(no subject)
Masturbation is an onomatopeic word widely known as The Great American Pastime (which would explain a hell of a lot), or being a fucking wanker. It is defined as the act of killing kittens. It has been widely acknowledged that God killed a kitten every time masturbation was performed, it appeared that due to difficulties in producing sufficient numbers of kittens, this practice had been discontinued. It was revived though in the late 20th century, and became an integral weapon in the Human vs. Kitten War, which started in 2004.
Another definition is "the art of touching you-know-what while thinking about sex without thinking of your mother (or father or brother or sister…or the family pet.)."
The roots of masturbation go deep into the history, but typically end up deep in you pants. Recent discoveries by scholars indicate that the first person to masturbate was Ba Torr, the founder of the religion of Jizzlam. Ba Torr was a farmer who loved to farm naked. One day a big rock fell on his long dick, pinning it to the ground. He fucked the rock, and later used his hands to simulate the rock. He was known as the Master of Jizzlam. They called him Master Ba Torr. This was later shortened to masturbator, and the act of pretending a rock has pinned your penis to the ground became known as masturbation.
It was proven in a 1997 poll to be the single most healthy thing anyone can do with their penis. Including women, who used to be men, who used to be women, who used to be men, who used to be transexuals. Currently only Michael Jackson fits this catagory.
Please don't kill me. Rape me instead. KITTEN JUST GOT RAPEDFamous historical masturbators include George W. Bush, Stephen Harper, Tony Blair (a.k.a. Toxic Tony the Nuke Freak), Erwin Rommell, Ryan Halihan, Lord Voldemort, Rlazgoth Kel'tar, Oprah Winfrey, Yngwie Malmsteen, Michealangelo Batio and Carol Vorderman. Famous non-masturbators include John Kerry, George Soros, and Dick Gephart; while they have a penis, they totally lack balls. Rosie O'Donnell has attempted masturbation many times, but the thought of sex with Rosie O'Donnell even grosses Rosie O'Donnell out.
Many right-wing republicans like to accuse former President Bill Clinton of masturbating. Considering he's married to Hillary, who can blame him?
Another definition is "the art of touching you-know-what while thinking about sex without thinking of your mother (or father or brother or sister…or the family pet.)."
The roots of masturbation go deep into the history, but typically end up deep in you pants. Recent discoveries by scholars indicate that the first person to masturbate was Ba Torr, the founder of the religion of Jizzlam. Ba Torr was a farmer who loved to farm naked. One day a big rock fell on his long dick, pinning it to the ground. He fucked the rock, and later used his hands to simulate the rock. He was known as the Master of Jizzlam. They called him Master Ba Torr. This was later shortened to masturbator, and the act of pretending a rock has pinned your penis to the ground became known as masturbation.
It was proven in a 1997 poll to be the single most healthy thing anyone can do with their penis. Including women, who used to be men, who used to be women, who used to be men, who used to be transexuals. Currently only Michael Jackson fits this catagory.
Please don't kill me. Rape me instead. KITTEN JUST GOT RAPEDFamous historical masturbators include George W. Bush, Stephen Harper, Tony Blair (a.k.a. Toxic Tony the Nuke Freak), Erwin Rommell, Ryan Halihan, Lord Voldemort, Rlazgoth Kel'tar, Oprah Winfrey, Yngwie Malmsteen, Michealangelo Batio and Carol Vorderman. Famous non-masturbators include John Kerry, George Soros, and Dick Gephart; while they have a penis, they totally lack balls. Rosie O'Donnell has attempted masturbation many times, but the thought of sex with Rosie O'Donnell even grosses Rosie O'Donnell out.
Many right-wing republicans like to accuse former President Bill Clinton of masturbating. Considering he's married to Hillary, who can blame him?