(no subject)
Just wanted to let you all know that I am doing okay. I'm missing my dad more than I can say, since I have come to realize that he was the only person I spent time with, outside of work, for a very long time. He wasn't just my dad, he had become my best friend. And I miss him like fire. This was bad planning on my part, but I don't regret it. The friends who truly loved me before this journey started still love me and have hung in there through the past ten years. And furthermore? All of you have been awesome. As have the friends I have on the UnaBoard.
The problem is that all of the fun has gone. I do things that I used to love doing with dad....and although I still enjoy them? The real joy of it is gone. I watch the Seahawks and....he isn't there, commenting unfavorably, when the refs mess up. I make comments? And there is no one there to hear them. And I cry. Sure, there are lots of people in my life who I could go watch the Seahawks games with. BUT...I don't WANT to watch the games with THEM...I want to watch them with dad. I feel like a two year old, drumming my heels on the floor and saying "But I don't WANT to watch the game with anyone else. DADDY! Come back here RIGHT NOW and watch this game with me!" How stupid is THAT? Pretty stupid.
But I know that this too shall pass. And I know that I am not alone, and that my life isn't over. It is just different. Some people have said that it will be better, that I now have the ability to regain my OWN life and that I will. I know that this is probably true, but....somehow it seems wrong to me. At this time, anyway. And I kind of resent anyone telling me that my life as it was was somehow...wrong. Because it wasn't. It was the right thing for me to do, and I don't regret doing it. I know that this will change, too. I am not, and never have been, good with change. I like things to continue on in the same comfortable groove that feels....right. Well, it can't and I'll get past it sooner or later.
On a practical note, things are going better than I would have expected with my family in re: the estate. I'm blest with a wonderful family, and I appreciate them more every day. I'm planning on buying dad's house, and I was expecting resistance in the form of making it too hard for me to afford to do this. I'm going to skip a lot of stuff, but suffice to say that views on this from some of my family members who are involved in the estate situation have gone from here to there...and appear to have settled in a manner that is surprisingly, awesomely wonderful. I'm praying that things continue along the path they appear to be traveling. I see God's hand in this, as two of my family members have changed their positions dramatically from earlier apparent attitudes...and for no apparent reason. I can only thank God that he changed their hearts, and I do. Because, frankly? It is miracle. Truly.
So, all in all? I'm doing as well as can be expected.
Thank you for all of your prayers and good thoughts and the love I have felt coming my way. I appreciate you, and YOU ROCK!
My Love,
Cheri
The problem is that all of the fun has gone. I do things that I used to love doing with dad....and although I still enjoy them? The real joy of it is gone. I watch the Seahawks and....he isn't there, commenting unfavorably, when the refs mess up. I make comments? And there is no one there to hear them. And I cry. Sure, there are lots of people in my life who I could go watch the Seahawks games with. BUT...I don't WANT to watch the games with THEM...I want to watch them with dad. I feel like a two year old, drumming my heels on the floor and saying "But I don't WANT to watch the game with anyone else. DADDY! Come back here RIGHT NOW and watch this game with me!" How stupid is THAT? Pretty stupid.
But I know that this too shall pass. And I know that I am not alone, and that my life isn't over. It is just different. Some people have said that it will be better, that I now have the ability to regain my OWN life and that I will. I know that this is probably true, but....somehow it seems wrong to me. At this time, anyway. And I kind of resent anyone telling me that my life as it was was somehow...wrong. Because it wasn't. It was the right thing for me to do, and I don't regret doing it. I know that this will change, too. I am not, and never have been, good with change. I like things to continue on in the same comfortable groove that feels....right. Well, it can't and I'll get past it sooner or later.
On a practical note, things are going better than I would have expected with my family in re: the estate. I'm blest with a wonderful family, and I appreciate them more every day. I'm planning on buying dad's house, and I was expecting resistance in the form of making it too hard for me to afford to do this. I'm going to skip a lot of stuff, but suffice to say that views on this from some of my family members who are involved in the estate situation have gone from here to there...and appear to have settled in a manner that is surprisingly, awesomely wonderful. I'm praying that things continue along the path they appear to be traveling. I see God's hand in this, as two of my family members have changed their positions dramatically from earlier apparent attitudes...and for no apparent reason. I can only thank God that he changed their hearts, and I do. Because, frankly? It is miracle. Truly.
So, all in all? I'm doing as well as can be expected.
Thank you for all of your prayers and good thoughts and the love I have felt coming my way. I appreciate you, and YOU ROCK!
My Love,
Cheri