More of the same
It's weird.
I was just reading Joel's blog, I can't help but feel an ironic sense of understanding fo his feelings. See, Joel and I have known each other a long time, but I am not the closest person to him. We have a comfortable understanding of each other...the kind of thing that I assume can only come from having known someone so long. We've seen each other develop, grow, and change. I feel bad for him now. I am indirectly related (or at least associated with) his situation with Evan and Mark. On one hand, I hate being a piece of, or the actual catalyst of, the break-up of the Dynamic Trio. Then, I also want to be the friend that Joel needs right now...but much like he cannot shape where his friendships are going, I cannot force him to feel more connected to me. It's like being the match, but wanting to put out the fire.
No, I am not ego-trippin'. I don't sit here thinking this is all about me, I just wish that the changes...specificallly between he and Mark...had coincided (or been caused by) Mark and my relationship.
Friendships and relationships are a funny thing. What hurts the most, after reading Joel's post, is that I totally understand the posturing that he speaks of. In my "posse", it's so obvious that it's not what it used to be and yet everyone ignores it. I feel like I moved here to come "home", back to the home and friends I knew...only to find that Katrina had come through and torn apart the home I remember. I barely recognize anything.
The light at the end of the tunnel? Refusing to give up. I may not be needed to that capacity by Joel, or still be that connected to Andy, or Pat, but I love these guys and they will always have a place in my heart, regardless. Now, I spend crazy times with some new friends that I have had the fortune of making and hope that the old ones, like a river, will wind their way back into my life eventually.
time will tell
I was just reading Joel's blog, I can't help but feel an ironic sense of understanding fo his feelings. See, Joel and I have known each other a long time, but I am not the closest person to him. We have a comfortable understanding of each other...the kind of thing that I assume can only come from having known someone so long. We've seen each other develop, grow, and change. I feel bad for him now. I am indirectly related (or at least associated with) his situation with Evan and Mark. On one hand, I hate being a piece of, or the actual catalyst of, the break-up of the Dynamic Trio. Then, I also want to be the friend that Joel needs right now...but much like he cannot shape where his friendships are going, I cannot force him to feel more connected to me. It's like being the match, but wanting to put out the fire.
No, I am not ego-trippin'. I don't sit here thinking this is all about me, I just wish that the changes...specificallly between he and Mark...had coincided (or been caused by) Mark and my relationship.
Friendships and relationships are a funny thing. What hurts the most, after reading Joel's post, is that I totally understand the posturing that he speaks of. In my "posse", it's so obvious that it's not what it used to be and yet everyone ignores it. I feel like I moved here to come "home", back to the home and friends I knew...only to find that Katrina had come through and torn apart the home I remember. I barely recognize anything.
The light at the end of the tunnel? Refusing to give up. I may not be needed to that capacity by Joel, or still be that connected to Andy, or Pat, but I love these guys and they will always have a place in my heart, regardless. Now, I spend crazy times with some new friends that I have had the fortune of making and hope that the old ones, like a river, will wind their way back into my life eventually.
time will tell