The 24-hour horror movie marathon in 24 24-seconds-or-less recaps
1.
The 24-hour horror marathon involves no running.
No actual nerds were hurt during the course of this event.
All stunts were performed by professional nerds on closed courses.
Please do not attempt this degree of nerdiness at home.
The firm of Woods, Woods & Woods does not assume responsibility for the nerdiness you are about to partake.
2.
The event fired up at noon on Saturday at the old Grandview Drexel, which still isn't open or completely remodeled. Exposed brick walls, half-assed drywall, ripped out fixtures...a perfect place to shuffle off 170+ nerds for 24 hours. The crew that put this together really needs commending. They rented theater seating (the place had none), got the film reels, set-up a really strong concession stand with reasonable prices, got director Stuart Gordon to come in and generally put on one heck of a show. I'm making this an annual tradition, not because it's so awesomely organized, but because it isn't. It's a strong community with heart and resources, and I loved it. Also, I will never be president of it.
3.
Technical difficulties plagued this event, but no one cared. After the first few films you really got your money's worth by today's theater prices.
4.
After about the third film I could smell Fritos but no one was chewing.
Nerds in large groups of ALL stripes are aromatic.
5.
Give it up for The Fat Crow, who was the only guy in an actual costume. Granted, I think he probably wears that trenchcoat and black boot get-up every day, but the make-up had to be for this event. It just had to be.
6.
Grandview has sucky parking. The actual running marathon that started on Sunday morning probably didn't help. How awesome was it that just outside a theater packed with immobile, zombified nerds were actual public acts of exercise? I think a wormhole opened near Stauf's coffeeshop.
7.
I watched about half the slate of films, but skipped out a couple of times to freshen up and sleep. Hey, I paid to come AND go. I can leave if I want. Why should I have to suffer through a whole night of Fritos when they're playing movies I don't want to see?
8.
I skipped some of the schlock. I don't watch horror movies to laugh at them. If I want to laugh at movies, I watch comedies. That said, I still laughed where everyone else laughed. I checked my armpits for Fritos.
9.
Horror fans are secretly racist. When the sound went out during "From Beyond" and Ken Foree had speaking parts, some of the audience decided that would be a good time to whip out their best Kingfish impressions. Seeing as how there were only three and a half black people there, you can see how they might feel pretty comfortable doing that. It was dark most of the time so they probably thought none of us were there. I wasn't actually offended. I wasn't actually surprised either.
When I make a horror film, all of the white males will die and the only people left will be the buxom blondes in panties and wet t-shirts and Yaphet Kotto.
10.
Pointing out that horror films are largely sexist is a lot like saying football is largely violent. Moving on.
11.
"Q" was cut from the schedule...the next to last film! Dammit, that was the one film that ensured I would be buying a ticket! For my trouble, I was treated to "Daughters of Darkness" in the slot where "Q" was supposed to go. Really? "DoD' over "Q"? Even looking around at that sordid lot of tired miscreants I dont' think one person would have jumped up and said, "What the hell do you mean, 'you're cutting "Daughters of Darkness" from the line-up?'" Of course, no one did that when they said they were cutting "Q" either, so I think I got pimped on that one.
12.
I own two copies of "The Thing" and have watched it over fifty times, easy. This was the first time I've ever seen it on the big screen. This movie is a perfect film, genre be damned. You could watch it over and over again and find something new to like about it.
13.
During the Stuart Gordon Q&A I asked this question:
"There are a lot of bad Lovecraft films out there. Do you think there is a particular challenge to adapting his work over other material?"
(Mind you, Gordon has done a number of Lovecraft films. I didn't suggest his films were bad and he didn't suggest that they were good. At the same time, he is the director who has done the best adaptation of the Lovecraft world: "Dagon".)
His answer, roughly, was that Lovecrafts work tends to be very personal and introspective in scope or very large and epic and it would take many millions of dollars to realize. Horror film budgets sadly fall somewhere between the two extremes.
14.
"The Black Cat" from 1934 is somehow horrible and awesome. Karloff in those smoking jackets was pimping before pimping was born.
15.
The French film "Irreversible", while not a horror movie, was the most genuinely horrific film I saw the whole weekend. The beating at the beginning of the film (but the end of the story!) and the rape scene were scarring.
16.
"The Host" is a good film, but not great and I've now seen it as many times as I ever need to. That's one I'd like to see Hollywood borrow from the Koreans and try again.
17.
"Daughters of Darkness" is so lesbian porno that it would have been hot if I could have stopped laughing at it.
18.
Somehow the nudity in old horror films seems far more graphic than the nudity in current horror films. I think because it seems so natural and the cameras back then really dwelled on their shots, so you got nudity for a long time back then.
19.
"The Haunted Castle" starring Vincent Price SAYS that it's an Edgar Allen Poe story. It is not. It is the title of a Poe poem, but the story comes from Lovecraft. They didn't show this film, but they did show the trailer, so there's some trivia for you.
20.
They had really cool posters and shirts.
21.
These guys also run the sci-fi marathon in the spring. I'm so there, too.
22.
I brought some snacks with me: peanut butter and veggies and dip and apple slices.
I burned through all of that during the first film.
23.
Reading poetry for 24 hours is a hundred times harder than sitting through 24 hours of horror films.
24.
I'm going ever year. Totally hooked.