what changes a person's heart?
Ok so at least one positive thing has come from all this stuff with Emma - my mum is finally acknowledging the fact that I have been in a relationship with a girl. Both parents are also being seemingly more supportive of my plans to have hormones etc. Maybe the fact that they know I'm hurting right now is a positive thing for them because it brings out their protective parental instincts. It will probably be a good thing that I'm going back home to them for a while. As the last week has proven, blood probably is still thicker than water.
I'm baffled at how a person who I have always thought to have had the kindest heart in the world, now seems to be having it blackened by all that has gone on. I am no longer totally blaming myself for the break-up of our relationship, because I can now see that I am not the only one who has been at fault. And it's also refreshing to see that I'm not the only one who feels that way. While I feel sorry for Emma that our mutual friends all seem to think she's being really insensitive etc, I can no longer defend her, because she is the one who chooses to spend all of her spare time with her soon-to-be boytoy, rather than the people who have been around forever. I'm a strong believer in karma and I just have to accept that they will get theirs when the time is right. In any case, it is out of my hands now. After the humiliation I suffered at her hands today, I am beginning to feel that I don't even want her in my life at all at this point. I thought she was the most amazing individual I had ever known. Now I'm beginning to see her in a whole new light, and she is selfish and more than a little hearless at times.
I deserve better than that. I neglected her at times, but I would never have treated her the way she is now treating me. At least I didn't discover this after we'd gone off travelling together - the thought of doing this without the support group I have just now is pretty unbearable.
Anyway, this is Ste, hoping to send out some positive signals to the world again soon.
I'm baffled at how a person who I have always thought to have had the kindest heart in the world, now seems to be having it blackened by all that has gone on. I am no longer totally blaming myself for the break-up of our relationship, because I can now see that I am not the only one who has been at fault. And it's also refreshing to see that I'm not the only one who feels that way. While I feel sorry for Emma that our mutual friends all seem to think she's being really insensitive etc, I can no longer defend her, because she is the one who chooses to spend all of her spare time with her soon-to-be boytoy, rather than the people who have been around forever. I'm a strong believer in karma and I just have to accept that they will get theirs when the time is right. In any case, it is out of my hands now. After the humiliation I suffered at her hands today, I am beginning to feel that I don't even want her in my life at all at this point. I thought she was the most amazing individual I had ever known. Now I'm beginning to see her in a whole new light, and she is selfish and more than a little hearless at times.
I deserve better than that. I neglected her at times, but I would never have treated her the way she is now treating me. At least I didn't discover this after we'd gone off travelling together - the thought of doing this without the support group I have just now is pretty unbearable.
Anyway, this is Ste, hoping to send out some positive signals to the world again soon.