(no subject)
My nails and fingers are a complete disaster at the moment. I'm back to chewing every little bit of skin off the edges. It's a disgusting habit that I can't stop myself from doing. I try to keep my nails long but it's actually when they start to grow that I become tempted to bite them all off again.
Yesterday was awful. The day was tough, not unmanageable, but I had to step up my leading a team part of me. I guess it's a good thing, it shows I can delegate and take control of a situation, even with two trainees at work. I made sure they could do jobs that they could do. I'll try harder to get them trained on bar next week when it's much more quiet in the shop.
The evening was worse. I had a huge argument in my family which means I'm now not speaking to someone unless necessary, like answering a simple question. I don't even want to talk about it. I have never felt so much fury in me. It made me realise a lot about myself - why I was the way I was before, and how I wanted to go back to that for that split second. Within me was this almighty urge to throw a wine bottle over their face, to hurt them so bad. I didn't do anything but clench my fists, shake and cry. I had to leave the room.
Everything always happens behind closed doors.
Yesterday was awful. The day was tough, not unmanageable, but I had to step up my leading a team part of me. I guess it's a good thing, it shows I can delegate and take control of a situation, even with two trainees at work. I made sure they could do jobs that they could do. I'll try harder to get them trained on bar next week when it's much more quiet in the shop.
The evening was worse. I had a huge argument in my family which means I'm now not speaking to someone unless necessary, like answering a simple question. I don't even want to talk about it. I have never felt so much fury in me. It made me realise a lot about myself - why I was the way I was before, and how I wanted to go back to that for that split second. Within me was this almighty urge to throw a wine bottle over their face, to hurt them so bad. I didn't do anything but clench my fists, shake and cry. I had to leave the room.
Everything always happens behind closed doors.