(no subject)
I get out of my own head sometimes...and I'm well aware of that. Today was one of those days, where you put all your good judgement aside, you put everything you learned about people aside...and you attempt to re-learn somethings...Like, how to trust people, how to understand things, how to cope, and how to be the person that YOU want to be...not that anyone else does.
Today was one of those days where everything seemed out of place...Like, every step I took, wasn't the right one.
Today was one of those days were you see humanity at its best, and at its worse...It's best, when two lovers are fighting over nothing, and coming to realize, it was nothing. Worst, when you see a drug fiend have no idea where they are, or what they are doing there.
Things have to grow inorder to overcome every bad thing that has been carved into you. It's impossible to say you can become numb and never learn, never grow, never believe...I've tried saying it for many months...but it's impossible to say that the entire time it was true.
People don't always treat the other person right. They lie, cheat, steal, break promises, misuse trust, misuse love, misjudge meanings...
Today was one of the days that you had to put all of that aside, and begin over...rather than picking up where you left off.
Today was one of those days, that everything seemed completely wrong until you realized that it was how it was supposed to be. Until you realized you had to let things go whatever way they were going to go, and just go with it.
I've been thinking a lot about all the friends I havent seen, the people I havent talked to in months because of a falling out, or just no school, or the fact that we were mutual friends...I was thinking about the impact they had on my life...How each of them taught me something. Whether it was how to fix something, or how to not trust people...they've all done something.
Today was one of those days that I realize, that I've never really trusted many people...not people close to me anyways. The first person I ever trusted ruined it within the first week...it was one of those "So this is how it is?" type of things, which made me never want to agian.
But tonight was a risk I had to take eventually...putting trust into someone that needed it from the beginning. I wish I was like them, I wish I could automatically trust a person. But I can't. I feel like that is walking into a brick wall. I used to do that but I've been let down so many times, it has to grow gradually now...Tonight was just the first night of many that my heart will ache with worry of being let down.
Providence...oh God, don't let me fail you. I need you more than ever right now, but at the same time, I dont want you. I don't want to leave this place without him. I don't want to leave without any of them. I need my friends, I need my Jim, I need my city, and I need my house.
Please, don't let me fail you.
Today was one of those days where everything seemed out of place...Like, every step I took, wasn't the right one.
Today was one of those days were you see humanity at its best, and at its worse...It's best, when two lovers are fighting over nothing, and coming to realize, it was nothing. Worst, when you see a drug fiend have no idea where they are, or what they are doing there.
Things have to grow inorder to overcome every bad thing that has been carved into you. It's impossible to say you can become numb and never learn, never grow, never believe...I've tried saying it for many months...but it's impossible to say that the entire time it was true.
People don't always treat the other person right. They lie, cheat, steal, break promises, misuse trust, misuse love, misjudge meanings...
Today was one of the days that you had to put all of that aside, and begin over...rather than picking up where you left off.
Today was one of those days, that everything seemed completely wrong until you realized that it was how it was supposed to be. Until you realized you had to let things go whatever way they were going to go, and just go with it.
I've been thinking a lot about all the friends I havent seen, the people I havent talked to in months because of a falling out, or just no school, or the fact that we were mutual friends...I was thinking about the impact they had on my life...How each of them taught me something. Whether it was how to fix something, or how to not trust people...they've all done something.
Today was one of those days that I realize, that I've never really trusted many people...not people close to me anyways. The first person I ever trusted ruined it within the first week...it was one of those "So this is how it is?" type of things, which made me never want to agian.
But tonight was a risk I had to take eventually...putting trust into someone that needed it from the beginning. I wish I was like them, I wish I could automatically trust a person. But I can't. I feel like that is walking into a brick wall. I used to do that but I've been let down so many times, it has to grow gradually now...Tonight was just the first night of many that my heart will ache with worry of being let down.
Providence...oh God, don't let me fail you. I need you more than ever right now, but at the same time, I dont want you. I don't want to leave this place without him. I don't want to leave without any of them. I need my friends, I need my Jim, I need my city, and I need my house.
Please, don't let me fail you.