class seats and were on the wrong part of the platform. You should have seen us running to get to our car before the train left, lol. And our luggage was NOT light, lol. That was a really nice train ride. Riding through the country-side was pretty. There were a couple moments while looking out the window I started to get really dizzy and upset by what I saw. The trees were just like in my dreams and it was freaking me out.
Krakow is a really beautiful city. It wasn't destroyed at all from WW2. The Nazis walked right in and took it over, so they didn't feel a need to bomb anything. I'd say only about 20% of the city looks modern. We had another apartment here, and we stayed in the Jewish quarter known as Kazmierez. Well, it was formerly the jewish quarter--before the war. Now, I didn't feel any personal connection to this city. But it was still interesting and enjoyable seeing the beautiful architecture.
Now, Krakow is most known for Schindler's list. That's where the movie was filmed. Oskar Schindler's factory is there, along with a couple famous churches, the Vavel castle, and the Krakow ghetto. The movie was actually filmed on the same block that we stayed on. The Krakow ghetto wasn't there like it was depicted in the movie. Spielberg wanted to use the Kazmierez area because it looks more authentic since nothing has changed since the 1930s/40s. The Krakow ghetto has changed a bit since there are a number of modern buildings. I actually found the spot where a major scene in Schindler's list was filmed. It was the liquidation of the ghetto where the Nazis were ordering them all out of their apartments and dumping their suitcases over balconies. They then were running downstairs out of the building and along the street. I stayed just a couple buildings from where this was shot. It was also the scene when the little boy who was part of the Jewish police hid the mother and daughter from the Nazis under the staircase. I'll show you pictures of it. It looks exactly the same.
I won't go into too much detail about being here since you'll see the pictures. The second day we went on a Krakow bike tour--so much fun!! it was really interesting too. I got loads of information about the city. It was like 2 days of sightseeing done in 4 hours since we were on bikes. It was COLD that day. The only semi-bad weather day. It was drizzly and about 38 degrees. The rest of the time it was sunny and around 60. Go figure--the coldest day that week and we were on bikes, lol. This city is gorgeous. The whole country is underrated when it comes to its amazing architecture; which has a german and russian influence. Especially Krakow. That city has to be one of the holiest cities in the world. Tons and tons of churches, and beautiful ones at that. They practically worship Pope John Paul II since he hails from there. They're all very religious in that city, according to the stories the tour guide was saying. Anyway, he took us all through the city. The old town used to be surrounded by a moat in the middle ages. 2 sections of the wall that protected the city are still standing. Towards the end of the tour he took us to Schindler's factory. It's very modern looking now. Nothing like it does in movies. It's being turned into a big museum, so I wasn't able to go in. I did take a couple pictures looking in from the window though. Last stop was seeing a fragment of the Krakow ghetto wall. It's much taller than the Warsaw wall. It has a curved shape on top, which I was told is supposed to resemble tombstones; to scare the Jews and have it symbolically resemble the ghetto being a tomb for the Jews. Very sad how they would do something like that, those jerks.
Each morning we had such a hard time finding somewhere to have breakfast. I learned Polish people don't really eat full breakfasts like we do. By the 4th day I was REALLY craving a good, filling breakfast. We walked around for nearly a half hour looking for somewhere to eat that 2nd morning in Krakow. We found this all-natural restaurant that had African/Asian influence. Turns out it's run by 2 famous Polish actors. When the waitress found out I was from NY, she said the owners are going to NY in June and asked for my email address so they can email me. She told me they might want to ask me if I'd give them a tour. How cool would that be, to take Polish actors around the city? lol
Very early the next morning we took the train to Auschwitz. I kept thinking to myself "this is what I've been preparing myself for since I was a kid." It was kind of a scary train ride, to be honest. It was a really small train, and the train cars had to have been from the 40s or 50s. There was hardly anyone on the train. I think maybe 8 others, lol. Our hotel was conveniently located right across the street from Auschwitz 1. Here's a little clarification: Auschwitz 1 is the camp where you see all the brick buildings that look like office buildings and where the Arbeit macht frei sign is. About half of the buildings are made into a museum that houses former possessions of the prisoners and has pictures and all. There's 1 gas chamber there, which you can go inside. It's the only one still standing (germans blew them up towards the end of the war). Auschwitz II, also known as Birkenau, was where the real death camp was. That's where all the gas chambers are, where they worked, etc. It's the one with the tall building with the railroad tracks going through it.
Honestly, I didn't feel anything going through Auschwitz II. I mean personally, like any memories. It was fascinating going through there though. I learned a lot; despite the research I've done over the years. It seems they mostly housed the political prisoners there. The Jews and others worked/lived in the buildings early on--like around 1939-1941 or so. Then Birkenau was built.
You'll see the pictures I took there to learn what I saw there, so I don't have to go into too much detail (I'm trying not to make this too long, and my fingers hurt from typing, lol). When I got to Birkenau, it was immediately familiar. I had such a feeling of fear when I saw the tower. When I got off the bus, I went straight up to the watch tower to get a view of the whole camp. It honestly didn't look that big. Boy, was I wrong!!! It's huge. I went to Birkenau without my dad since he wanted to rest a while. We decided we would meet up with each other late. He was going to visit a little later on. I told him I kind of wanted to be there alone most of the time so I could think. He understood (he doesn't know about the whole past life stuff). He understood that I wanted to think and research for my story, which is also partly true.
I felt the need to walk to the back of the camp first; to find the spot that's always in my dreams. I knew where to go; I felt I didn't even need a map. I wanted to experience it exactly like I always imagined it happened. I walked past everything; figuring I would see it on the way back. I walked where the trains let off the passengers. I kind of timed how long it took me to walk to the back corner of the camp, because in my dream it ends up being nearly 20 minutes. It was a long walk from what I remember. And I was right--it was about that long, just like in the dream. As I was getting closer and closer, I had this real sense of dread. It was like I was living the moment all over again and it was freaking me out. In my head were thoughts of loneliness since I was all alone and didn't know anyone else who was there walking with me. The closer I got, the more I started to cry (and to be honest, I really don't cry much at all). I kept getting this feeling in my head that was saying "this is where I died." I walked to the back of the camp where no one was. I couldn't see anyone in sight. I walked into the woods where there was a pathway leading through--EXACTLY like in my dreams. The same type of trees and everything. It was incredibly freaky. It was really starting to get bad then. I was getting really really emotional. I finally made it to the end and something in my mind said "my ashes are in the ground in this spot." I looked around and stood there for a little while. I saw a road that was near the woods and just knew that it never existed then. There were also more trees around. It was now near a road and a few houses, which were never there then. I felt like I knew the area really well. There was a large pond not far away, so i sat down to reflect on everything. I was all alone, and the only sounds were the birds chirping. I couldn't hear cars or people. Then I had this amazing feeling inside. I felt really, really peaceful inside. It was almost like a rush through my chest that lifted out of me. It's hard to explain how it really felt. I never felt anything so nice in my life. It felt like all the negative stuff lifted out of me. I had never felt so at peace in my life. It felt so good that I became teary eyed. I felt like someone was telling me in my head, "The nightmares are gone and you won't be scared and scarred anymore. You're at peace with what happened and things will really start to change in your life." After that, I walked back as a happier person.
I went to see the rest of the camp after that. There was something very strange/gross around that area near the woods. The ground was unusually soft, the leaves were gray, and I was seeing these small mounds of gray all over the place. I was thinking to myself, "there's no way there can be ash all these years later." But I REALLY did look like it. When I kicked the piles, it would get a little smokey. I later asked my dad about it, and he said it could be possible. he said that the animals and birds are probably digging up what's underneath since it's spring and they're out now. So maybe that's how it appeared. I COULD be wrong, but I swear it is. There were a few small ponds that had it a lot. My shoes were nearly gray when I left. This is kind of gross, but I picked up a piece and put it in a plastic bag; kind of as a remembrance of the people who perished there. I also took a small piece from 2 of the demolished crematoriums. You can see what i mean in my pictures. Tell me if you think it looks like ash.
There were a few barracks that didn't have yellow tape around them, so I went over the the windows to peer in. I took pictures with my camera against the windows. I felt those buildings were much more real than the 3 barracks they set up for people to tour. It wasn't all polished up like the other barracks were that we can go into. These probably didn't look much different compared to then. Nothing much was changed in those few that I saw. One in particular had a small window that had been broken, so I was able to peer in. It smelled god-awful. Like a mix of mold and dead bodies. Never want to smell that again. i was coughing and felt like I was choking; that's how bad it smelled.
When you look at my pics, you'll see the woods and the trail I'm talking about that is from my dream. I don't have it labeled.
As people were walking around observing things, I had this strange urge to tell them "This is what I went through, along with millions of others."
I ended up walking around Birkenau for 5 hours. Most guides say that the average person walks around there for about an hour and a half. haha, not true with me. You can bet I walked every nick and cranny in that camp to get the most out of it.
Later that night I wanted to do something instead of sitting in the hotel room. I decided I was going to walk across the street and walk the grounds of Auschwitz 1. It was going to be double as creepy, but I thought it would be fun. What other chance would I have at doing this? I ended up seeing about 7 child spirits while I was there. I had never seen anything like it; they were running all around me.
The next morning (Easter) we were going to take a train back to Warsaw. We had to transfer in Czechowice--a really small town on the Czech/Poland border. It was right near the mountains, which were beautiful. The train station was really, really old. It looked like it hadn't been renovated at all and was built around the late 1800s. I could picture Nazis walking through the station; that's how old it looked.
That last day in Warsaw was spent walking around the only section of the city that has a few very old buildings left. The ones that are left are beautiful. It's too bad so much of the city got destroyed. We went back to Novy Swiat because my dad wanted to take a picture of the Copernicus statue (who's from Poland).
So that more or less ends my trip. It really was an emotional and spiritual awakening trip. I'm so glad I went. I feel like it was a life changing trip. I feel like the scars from that past life have held me down in certain aspects of my life--mostly spiritually and career-wise. There are other careers I want to pursue on the side, and I feel like it's been holding me back (writing being one of the main ones).
Many times while I was over there I was thinking of my friend Tonya, because she had told me she visited the camp not too long ago. She's always been an interesting sort of person to me. I briefly met her at 2 different times while at duran duran shows. We have only actually spoken to one another a total of about 2 minutes in person. But those 2 brief times I saw her, I felt like I already knew her. It was weird. We started talking online, and it was as if I had known her my whole life. We feel really comfortable talking about psychic/spiritual things. She's one of the very few people I can confide in with talking about that stuff. She had told me she's had dreams too of being in the camp and experiencing it with her sister. Her story of what she experienced is so similar to mine. Now, I'm sure a lot of the visitors' stories are the same, but I mean the emotional connection she has to the camp. She said she's had nightmares since she was a kid. While I was over there, I really felt like I knew her in that life. I feel like I have a certain understanding with her. I feel like I have only experienced about 5 of them ever in my life, but I feel like she's a kindred spirit from that life. It basically means someone you just know you have known much longer than you have, and you have an understanding of them and a special connection with. I have it with Keith, Sam, my mom, and most likely her. Those are the only people I've ever felt it with.
I hope you all can comment, because I'd love to hear your reactions. not only that, but I'd LOVE to
discuss about it. You now I like talking about this stuff.
Pictures link--
http://share.shutterfly.com/view/flashShareSlideshow.jsp?sid=8AZNGbRw5cOXLQ