Equals 21 pt 1
EQUALS…
Author: Scotianova
Beta-fairy: Carol38
Disclaimer: I don't own them and writing about them is just for fun.
Genre: A story about different shades of love
Pairing: Reid and Luke - as always
Characters: Reid Oliver, Luke Snyder, Ravi Oliver, Ruby Oliver II, Kathryn Peretti, Liath Orbanns, Damien Grimaldi, Henry Coleman,Dustin Donovan, Paul Ryan, Holly McLean…
Warning: none so far
Rating: sexual contents
Summary: On the surface they couldn’t be more different from every point of view, but if someone just looks closely at them…
21.
In the split of a second both men were lost in each other and Reid pushed Luke gently towards the door, reached around him and locked it.
Fumbling with Luke’s belt Reid whispered hoarsely: I have a meeting - in half an hour. Are we going to talk or not talk?”
“Talk about what?”
With that Luke was on his knees, pulling Reid’s pants down and instantly burying his face in that soft red pubic hair. It was of an unmistakable ginger and Luke didn’t know how Reid did it, but he always smelled somehow ‘fresh’ - even sweaty, that special scent of his never faded totally. How often did that guy shower? Once an hour?
“Last night, I didn’t pay that gorgeous head enough attention!” From then on his warm wet mouth took over reassuring Reid without words that he was really crazy about him - about each part of him.
And Reid came so fast and hard that they ended up lying on the floor - laughing.
“Oh my God! I feel like 17 - not able to hold it back! Like in high school!” he chuckled rubbing his eyes, groaning with a mixture of self-irony and embarrassment. “Are we ever leaving high school behind us?”
“Probably not.”
“What a nightmare - never to be rid of those attacks of embarrassment!” Reid groaned self-mockingly.
“Aw - poor you!” Luke pulled Reid’s hand gently off his face and whispered almost a bit shyly: “Don’t be mad - but I’m a bit jealous that I didn’t know you when you were 17 - in high school. I would like to have been there…”
Reid silenced and slowly turned his face to Luke who was still breathing laboredly.
“You were 11 when I was 17…that’s a creepy thought…”
“So aren’t we happy, that I am not 11 anymore?” Luke answered and cupped Reid’s blushed face.
“You’re adorable, Reid!” he whispered and leaned in to underline his statement with a tender kiss.
“I’ve got to go” Reid sighed into Luke’s mouth.
“I know…” Luke answered and leaned his forehead against Reid’s.
“What is this, Luke? This thing with you and me?”
“Let’s just find out!”
“I hope to get back from the hospital at 6pm, have a chat with the kids and we’ll head out at 8 pm. What do you say?”
“Good plan!”
Luke knew he was acting ridiculous, but as soon as Reid was out of the room he felt abandoned. He had written not a single word the last few weeks. Well, he had written, but not on his current novel.
All those feelings for Reid, Ravi and even Ruby were consuming him. All this was new to him. He’d never felt like this before. He’d spent the last ten years exploring himself, listening to his inner voice, so he could say outright, that he knew what was going on with himself. Rubbing his face he still felt Reid’s hand wrapped around his penis - well, his lover had skilled hands - but it wasn’t about getting off at all. Wanting to keep Reid’s scent on him, he cancelled another shower. Noah had been his first relationship - insofar anyone could call those three years of pulling and pushing, withholding intimacy and most importantly total insecurity having had a ‘relationship’. But he’d definitely loved the sexually unresponsive tall man-boy who carried a ton of issues but refused to work on them.
After Noah, avoiding getting emotionally involved had been the only way to move on. Well, there had been feelings for a few men he had spent a limited period of time with - but he’d never felt deeply enough to stay with them. And now the only thing he wanted was to stay with Reid and Ravi - even if that meant he had to give up his current life. That wouldn’t be easy, he was used to making his own choices, traveling a lot, and there had only been one schedule - the one he made himself.
He couldn’t blame Reid though - he wanted that man so, so bad! And he’d known that Reid was committed in many respects. No, it would definitely not be easy.
Maybe tonight they could talk about the impacts of them falling for each other.
Fortunately he was fully dressed again when someone was at his door and he wondered yet again who wanted to talk to him.
“Katie…what a surprise!” He smiled down at the small woman standing at his door.
“Really?”
“Actually, yes. I might not be surprised if Liath was stopping by, though.”
Luke was relieved that Katie commented on his retort with a chuckle
“Any chance, I could coax you into coming with me to my room? You know, in case the kids are looking for me.”
“Sure.”
He followed Katie to her room and wondered where the rest of the clan hid. Well, Reid was at the clinic, the kids had lessons with their private teacher, which was a bit overdone in Luke’s opinion. Attending a public school - or at least a private school - would be good for them.
Maybe it was a good thing that he was in Ravi’s life now to bring some normality into it.
“Why don’t Ravi and Ruby attend schools?”
“Usually they do - this arrangement is just until Ravi becomes strong enough. The thing is that Ruby refuses to go to school because of Ravi having private lessons.”
“Good, because I think some contact with kids of their age would be good for them.”
“Well, we do know that, Luke. We aren’t idiots.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“Then don’t!”
Katie looked at him quizzically but obviously changed her mind and left it with that and offered Luke a seat.
“So, what is it you want to talk with me about?”
Suddenly Katie looked even smaller than usual. She pressed the tips her fingers together as if she needed to get rid of her tension.
“…So you actually want to start the ‘don’t hurt him - talk’, right? Don’t worry, Katie, my intentions are good. It’s just…that …that this thing with Reid swept me off my feet - he’s amazing!
“I know.” Luke loved her knowing, agreeing smile.
“Having said this I have to admit that the whole Oliver clan living arrangement …it’s nothing I would usually chose. And it scares me. Everyone’s life is on ‘public’ display somehow. How do you live with that?”
“To be honest it hasn’t been an issue so far. I’ve known the guys my entire life, I am used to their craziness.”
“How was it then when Reid left for New York? The two of you were so close.”
“I went with them. Reid, Gavin and I lived in an apartment.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah, it didn’t go well. In the beginning it was fun, but you know, Gavin was extremely possessive when it came to Reid. He had a hard time accepting that Reid and I were close - that we shared so much history he couldn’t compete with. When Reid was around he did a good job of hiding his aversion, but when he and I were alone he always pestered me about my feelings for Reid. He wanted me to admit that I was secretly in love with him.”
“And were you?”
“Yes, but not secretly! Reid always knew it. We talked about it many times. He never wanted to hurt me. But it was what it was - you can’t chose who you love, right?”
“Sorry, but it sounds awful!”
“It was - but it wasn’t his fault. And I knew how it was for him. To be loved by someone who you love too - very much - only in a different, a platonic way - this is also mortifying. You feel like an evil person although it’s not your fault. So I decided to go for a scholarship and left for Australia. It was then when their relationship was at a risk of failing, because Reid didn’t want me to go. In the end I pretended to want nothing more than that scholarship. Actually I never got Gavin - you know, he was the idolized one, he was, actually is a stunning beauty. And if he is in the mood he can be charming, nice, intriguing. He can have any man he wants.”
“Reid, too.” Luke couldn’t help from adding and was rewarded with another smile.
“Well, Reid knows that he is a good-looking man, but he isn’t aware of his presence. It’s not on his radar that people, men are lusting after him.
“How could he put up with Gavin’s attitude?”
“I guess he took it for love. Look, Gavin was his first love, his everything. So he was entitled to be a bit blind when it came to Gavin, right?”
“Yeah, you’re right. Thinking of my first love---God, I was a complete idiot.”
Fortunately Katie’s phone rang because Luke didn’t itch after going into detail.
Katie went to the adjacent room to talk in private and Luke looked around her room.
He wouldn’t have taken her as a passionate reader, but she obviously was. There was a huge shelf with only children’s books and Luke nodded smiling. The kids - their marks were everywhere.
Then there were a lot of poetry-books, novels, travelogues, biographies and more. One of the shelves had a niche, specially built for some kind of painting-writing-collage.
It was an abstract bluish-greenish watercolor with handwritten lines between the colors and shades.
“You precious creature
You iridescent Sapphire radiating emerald rays
Delicious tenderness of your smile
Gruesome beauty of yours
Haunting me days and night
Following me into my dreams
Your love is deep
So
Why can’t you love me?
Can’t stand in your sunlight
Can’t survive in your shadow either
The moment I might lose hope you might answer me back someday
I’ll lose my wings
The moment I will lose my wings
I’ll be free.”
This was a strange poem. He couldn’t decipher the Initials at the bottom right corner.
Probably written by an inexperienced author,
It was unpolished but it spoke to Luke.
And he recognized true feelings and especially pain.
Luke still stared at the “painting” when Katie returned.
“Who’s the author? Do you know them?”
“Yeah - it’s Ruby.”
Automatically Luke recalled scenes on a southern beach Ruby-Aurora and Jean-Paul sitting together, seeming close and inseparable and he remembered the guy’s androgynous looks.
Suddenly something didn’t fit.
“Hmm, it’s weird.”
“What?”
“I don’t believe this was written for a man.” He stated while still watching the painting.
“It wasn’t.”
Katie’s voice was calm, soft and so intense that Luke almost shivered. He turned to her and looked her straight in the eye.
“You?”
Katie didn’t answer. She didn’t need to.
“She was in love with you…”
“It was - but it wasn’t his fault. And I knew how it was for him. To be loved by someone who you love too - very much - only in a different, a platonic way - this is also mortifying. You feel like an evil person although it’s not your fault.”
They looked at each other in silence.
“What a cynical joke of fate.” Luke finally commented.
“There was a time I thought that too, but since then I have different point of view. If you love someone and can’t have them you have to let go and move on - but Ruby couldn’t she was trapped in her fantasies and fictive inner universe and that prevented her from living for real.”
“Did you? Did you let go of Reid and move on? I mean having a child with him…don’t get me wrong, little Ruby is a great kid and I am happy you have her, but…”
“There is no but, look - Ravi had lost his mother, Reid had lost the love of his life, I had lost my best friend who was like a sister to me - we were all like lost kids and creating a new life was what Reid and I needed and Ravi got a little sister. And I might sound weird but having Ruby with Reid - it finally helped me to get over him.”
“Well, you and he share something no one else ever will. So in some way he’ll always be yours.”
“If you take it this way it sounds awfully selfish. Maybe it was but I don’t regret it, I can’t regret anything that gave us Ruby!”
“And you shouldn’t. I didn’t mean it that way. Sometimes people just do things for dubious reasons or without even knowing why and in the end something very good comes out of it anyway.
Besides - I don’t plan to drag Reid or Ravi anywhere.”
“Reid is so breakable - he might not appear as if - but he is. When Gavin left him he almost killed himself - not that he was actively suicidal, but he developed a self-destructive behavior that was terrifying and we were so close to losing him and to be honest it would have killed us. I know that sounds theatrical, but we really couldn’t lose him too. We just could not!”
“It’s not theatrical. What I don’t understand though is why Gavin left him anyway. You said he was possessive. Why leave then? It seems weird, right?”
“Yeah, I asked myself the same - and so did Reid - well, they were divided over taking Ravi with them to New York and building a family but it seemed as if Gavin finally agreed, he even asked me to join them again. It didn’t make sense to anyone that he bailed out of the blue.”
“Have you ever considered that Liath was behind it? You know, to protect the family and get Reid back to Boston? It’s something my dad would have done.”
here's Pt 2: http://scotianova.livejournal.com/60454.html