Breaking up is hard to do.
It seems like every day I hear about yet another amazing couple breaking up. I also have heard many comments about such break ups and I have seen recently uncoupled people feeling the brunt of some of the less than thoughtful things that come out of peoples' mouths. I truly do not think that people are trying to be mean or thoughtless, but I think all of us need to take a step back and remember a few things:
1. We don't know the whole story and it is really none of our business.
When people speculate about a break up they seem to forget that they were not part of the couple. They don't know both sides (and there are ALWAYS two sides).
2. Amazing couples are made up of amazing individuals. Bad-mouthing one member of the ex-couple isn't usually all that helpful in tight-knit communities, and sometimes not even to the other member of the former couple.
3. Neutrality is allowed. You can be friends with both people. Just be sure to walk that path thoughtfully. Pretending to do that and speaking ill of the people in the breakup (beyond the reasonable having their backs) isn't helpful to anyone involved and can result in a loss of trust in you. People involved in a breakup have enough to worry about without losing dear friends on top of it.
4. If you do chose sides, do so with class. I lost several dear friends in a breakup a while back and I understood and respected the choice of their loyalty to the older, deeper friendship they had with my ex. They simply left my life and did not make trouble for me. They may be bad-mouthing me all over the place, but they did not stoop to trying to make my life difficult.
5. Be there. Be there and be willing to talk about the breakup, the relationship, the weather, golf, whatever. People handle these things in their own ways and if you are going to be a good friend, let them handle it in their own way (as long as that doesn't include violence towards themselves or others).
6. Do NOT under ANY circumstances tell anyone involved in a recent breakup that the dissolution of that couple hurt YOU because it shook your view of love or couples or baseball or society or ANYTHING. This isn't about you. See number 5.
By the way, this post has to do with recent trends I am witnessing, NOT with my own relationship.
1. We don't know the whole story and it is really none of our business.
When people speculate about a break up they seem to forget that they were not part of the couple. They don't know both sides (and there are ALWAYS two sides).
2. Amazing couples are made up of amazing individuals. Bad-mouthing one member of the ex-couple isn't usually all that helpful in tight-knit communities, and sometimes not even to the other member of the former couple.
3. Neutrality is allowed. You can be friends with both people. Just be sure to walk that path thoughtfully. Pretending to do that and speaking ill of the people in the breakup (beyond the reasonable having their backs) isn't helpful to anyone involved and can result in a loss of trust in you. People involved in a breakup have enough to worry about without losing dear friends on top of it.
4. If you do chose sides, do so with class. I lost several dear friends in a breakup a while back and I understood and respected the choice of their loyalty to the older, deeper friendship they had with my ex. They simply left my life and did not make trouble for me. They may be bad-mouthing me all over the place, but they did not stoop to trying to make my life difficult.
5. Be there. Be there and be willing to talk about the breakup, the relationship, the weather, golf, whatever. People handle these things in their own ways and if you are going to be a good friend, let them handle it in their own way (as long as that doesn't include violence towards themselves or others).
6. Do NOT under ANY circumstances tell anyone involved in a recent breakup that the dissolution of that couple hurt YOU because it shook your view of love or couples or baseball or society or ANYTHING. This isn't about you. See number 5.
By the way, this post has to do with recent trends I am witnessing, NOT with my own relationship.