Heart skips
My heart doesnt skip as much as it used to, I dont run up to catch warm daylight or secretly smile because I know where everything fits into the world. There are no more moments of clarity that I used to desperately cling on to when everything around seemed dull and grey.
I am blaming my place on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs! Maslow is responsible for my lack of pure happiness, not in a neddy way, but in that way that nothing can taint it. It is what it is, and I am what I am when I experience it. If you've never had that burst of joy which makes your heart soar, then I am talking nonsense. But a few people will have had it. More addictive than anything manmade.
But Maslow said that I cant get that back unless I can fill out all the other parts of his dumbass triangle. Including biological needs and safety needs. Which means I have to be comfortable and stable in my surroundings. I go home every day to a pile of boxes full of old things I used to have in a flat.
I need some sort of anchor! Then I can start thinking about the higher up ones, like belonging and esteem! Esteem in a "loving my work" way. Not in the other way. Then and only then can i think that everything goes together, I have journal entries filled with half crazed writing, where everything was just so clear and I knew what I was doing here. Now all I talk about is my job, and my lack of a flat and how I appear to be getting older without growing older. Or should that be the other way around?
I am blaming my place on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs! Maslow is responsible for my lack of pure happiness, not in a neddy way, but in that way that nothing can taint it. It is what it is, and I am what I am when I experience it. If you've never had that burst of joy which makes your heart soar, then I am talking nonsense. But a few people will have had it. More addictive than anything manmade.
But Maslow said that I cant get that back unless I can fill out all the other parts of his dumbass triangle. Including biological needs and safety needs. Which means I have to be comfortable and stable in my surroundings. I go home every day to a pile of boxes full of old things I used to have in a flat.
I need some sort of anchor! Then I can start thinking about the higher up ones, like belonging and esteem! Esteem in a "loving my work" way. Not in the other way. Then and only then can i think that everything goes together, I have journal entries filled with half crazed writing, where everything was just so clear and I knew what I was doing here. Now all I talk about is my job, and my lack of a flat and how I appear to be getting older without growing older. Or should that be the other way around?