just a Monday
Emilie is asleep... for now in her swing where she really spends most of her time these days but I'm sure she will outgrow that soon as everything else. This weekend was nice even though I had to work. We had Steven's daughter Samantha who is ten for the weekend. i have my own massage practice set up now and work for a chain of massages places a few hours a week to insure some sort of financial stabillity. My business is great but you never know, not all months are solid, and you can't live like that when you have a daughter depending on you. The weeks are pretty challenging because I spend all day with Emilie alone, and then at around seven I go to work until ten at either my office or the clinic. tonight it is my office so I'll be done a little after eight. it gets pretty lonely. I love Emilie but I miss adult conversation. Steven works all day and we kind of just bump in to each other at night. He is a much different guy than Scott. he is everything Scott never was. He loves my family and goes with me to everything, in fact his feelings are hurt when he can't go. He is attracted to me, even now after the baby and the gaining forty pounds, which in my defense I've lost twenty of. His family is wonderful and I love his mom. In fact I knew her first I worked with her at my old massage school for a while. He truly loves me and would do anything for me. He has his faults, he is very financially irresponsible and that is a huge deal to me, and a constant argument in this house, but he is trying and has made great improvement in the past few months. during the first few months of my pregnancy things were pretty rough between us. He kept spending all of his money while I worked every day and saved. I threatened him so many times. I kicked him out of my house and told him to straighten up or hit the road, I would rather be a single mom than support all three of us. When we had the ultrasound and found out that the baby was a girl, and saw emilie for the first time something changed in him. zZOn the way home from the hospital he stopped and prayed at this church close to our house. From that day on he had changed and has proven to be a good father. Don't get me wrong he still has some problems, his financial problems are better but only with my constant help, he still can't really manage to keep it straight on his own. he is wonderful to emilie though, and has never failed me when it comes to helping take care of her. he got up with me in the night every night when he was off work, and we shared those first few weeks, when hormones were raging, sleeep was nowhere to be found, and the three of us were all strangers to each other, when you wondered how in the world you got here? how did this happen so fast and why on earth did you ever think you could be a parent? He held me when I cried from exhaustion, and conforted me when I woried I wasn't a good parent. You just take the good with the bad I suppose.