Dear Stephen King: Really?
Dear Mr. King,
Really?
Your new book, Under The Dome, comes out and it's 1072 pages long? Are you fucking kidding me?
In your "Author's Notes" in the back (p. 1074) you state:
"Nan Graham edited the book down from the original dinosaur to a beast of slightly more manageable size..."
Really? This book sits next to me on the computer counter at work and my fucking computer is leaning. I had to put a smaller book - The Bible - under the keyboard to level it out. On the same page you state:
"I tried to write a book that would keep the pedal constantly to the metal."
Though I have yet to open it in earnest, I find it hard to believe that you "kept the pedal to the metal" for 1072 pages.
You know I am a fan. I go way back. You have received more of my money than I am willing to post here publicly. I supported you when I had no reason to. And when Cell came out, I trumpeted your way back to the top of the bestseller lists where you belonged. But now you ask too much.
Even you hold that your best book was probably The Stand, as many of your legions of fans have proclaimed. This book is a mere 79 pages shorter than the "complete & uncut" version of The Stand. It is only 69 pages shorter than the paperback uncut version. It is 255 pages longer than a 1981 printing of the original version.
In short, this better be the best fucking book of your career, and it better be feeling like it might be at around page 536...the halfway mark. This is as much as I am willing to concede to you in this day and age, well past the peak of your prowess, many years since the perfect King novels you used to churn out with such spot-on efficiency.
You got 536 pages. I will not stop short of that. At 536 pages it is longer than most novels anyway. If you cannot make me believe in it halfway through, I am under no obligation to finish your masturbatory exercise. Maybe my frustration with my NaNoWriMo novel this year is aiding this diatribe in unhealthy ways. Here I am struggling to break the 12,000 word mark and you just dropped a 1072 page brick on my desk in the middle of what most people consider a Sisyphean task. I have tried to exorcise that prejudice from my consternation here. Being a hater does neither of us any good.
I still love you. I still respect you. I still turn people on to your work. But this? You ask too much. It better be the best fucking book I've read all year. You got 536 pages of my trust in your hands. I hope we can still be friends.
Sincerely, your black friend in Ohio,
Scott Woods
Really?
Your new book, Under The Dome, comes out and it's 1072 pages long? Are you fucking kidding me?
In your "Author's Notes" in the back (p. 1074) you state:
"Nan Graham edited the book down from the original dinosaur to a beast of slightly more manageable size..."
Really? This book sits next to me on the computer counter at work and my fucking computer is leaning. I had to put a smaller book - The Bible - under the keyboard to level it out. On the same page you state:
"I tried to write a book that would keep the pedal constantly to the metal."
Though I have yet to open it in earnest, I find it hard to believe that you "kept the pedal to the metal" for 1072 pages.
You know I am a fan. I go way back. You have received more of my money than I am willing to post here publicly. I supported you when I had no reason to. And when Cell came out, I trumpeted your way back to the top of the bestseller lists where you belonged. But now you ask too much.
Even you hold that your best book was probably The Stand, as many of your legions of fans have proclaimed. This book is a mere 79 pages shorter than the "complete & uncut" version of The Stand. It is only 69 pages shorter than the paperback uncut version. It is 255 pages longer than a 1981 printing of the original version.
In short, this better be the best fucking book of your career, and it better be feeling like it might be at around page 536...the halfway mark. This is as much as I am willing to concede to you in this day and age, well past the peak of your prowess, many years since the perfect King novels you used to churn out with such spot-on efficiency.
You got 536 pages. I will not stop short of that. At 536 pages it is longer than most novels anyway. If you cannot make me believe in it halfway through, I am under no obligation to finish your masturbatory exercise. Maybe my frustration with my NaNoWriMo novel this year is aiding this diatribe in unhealthy ways. Here I am struggling to break the 12,000 word mark and you just dropped a 1072 page brick on my desk in the middle of what most people consider a Sisyphean task. I have tried to exorcise that prejudice from my consternation here. Being a hater does neither of us any good.
I still love you. I still respect you. I still turn people on to your work. But this? You ask too much. It better be the best fucking book I've read all year. You got 536 pages of my trust in your hands. I hope we can still be friends.
Sincerely, your black friend in Ohio,
Scott Woods