(no subject)
Merry Christmas, my friends!
You are all wonderful and when I look back on my life before I met you all I am not sure how I got through the days. Sure, I have a family who I love, and who love me back. Sure, I have a best friend here and many other friends and a life. And it is a good life, too...I can't complain. I have people who love me, who are HERE for me. I have a job I love and a boss who is, after all these years, PART of my family.
I've been blest. There have been sad things along the way...awful things....more of those than I like to think about. But along with the pain I have been given, there has been love and laughter and support through the bad times. I can't think of anyone who has had more love in their life than I have had, and I am grateful for that. VERY grateful.
But you know, I get kind of a sick feeling when I think about the fact that if I hadn't literally stumbled upon the SDMB one day, I would never have met ANY of you. You live so far from me, and I have never been much of a traveller. I would never have met you, and I would have missed out on some of the best people I have in my life.
You have supported me through bad times, given me good counsel, loved me even when I was a twit, and never EVER allowed me to give up on either myself or my baby Kobii. I know I haven't always made it easy to love me, but you continued to do so in spite of me.
I didn't cut this, although it is long, because I want you all, every one of you to know, how much you mean to me. I am blest by your presence in my life and you make me humble by your love and friendship.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
NOW comes the cut :)
Well, this is cross posted from the UB, so you may have already read it. But some of you aren't members of our board, so here is an update on my life.
I have been sick lately, and I assumed it was just my usual sinus junk that I get once a year in the fall. I assumed it was just another bout of THAT, which I got because my immune system is depressed because of being upset and stressed and not sleeping well and so forth. But I barely made it through the day at work on Tuesday, so I went to the Doctor yesterday and he yelled at me (nicely) for waiting so long to get in there. I had xrays and I have the mother of all sinus infections. No wonder I feel like a large truck ran over my head. Anyway, I got horse pills and my Doc hugged me after I told him all about Kobii and how awful I feel and how I can't fix anything in my life right now. He said...."Honey, first of all you have to get better....THEN you can work on fixing the rest of the world." I really DO love that man.
But this means that I don't get to do Christmas with my family. I really love Christmas, I really love my family, and I feel like I am wimping out. Of course, it is becoming increasingly hard to walk across the room, so dragging myself to Edmonds (near Seattle) for Christmas is kind of out of the question but still...I feel like I am letting them down. My dad went down yesterday, I was supposed to go with him but....out of the question. My sister called me to let me know he got there safely and to ask me if I had made a card/gift for my nephew Doug and his wife. I got the last of Dad's stuff ready this morning, and I had a nagging feeling I was forgetting something...well, yeah....I totally forgot my whole NEPHEW! I am a bottom feeder, that's all there is to it. So of course I lost it all over my poor sister, who finally said "Cheri, you sound AWFUL....what are you doing out of bed?" Well, I am talking to you and accepting the fact that I am not worth the air I breathe. Which I communicated to her, apparently, since she told me that I was to KNOCK IT OFF and GO TO BED! I assume that she didn't hear a word I said since I was crying too hard to articulate well.
So anyway....in between getting Dad ready to head south, and getting home myself, I also went to the Vet and waited until Doc Todd had a moment to speak to me. Which happened after they closed and it was just him and me and his wife and his dog. (ADORABLE dog....we bonded while I was waiting.....)
So I said "Todd, I need to know. Is it time for me to start having to force myself to make some decisions?" I'd been crying for the whole time I was waiting, so I looked like I had measles. "Todd, I know I am a mess, but I need to know the truth. Don't sugarcoat it just because I don't look like I can handle the truth. I promise, I CAN."
And, here is the scoop.
Todd thinks that Kobii isn't able to handle even the most miniscule amounts of Tapezole, which is what she needs to control her hyperthyroidism. He thinks it makes her nauseous, which makes her not want to eat, which will kill her, and which is complicating things in a MAJOR way. She is plumped up again from being tube fed, but she isn't eating on her own....he thinks it is because of the Tapezol. So, the three vets had a meeting last night and decided to take her off the Tapezol. But without the meds, her hyperthyroidism is going to take off and cause hypertension. And the clinic that does the operation for her thyroid won't DO it until she is healthy. So....unless she can get healthy enough to do the operation, they won't DO the operation. And she isn't going to get healthy without the meds that would control her hyperthyroidism. Which she is apparently too sensitive to take.
Don't know where she gets this "sensitive" stuff. No, really I don't. :rolleyes:
So. There you have it. I said "If we can just get a window in there before the hyperthyroidism returns but after she is eating? Can you get them to do the operation then? I'll sign a paper or something absolving them of liability....if it is her only chance I am willing to take it...." And he doesn't think they would do it. BUT...he also said he has NOT given up on her. SO....there probably isn't much hope, but there is a little bit. HE hasn't given up on her, THANK GOD. So I am not going to give up on her either. I don't think I ever could.
Doc Todd says it will take until Monday for the meds to clear out of her system, and then we will have to make some decisions. Depending on her condition then, he will call the clinic and ask if they will do the operation. Please pray for me that she will be well enough for them to treat her. If she can have this thyroid operation, then she won't have to take the Tapezol and maybe...just maybe....she will be with me for some years. Or months, but they would be healthy HAPPY months.
Either she will be healthy enough to do the operation, or I will bring her home to be with me until it is time to let her go. I won't let her die there, at the vets. She trusts me, I am her person....I cannot let her down. I WON'T let her down. I won't let her be in pain, and I won't let her die alone. I know that some of you think this is totally crazy, and I don't blame you one bit. But...she IS my baby. And I love her, and I don't WANT another cat. I want THIS cat.
In the meantime, I feel like someone packed pepper in my sinuses. My body hurts and it hurts to wear my glasses...they sit on my face where part of my sinuses are, apparently. I feel like a mac truck ran over my body and I am either shivering or sweating. I miss my baby and I feel like if I had known sooner that she had this thyroid thing it wouldn't be so hard to fix. It is my fault, somewhere along the line. I know it.
Also, when I got home I got online and found out that I have better friends than I have any right to have. I don't deserve you, and I can't even begin to express how much you mean to me. You humble me.
Also, Una and Fierra called me and made me feel better....just by virtue of loving me and making me realize that no matter how whacked out I am right now, they don't think I have totally lost my mind. Just temporarily, and they assured me that they will be here to help put me back together when the time is right. Again, I don't deserve them. Or any of you.
So, that's what is going on. I am feeling quite "drama queenish" and whiny and desperate and sorry for myself and all sorts of negative things. BUT....I know it is temporary, and I have friends that will see me through this and will make sure I make it back to who I really am.
I am very grateful. And I love you.
You are all wonderful and when I look back on my life before I met you all I am not sure how I got through the days. Sure, I have a family who I love, and who love me back. Sure, I have a best friend here and many other friends and a life. And it is a good life, too...I can't complain. I have people who love me, who are HERE for me. I have a job I love and a boss who is, after all these years, PART of my family.
I've been blest. There have been sad things along the way...awful things....more of those than I like to think about. But along with the pain I have been given, there has been love and laughter and support through the bad times. I can't think of anyone who has had more love in their life than I have had, and I am grateful for that. VERY grateful.
But you know, I get kind of a sick feeling when I think about the fact that if I hadn't literally stumbled upon the SDMB one day, I would never have met ANY of you. You live so far from me, and I have never been much of a traveller. I would never have met you, and I would have missed out on some of the best people I have in my life.
You have supported me through bad times, given me good counsel, loved me even when I was a twit, and never EVER allowed me to give up on either myself or my baby Kobii. I know I haven't always made it easy to love me, but you continued to do so in spite of me.
I didn't cut this, although it is long, because I want you all, every one of you to know, how much you mean to me. I am blest by your presence in my life and you make me humble by your love and friendship.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
NOW comes the cut :)
Well, this is cross posted from the UB, so you may have already read it. But some of you aren't members of our board, so here is an update on my life.
I have been sick lately, and I assumed it was just my usual sinus junk that I get once a year in the fall. I assumed it was just another bout of THAT, which I got because my immune system is depressed because of being upset and stressed and not sleeping well and so forth. But I barely made it through the day at work on Tuesday, so I went to the Doctor yesterday and he yelled at me (nicely) for waiting so long to get in there. I had xrays and I have the mother of all sinus infections. No wonder I feel like a large truck ran over my head. Anyway, I got horse pills and my Doc hugged me after I told him all about Kobii and how awful I feel and how I can't fix anything in my life right now. He said...."Honey, first of all you have to get better....THEN you can work on fixing the rest of the world." I really DO love that man.
But this means that I don't get to do Christmas with my family. I really love Christmas, I really love my family, and I feel like I am wimping out. Of course, it is becoming increasingly hard to walk across the room, so dragging myself to Edmonds (near Seattle) for Christmas is kind of out of the question but still...I feel like I am letting them down. My dad went down yesterday, I was supposed to go with him but....out of the question. My sister called me to let me know he got there safely and to ask me if I had made a card/gift for my nephew Doug and his wife. I got the last of Dad's stuff ready this morning, and I had a nagging feeling I was forgetting something...well, yeah....I totally forgot my whole NEPHEW! I am a bottom feeder, that's all there is to it. So of course I lost it all over my poor sister, who finally said "Cheri, you sound AWFUL....what are you doing out of bed?" Well, I am talking to you and accepting the fact that I am not worth the air I breathe. Which I communicated to her, apparently, since she told me that I was to KNOCK IT OFF and GO TO BED! I assume that she didn't hear a word I said since I was crying too hard to articulate well.
So anyway....in between getting Dad ready to head south, and getting home myself, I also went to the Vet and waited until Doc Todd had a moment to speak to me. Which happened after they closed and it was just him and me and his wife and his dog. (ADORABLE dog....we bonded while I was waiting.....)
So I said "Todd, I need to know. Is it time for me to start having to force myself to make some decisions?" I'd been crying for the whole time I was waiting, so I looked like I had measles. "Todd, I know I am a mess, but I need to know the truth. Don't sugarcoat it just because I don't look like I can handle the truth. I promise, I CAN."
And, here is the scoop.
Todd thinks that Kobii isn't able to handle even the most miniscule amounts of Tapezole, which is what she needs to control her hyperthyroidism. He thinks it makes her nauseous, which makes her not want to eat, which will kill her, and which is complicating things in a MAJOR way. She is plumped up again from being tube fed, but she isn't eating on her own....he thinks it is because of the Tapezol. So, the three vets had a meeting last night and decided to take her off the Tapezol. But without the meds, her hyperthyroidism is going to take off and cause hypertension. And the clinic that does the operation for her thyroid won't DO it until she is healthy. So....unless she can get healthy enough to do the operation, they won't DO the operation. And she isn't going to get healthy without the meds that would control her hyperthyroidism. Which she is apparently too sensitive to take.
Don't know where she gets this "sensitive" stuff. No, really I don't. :rolleyes:
So. There you have it. I said "If we can just get a window in there before the hyperthyroidism returns but after she is eating? Can you get them to do the operation then? I'll sign a paper or something absolving them of liability....if it is her only chance I am willing to take it...." And he doesn't think they would do it. BUT...he also said he has NOT given up on her. SO....there probably isn't much hope, but there is a little bit. HE hasn't given up on her, THANK GOD. So I am not going to give up on her either. I don't think I ever could.
Doc Todd says it will take until Monday for the meds to clear out of her system, and then we will have to make some decisions. Depending on her condition then, he will call the clinic and ask if they will do the operation. Please pray for me that she will be well enough for them to treat her. If she can have this thyroid operation, then she won't have to take the Tapezol and maybe...just maybe....she will be with me for some years. Or months, but they would be healthy HAPPY months.
Either she will be healthy enough to do the operation, or I will bring her home to be with me until it is time to let her go. I won't let her die there, at the vets. She trusts me, I am her person....I cannot let her down. I WON'T let her down. I won't let her be in pain, and I won't let her die alone. I know that some of you think this is totally crazy, and I don't blame you one bit. But...she IS my baby. And I love her, and I don't WANT another cat. I want THIS cat.
In the meantime, I feel like someone packed pepper in my sinuses. My body hurts and it hurts to wear my glasses...they sit on my face where part of my sinuses are, apparently. I feel like a mac truck ran over my body and I am either shivering or sweating. I miss my baby and I feel like if I had known sooner that she had this thyroid thing it wouldn't be so hard to fix. It is my fault, somewhere along the line. I know it.
Also, when I got home I got online and found out that I have better friends than I have any right to have. I don't deserve you, and I can't even begin to express how much you mean to me. You humble me.
Also, Una and Fierra called me and made me feel better....just by virtue of loving me and making me realize that no matter how whacked out I am right now, they don't think I have totally lost my mind. Just temporarily, and they assured me that they will be here to help put me back together when the time is right. Again, I don't deserve them. Or any of you.
So, that's what is going on. I am feeling quite "drama queenish" and whiny and desperate and sorry for myself and all sorts of negative things. BUT....I know it is temporary, and I have friends that will see me through this and will make sure I make it back to who I really am.
I am very grateful. And I love you.