Oct 30, 2008 20:21
And i've been trying to be a chin up person, a paranoid, self destroying, socially nervous, freak of nature chin up person. Ha horrible its a fact of my placement on earth. Its always where i am who is around that dissatisfies me, but i guess i attract that around me. All im looking for is a solid group of friends all mature and well traveled and no one needs to one up each other, all of us should be searching for the truth and have our own shining aspects and respect for one another's flaws. We all call each other and act like brothers. I've always wanted someone like that. Tonio is the closest person like that to me, but as i moved so did our relationship to the back burner. Im sick of acquaintances.
At least in Bangor people would call me unlike chanute where texting is like calling somebody. Bangor seemed somewhat normal in most aspects, i mean it was a change but at least most people were accepting and open. In chanute im brown, i have a big nose every flaw is a factor, a barrier. Now im not just bitching and for awhile i though i was. NO, last night i got drunk with this kid chuck; now this kid chuck is a all american wiskey drinking, chevy driving (his car is so loud it gets 4 miles to the gallon) "muddin" son of a gun. He is sensitive but he told me when he first saw me the fact that i was brown freaked him out. He is racist along with the rest of this town for the most part. But apparently once i spoke i was a cool kid. He informed me of all of this, while chanute is diversifying slowly its not coming with a welcomed handshake. and my hand is slowly crawling back into my sleeve...
im a mess when it comes to school im awesome at writing lists but when it comes to check marks im somewhere else in many aspects. Im feeling very out in a field i mean i dont want to live in the middle of a city but it would be nice to have some luxuries in and around my area. Not like materialistic but more aspects of cool people with their own views on life,(inntelectuals pleeeasssee) and a venue or two with solid shows and a decent fan base with some seriously sweet cruising roads and secret spots that dont have cameras in trees and people with snipers looking in fields...
or maybe i need to stop thinking of utopian ideas or thinking so deeply.
dropped on the wrong planet
i hate looking back and feeling like i wasted time and continue to waste time
chanute bitching