Oh look... another entry where Scotty seems to be bitching
Well I feel like I made a big ass of myself tonight.
I try ever so hard to keep control of myself only to lose it in a place where I should be enjoying myself. I thought I had better control over myself.
I do appreciate those to came down (after a while) to talk with me... I needed to hear somethings out loud.
I am only 20 years old but I feel much older. I am not just talking about me having facial hair so I look like an old man; I actually feel ancient.
I have a lot of weight on my shoulders (some I did not even ask for). I have so much weight that (as is expected) I look to something stable in my life so I can get through it. You know what I mean? Like the one thing in life that is always there for you so everything else does not seem as bad.
That stability is not always there when I need it.
I am so very very confused right now.... I am questioning things that I never thought I would ever question. I am beginning to lose track of what is the truth and what I have accepted as the truth.
I find many things that were said tonight running through my head; but the one that keeps repeating is:
Is it enough Scotty? Is it enough?
Will everything else seem easier to deal with if I just face something that I am scared to death of?
These seems to be something I need to answer soon.
I try ever so hard to keep control of myself only to lose it in a place where I should be enjoying myself. I thought I had better control over myself.
I do appreciate those to came down (after a while) to talk with me... I needed to hear somethings out loud.
I am only 20 years old but I feel much older. I am not just talking about me having facial hair so I look like an old man; I actually feel ancient.
I have a lot of weight on my shoulders (some I did not even ask for). I have so much weight that (as is expected) I look to something stable in my life so I can get through it. You know what I mean? Like the one thing in life that is always there for you so everything else does not seem as bad.
That stability is not always there when I need it.
I am so very very confused right now.... I am questioning things that I never thought I would ever question. I am beginning to lose track of what is the truth and what I have accepted as the truth.
I find many things that were said tonight running through my head; but the one that keeps repeating is:
Is it enough Scotty? Is it enough?
Will everything else seem easier to deal with if I just face something that I am scared to death of?
These seems to be something I need to answer soon.