The Goblet of Crap
The following is the letter I just sent to Warner Brothers Studios, makers of the Harry Potter films:
Dear Complaints Handlers, Directors, Executives, and Associated Film-makers,
I have just returned from a showing of Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Having read the series of books and followed the films to date, I feel that I speak with a moderate amount of knowledge regarding the HP franchise. This latest movie, ladies and gentlemen, was an on-screen travesty. But my issue is not just with this film or the HP cinematic works overall, but rather with where American film is headed (and has gone during my lifetime).
You see, this film neatly demonstrates everything that is wrong with the film industry. Within this movie there are clearly ample resources: plenty of talent both established and new, well scored soundtrack, cutting-edge special effects, and a budget that could feed several countries for a year. And yet, despite all of these good ingredients, the film still manages to be terrible. The characters are poorly portrayed, the flow is jerky and unnatural, the color and cinematography are dull, and the story has been modified to make room for horribly stupid stunts like weasels crawling down pants and ghosts getting cozy with naked boys. To ruin such a mixture of resources does take talent, but not the sort that we the audience should be seeing on the big screen for $8.50 a ticket.
As I mentioned, the entire industry is ailing from the same problems that this film exemplifies - all the talent and money you could ask for, but no sense of art. Because despite what many of the suits might have you believe, film is an art form, not just a business. Sure, in business you make money. But it is critical to remember that the basis of any business is a service or produced work, and that foundation must stay strong if the gleaming pyramid of golden profit is to stay above the sands. Film is about telling a story. Without a good story and a good story-teller, your cause is lost no matter how many special effects you have. A story as gripping as HP should be handed to a proven director with ample talent. Where in god's name you came up with the idea to give such a monumental project to Christopher Columbus and Mike Newell, I haven't the faintest idea. To think that Goblet of Fire in its current form even made it beyond test audiences and experienced producers is horrifying. Truly, where has the sense of quality gone?
Though I doubt the proper eyes will ever read this, I will offer you a business secret that can save your entire industry. And I'll even do it for free. Would you like to know why ticket sales are plummeting? It is because mainstream film quality has plummeted, yet at the same time ticket prices have surged to ridiculous levels. No matter how dim-witted you think your audience to be, you cannot sacrifice quality and at the same time increase prices while expecting to maintain profits. Period. Let me ask you this: if a new BMW came with no stereo or AC but its bumper fell off after fifty miles and it suddenly cost $100,000, would you want to buy one?
Ladies and gentlemen, the American film industry has become a joke. Creative stories and engaging dialogue have been replaced with cheap gimmicks like cliche humor and over-done special effects. Good storytelling has been all but eradicated to make room for endless reincarnations of the same vapid crap over and over again. The previews used to be interesting and foretold future movies to look forward to. Now they seem to show an endless parade of comedies that aren't funny, action movies that are utterly predictable and not in the least stirring, and dramas with characters that are so utterly flat and unbelievable that no one can really sympathize with them. Is it any wonder that your audience is less than enthused? I remember when going to the movies was a riveting experience where people laughed and cried, and revolutionary ideas came through the screen to inspire the imagination. Now when I go to movies (which is much less frequent than in my youth) I look around and see that the patrons are not very engaged and not very entertained. They yearn for something new, something truly ground-breaking. This is why some of the most popular films are now coming from tiny independent studios and from overseas. Can these producers compete with Hollywood's special effects? No. Yet clearly their films are outdoing many of yours on a fraction of the budget. Clearly, the key to good cinema is not special effects.
Here's a perfect example. The third installment of the HP movies was an extremely well done film. The reason for this was quality storytelling. It was dark, but not so literally that the film becomes colorless and drab like Goblet of Fire. The emotional tone goes well into the realm of eerie and even frightening not because of blatant in-your-face effects, but by mixing a few subtle, well-placed effects with things that you could not see. You don't need to see CG every ten seconds to find it engaging. You don't need soaring epic orchestras to constantly remind the audience that something interesting is about to happen. These are, as said before, the cheap tricks used by an amateur storyteller. Alfonso Cuaron is an excellent director because he knows how to tell a good story in a good way. And ladies and gentlemen, you should treasure people like that. They are your talented artists. You are selling art. Please put down the macro-economic analyses and look at the real issue. What American film needs right now is higher quality, not higher budgets. Your audience wants new stories told in new ways, not the same recycled crap. There is plenty of talent out there, enough talent to write ten-thousand good screenplays and make them all into top-notch original movies. But you need to be willing to see it, to acknowledge when its there, and above all give it the freedom to express itself.
No, I haven't gone to film school. No, I'm not an actor. No, I'm not a director.
But yes, I could do much, much better.
A concerned film veteran,
Sean Perry
Dear Complaints Handlers, Directors, Executives, and Associated Film-makers,
I have just returned from a showing of Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Having read the series of books and followed the films to date, I feel that I speak with a moderate amount of knowledge regarding the HP franchise. This latest movie, ladies and gentlemen, was an on-screen travesty. But my issue is not just with this film or the HP cinematic works overall, but rather with where American film is headed (and has gone during my lifetime).
You see, this film neatly demonstrates everything that is wrong with the film industry. Within this movie there are clearly ample resources: plenty of talent both established and new, well scored soundtrack, cutting-edge special effects, and a budget that could feed several countries for a year. And yet, despite all of these good ingredients, the film still manages to be terrible. The characters are poorly portrayed, the flow is jerky and unnatural, the color and cinematography are dull, and the story has been modified to make room for horribly stupid stunts like weasels crawling down pants and ghosts getting cozy with naked boys. To ruin such a mixture of resources does take talent, but not the sort that we the audience should be seeing on the big screen for $8.50 a ticket.
As I mentioned, the entire industry is ailing from the same problems that this film exemplifies - all the talent and money you could ask for, but no sense of art. Because despite what many of the suits might have you believe, film is an art form, not just a business. Sure, in business you make money. But it is critical to remember that the basis of any business is a service or produced work, and that foundation must stay strong if the gleaming pyramid of golden profit is to stay above the sands. Film is about telling a story. Without a good story and a good story-teller, your cause is lost no matter how many special effects you have. A story as gripping as HP should be handed to a proven director with ample talent. Where in god's name you came up with the idea to give such a monumental project to Christopher Columbus and Mike Newell, I haven't the faintest idea. To think that Goblet of Fire in its current form even made it beyond test audiences and experienced producers is horrifying. Truly, where has the sense of quality gone?
Though I doubt the proper eyes will ever read this, I will offer you a business secret that can save your entire industry. And I'll even do it for free. Would you like to know why ticket sales are plummeting? It is because mainstream film quality has plummeted, yet at the same time ticket prices have surged to ridiculous levels. No matter how dim-witted you think your audience to be, you cannot sacrifice quality and at the same time increase prices while expecting to maintain profits. Period. Let me ask you this: if a new BMW came with no stereo or AC but its bumper fell off after fifty miles and it suddenly cost $100,000, would you want to buy one?
Ladies and gentlemen, the American film industry has become a joke. Creative stories and engaging dialogue have been replaced with cheap gimmicks like cliche humor and over-done special effects. Good storytelling has been all but eradicated to make room for endless reincarnations of the same vapid crap over and over again. The previews used to be interesting and foretold future movies to look forward to. Now they seem to show an endless parade of comedies that aren't funny, action movies that are utterly predictable and not in the least stirring, and dramas with characters that are so utterly flat and unbelievable that no one can really sympathize with them. Is it any wonder that your audience is less than enthused? I remember when going to the movies was a riveting experience where people laughed and cried, and revolutionary ideas came through the screen to inspire the imagination. Now when I go to movies (which is much less frequent than in my youth) I look around and see that the patrons are not very engaged and not very entertained. They yearn for something new, something truly ground-breaking. This is why some of the most popular films are now coming from tiny independent studios and from overseas. Can these producers compete with Hollywood's special effects? No. Yet clearly their films are outdoing many of yours on a fraction of the budget. Clearly, the key to good cinema is not special effects.
Here's a perfect example. The third installment of the HP movies was an extremely well done film. The reason for this was quality storytelling. It was dark, but not so literally that the film becomes colorless and drab like Goblet of Fire. The emotional tone goes well into the realm of eerie and even frightening not because of blatant in-your-face effects, but by mixing a few subtle, well-placed effects with things that you could not see. You don't need to see CG every ten seconds to find it engaging. You don't need soaring epic orchestras to constantly remind the audience that something interesting is about to happen. These are, as said before, the cheap tricks used by an amateur storyteller. Alfonso Cuaron is an excellent director because he knows how to tell a good story in a good way. And ladies and gentlemen, you should treasure people like that. They are your talented artists. You are selling art. Please put down the macro-economic analyses and look at the real issue. What American film needs right now is higher quality, not higher budgets. Your audience wants new stories told in new ways, not the same recycled crap. There is plenty of talent out there, enough talent to write ten-thousand good screenplays and make them all into top-notch original movies. But you need to be willing to see it, to acknowledge when its there, and above all give it the freedom to express itself.
No, I haven't gone to film school. No, I'm not an actor. No, I'm not a director.
But yes, I could do much, much better.
A concerned film veteran,
Sean Perry