Oozinator
Ok, so I must admit that I've been out of the loop with kids' toys for a while. But every once in a while, something manages to get my attention.
Remember the Super Soaker? It was slightly suggestive at the time, but we didn't care because it was such an astonishing leap forward in squirtgun technology. Remember squirtguns? They were these little plastic guns that would invariably develop leaks somewhere between putting them under the faucet and pushing that plastic cone into the Achilles Heel at the butt of the handle. Then, the point of the game was to get outside of the house and get your friend slightly damp before all your amunition ends up on the grass. If you had one of those "professional" squirtguns, you could pump enough needles of water into your opponents that they would be slightly wetter than they already were from filling their own pistols.
That's where we were coming from. And then, on the 8th day, God created the Super Soaker. Super Soakers were these day-glow colored uzis outfitted with at least 1 full liter of water (stored in a leak-proof canister) and an ingenious combustion chamber which put that dangerous amount of H2O under some serious pressure. The result was 9mm stream of wetness with a whopping 30 feet of range. It was awesome.
So, while I grew up and started having summer jobs instead of water wars, and went to college and entered the working world, the youth of America has kept the tradition alive. And I suppose that with the entire block upgrading their squirtguns, there has been a quiet arms race brewing, and Hasbro has been playing the war profiteer, selling its latest and greatest weapons to the highest and most recent bidders. A look at the Super Soaker website reveals an arsenal of hydration nightmares that don't even LOOK like guns anymore. See for yourself:
Super Soaker website
But it seems that the endless quest to build a better toy weapon is running out of new frontier. Hasbro has taken the first step toward changing the game... brilliant. The play warfare of tomorrow will evidently be waged by exchanging "globs of bio-ooze" with the enemy.
The new Super Soaker Oozinator shoots both water and goo. Clearly, the first advantage was volume, and the second is viscosity.
Now, I know what you're thinking: gross. Oh, but you don't even know the half of it. Take a look at this monster in action:
Oozinator video
My advice: watch the video muted first, then re-watch (you'll need to) with audio. Then catch your breath and continue reading.
Apparently, it was time for another of the toy industry's famous blunders. Here's the real point.... how do these things make it to production???
I always thought that any product idea, toy, game, and movie had to make the transition from: "Hey, what about this for an idea?" to "Brilliant! Let's make it happen!" by passing a somewhat stringent test of whether or not the idea has merit and, more importantly, could it in any way backfire on us?
Great blunders like Lawn Darts, Slip-n-Slide, talking Barbie, the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000, and the Easy-Bake Oven Poolside Playset are proof that toy company executives either don't ask these questions, or they are complete idiots.
What's worse, these things keep happening despite widespread media coverage and class-action lawsuits. I'm sure that nobody will be injured or damaged (not physically) by the Oozinator. But I think that decency objections from parents will be a problem. Not to mention the many playground scenes I can imagine leading to sexual harassment lawsuits.
Until then, I am going to keep laughing about this for at least a month. I leave you with this final gem:
scroll down to the customer reviews
Skeet Skeet (thanks, John)
Remember the Super Soaker? It was slightly suggestive at the time, but we didn't care because it was such an astonishing leap forward in squirtgun technology. Remember squirtguns? They were these little plastic guns that would invariably develop leaks somewhere between putting them under the faucet and pushing that plastic cone into the Achilles Heel at the butt of the handle. Then, the point of the game was to get outside of the house and get your friend slightly damp before all your amunition ends up on the grass. If you had one of those "professional" squirtguns, you could pump enough needles of water into your opponents that they would be slightly wetter than they already were from filling their own pistols.
That's where we were coming from. And then, on the 8th day, God created the Super Soaker. Super Soakers were these day-glow colored uzis outfitted with at least 1 full liter of water (stored in a leak-proof canister) and an ingenious combustion chamber which put that dangerous amount of H2O under some serious pressure. The result was 9mm stream of wetness with a whopping 30 feet of range. It was awesome.
So, while I grew up and started having summer jobs instead of water wars, and went to college and entered the working world, the youth of America has kept the tradition alive. And I suppose that with the entire block upgrading their squirtguns, there has been a quiet arms race brewing, and Hasbro has been playing the war profiteer, selling its latest and greatest weapons to the highest and most recent bidders. A look at the Super Soaker website reveals an arsenal of hydration nightmares that don't even LOOK like guns anymore. See for yourself:
Super Soaker website
But it seems that the endless quest to build a better toy weapon is running out of new frontier. Hasbro has taken the first step toward changing the game... brilliant. The play warfare of tomorrow will evidently be waged by exchanging "globs of bio-ooze" with the enemy.
The new Super Soaker Oozinator shoots both water and goo. Clearly, the first advantage was volume, and the second is viscosity.
Now, I know what you're thinking: gross. Oh, but you don't even know the half of it. Take a look at this monster in action:
Oozinator video
My advice: watch the video muted first, then re-watch (you'll need to) with audio. Then catch your breath and continue reading.
Apparently, it was time for another of the toy industry's famous blunders. Here's the real point.... how do these things make it to production???
I always thought that any product idea, toy, game, and movie had to make the transition from: "Hey, what about this for an idea?" to "Brilliant! Let's make it happen!" by passing a somewhat stringent test of whether or not the idea has merit and, more importantly, could it in any way backfire on us?
Great blunders like Lawn Darts, Slip-n-Slide, talking Barbie, the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000, and the Easy-Bake Oven Poolside Playset are proof that toy company executives either don't ask these questions, or they are complete idiots.
What's worse, these things keep happening despite widespread media coverage and class-action lawsuits. I'm sure that nobody will be injured or damaged (not physically) by the Oozinator. But I think that decency objections from parents will be a problem. Not to mention the many playground scenes I can imagine leading to sexual harassment lawsuits.
Until then, I am going to keep laughing about this for at least a month. I leave you with this final gem:
scroll down to the customer reviews
Skeet Skeet (thanks, John)