Equals 17 - different edition
EQUALS…
Author: Scotianova
Beta-fairy: Carol38
Disclaimer: I don't own them and writing about them is just for fun.
Genre: A story about different shades of love
Pairing: Reid and Luke - as always
Characters: Reid Oliver, Luke Snyder, Ravi Oliver, Ruby Oliver II, Kathryn Peretti, Liath Orbanns, Damien Grimaldi, Henry Coleman,Dustin Donovan, Paul Ryan, Holly McLean…
Warning: none so far
Rating: sexual contents
Summary: On the surface they couldn’t be more different from every point of view, but if someone just looks closely at them…
AN: This is an attempt to invert some facts and whereabouts but I hope the character drawing is plausible- somehow at least ;)
17.
Well, Luke hadn’t expected Ravi to instantly like his new “grandfather”, but the boy’s reluctance surprised him nevertheless. Maybe it was too much to finally meet his birth father and suddenly there was a new grandfather, too. Luke made an internal note, that he would wait quite some time to bring up the idea of Ravi possibly meeting the entire Luke-related family any time soon. He had to prevent Ravi feeling torn between two families. Luke wanted his son to meet his siblings and even Holden but he wasn’t so sure about Lily. He didn’t know if he could deal with her tendency to be possessive and overwhelming - and he was sure Ravi wouldn’t be able to handle the ‘drama’. The Oliver-family was a complex, cautiously built construct and Luke was positive that they did everything to keep their own dramas from the children - except Papageno maybe since the guy was a personified drama himself.
Ravi needed to stay weeks under close observation and care. But his father was a doctor and at home there was kind of a mini-clinic so Ravi could finally lay in his favorite lounge on the porch greedily inhaling some fresh air and all the familiar fragrances that people connected with “home” - after nearly a month away.
Everybody was sure that he would heal faster finally being at home again and Reid mentioned smirking that in the Oliver mansion surely were no hospital bugs.
Ravi insisted on walking through the entrance alone and his smile enlightened the huge hall.
Every ‘Oliver’ was there and Luke could tell that they frantically tried not to clap and burst out in jubilation - someone must have threatened them to be calm and cautious so Ravi wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. But that someone must have underestimated the boy.
“Who are those strange, silent clones and where is my family?”
With that everything broke out in laughter and Henry couldn’t hold back and hugged Ravi cautiously.
Later the day Ravi was glad that they all tried to give him some space since he actually was exhausted and tired. Noticing that his huge family was tiptoeing around him as if walking on cotton wool he smiled and closed his eyes. There was only one person that behaved normally. Ruby wanted to see his scar finally since she hadn’t been allowed to examine it while he was still in the hospital. Then she was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t as huge as she had expected it to be and her final statement related to his now pale skin:
“I am glad that you aren’t so yellow anymore” before she changed the subject and informed her brother that she’d rearranged the furnishing of their tree house. “Henry and I made some changes, you know - but only good ones. The soft chair - it’s saved for you now!”
Well, this was genuine sisterly love.
Watching brother and sister for a while Luke realized Reid wasn’t here and he instantly wondered where he was.
They’d agreed that Luke would live at the Oliver mansion as long as he and Ravi needed to deepen their connection. As soon as Ravi was over the worst it became clear that he actually wanted to come to know Luke better. It was also very obvious that two men didn’t approve of that. In the beginning Damian was in opposition to the idea of Luke living with the Oliver‘s, because he wanted Luke to stay with him, but he quit nagging, grinned and bore it. Besides Luke’s comment: “Get a grip, Papa, this isn’t about you for a change!” didn’t leave any room for interpretation.
With Liath it was something else, he didn’t give in so “easily” as Damian. It happened three weeks after Ravi’s return to home and everything seemed just fine. Ravi reacted well to his immunosuppressants and his new liver did its job and Luke had the impression everything was almost back to normal and if he was honest with himself Luke felt the soft urge to move increasing - especially since that thing between him and Reid - if it even was a thing - stuck. They had some very nice chats, mostly after the kids were in bed; Katie disappeared into her room mostly with Liath in tow who went to his office - Luke wondered if the old fox ever slept or if he wandered restlessly through the house when everybody else was asleep. Reid had revealed some more details of his life, such as that he loved his mother very much but that there had always been a part of her that frightened him. She seemed to zoom out at times and as a boy Reid couldn’t deal with that. He admitted that he was shocked for months when she died but that he wasn’t surprised actually, because her mysterious death was exactly what he’d feared his entire life. And there had been some moments when Luke almost thought the redhead would come close, maybe lean into him but he’d always pulled away. God, this turned out to be a long procedure that required his best patience - and since patience wasn’t Luke’s best event he became a bit nervous - so maybe it would be a good thing if he made a trip to Oakdale and Paris and came back in two months or so. He would come back - that was beyond all questions. But he was a man, and there was that other man who obviously was gay too but acted like a Victorian Heroine. Well he got it, that Reid was in a predicament - what would happen if he started anything with the biological father of his son, how would Ravi react, how Katie and especially Liath? Whatever - be that as it may - it was frustrating.
Reid on the other hand moved an inch forward towards Luke only to pounce back. Aware of Luke’s increasing restlessness he didn’t believe he was in a place to hold him back. So why start anything only to be left alone afterwards? And he’d never been one for sex just for fun, no strings attached. He learned early in life that there weren’t many things without consequences. And if he and Luke would sleep together the most probable consequence would be Reid left behind with his heart broken. It had taken him so long to patch it together again.
BUT he surely didn’t want to end up like Liath and moreover it was almost impossible to suppress or even ignore his increasing desire for the pretty blond.
So he wasn’t in his best spirits when Liath burst into his room.
“Why are you so damn naïve, Reid? You are an expert in Greek Mythology - so why don’t you recognize the Trojan horse when it’s standing right in front of your nose? Because it’s waggling its ass?”
“Stop being so paranoid, Liath!” Reid was very upset but then added dangerously calm: “And I would advise you quitting your lame insinuations - I am fed up with them!”
“I just don’t get why you are so irresponsibly trusting when it comes to Luke Snyder. I remember you being the one who was even more wary of him in the first place.”
“That’s because I didn’t know him.”
“And you know him now? After what? Two months?”
“What I do know is that he is a nice man, Liath, a very nice man who didn’t blink twice agreeing to donate a part of his liver - even before he’d met Ravi.”
“And you’re sure it’s not because of his pretty face?”
“Listen, Liath - and listen carefully - stay out of this! I surely won’t end up as a monk, so stop trying to castrate me!”
“You’re an idiot! You know for sure that I have no problem with your sexuality - but you do remember what happened after Ruby’s death, right?”
“Right and for how long will you hold that against me? It doesn’t work anymore. But this isn’t about that - this is about Ravi and letting him make his own choices! You know it’s so presumptuous to manipulate the life of your kid in the name of so called ‘care’. Trust me, I surely won’t do to Ravi what all of you have done to Ruby and me!”
“What are you talking about?” Liath pressed under his breath.
“You really think we were idiots, don’t you?“
Now Liath was white as a sheet and the flaring of his nostrils indicated that he was close to exploding.
“Do you actually not know why Ruby had that urge to run to France? She wanted Jack to finally tell her something about our actual father. It drove her insane that she didn’t know anything about him. I on the other side gave a shit about him, if he didn’t want to have anything to do with us - his loss. You know, sometimes it was almost funny to watch all of you trying to keep that secret. Mum and Jack - do you really believe we hadn’t noticed that they had separate rooms, never kissed, and never acted like a couple? There was a time we actually suspected you of being Mum’s lover. And do you remember when Ruby had her first severe accident at the age of 8 or so and lost a huge amount of blood - and strangely enough neither Mum nor Jack were a match for blood donation and I was the only one? I looked it up in one of Angus’ medical books. It wasn’t brain surgery, you know, to draw the right conclusions - not even for a kid.”
“Why did you never ask, never say anything?”
“Why would I? Actually I never felt a connection to Jack and if Mum wanted to keep it a secret I knew she had her reasons. But I won’t do this to Ravi! He deserves to have Luke in his life! And yes, there still are moments when I am scared to death that he might choose Luke over me - but if I have done something right as his dad- he won’t.”
Liath nodded to that and calmed down a bit:
“Just for the record - your mother never told me...you know. She and I were close, but she said - it was for the best if nobody knew. I guess not even the guy himself knows it.”
“Liath, don’t give me this shit! At least after she died you surely kept on and on until you’d tracked him down! I know you!”
Liath didn’t answer and that was a good enough answer anyway.
“…So, is he still alive?”
It was then that Liath shrugged and abruptly left Reid’s room as if he hadn’t heard Reid’s silent question.
Of course it had been one of Reid’s famous rationalizing mechanisms that he pretended to not want to know anything about his father. It had haunted him for years, especially because Ruby had been obsessed with it. The omnipresent feeling that their parents and Liath kept a dark secret from them - maybe was a part of Ruby’s restlessness. Keeping the secret Liath had done what he thought was the right thing to do and yet Reid often wondered what would have happened if they’d known. Why had their mum married ‘Lame Jack’? If it was an arranged marriage why hadn’t she married Liath? Sure he was a control freak with a distinct tendency to paranoia, but he had cojones at last and hadn’t run away after their mother’s death. God, Reid was so tired of all this. How could their mother just die and leave them with that emotional sadist Angus? Reid flinched - he knew he shouldn’t be so hard on Liath who’d really done a lot to save them from Angus but his ongoing priggish spiel when it came to Reid’s past was excruciating.
Since Luke came into their life a lot of things came back to haunt Reid, it felt as if the past reared its head snowballing his laboriously built stability: Ruby’s and his secret investigation only to find that they couldn’t find anything. He could feel that huge black veil that had cloaked his and Ruby’s childhood drop down on him again. His desperate attempts to protect his sister from herself, and the moment he realized that Katie loved him in a way he would never be able to reciprocate. Well they had talked about it over and over again and she assured him that it wasn’t an issue anymore, that she’d long made her peace with it. But could that actually be true? Could this whole Oliver-family-thing last after all?
God, he was tired, tired of the ongoing drama, tired of living a life that wasn’t ‘him’. He shook his head - was he just an ungrateful idiot? Ravi was finally in a good place and if nothing unexpected would happen his convalescence would proceed and hopefully he might live a normal life someday. That was the only thing that actually counted -Ravi’s and Ruby’s happiness - but there was this yearning, fantasizing about having someone in his life again. He really didn’t want to end up like Liath, who yearned for someone he couldn’t have and therefore was filled with bitterness.
He flinched - for God’s sake he was only 38 and he wanted to be himself again.
Well, right now dinner was about to be ready in half an hour and he was hungry like hell. Just when he approached the door to meet the tribe he caught Dusty knocking at his door.
“Hey, Reader -we must talk.”
Every time Dusty used this old nickname there was something cooking.
“What’s wrong?”
“You!”
Reid stared at the withdrawn man and waited for him to continue.
“You don’t get Liath and I want you to stop offending him. He did everything to protect you and Ruby, so stop blaming him for your breakdown back then.”
“I don’t blame him for that - I just won’t accept him interfering in my personal life! I am a grown man, D. I don’t need a moralizer beating my ears!”
“You don’t know what you are talking about, Reid. Have you any idea what it did to him watching you
relentlessly spiral downwards, fearing he would lose you too - after just having lost Ruby? Don’t you get it? You and her - you are as much his children as any biological child could ever be? So get a grip, go to him and apologize or else…”
“Or else?”
“Or else I’ll kick your tiny ass!”
When Reid pinched the bridge of his nose his long-term protector and friend patted his shoulder and grumbled:
“Come on, get it over with.”
Dusty had always been that way, the outwardly grumpy guy couldn’t stand it when Liath and Reid - or other family members - were arguing.
When both men entered the main living room they found Katie, Liath, Henry and Ruby playing Parcheesi while waiting for diner to be ready. Ravi was curled on the couch, reading a book, and Luke chewed the fat with Paul.
Reid placed himself next to Ruby and tried to get Liath’ attention who finally looked up - waiting.
Reid did nothing but pushing his chin forward and looked Liath in the eye. The silent dialogue lasted a few seconds and then Liath nodded, his eyes framed by countless - suddenly -very sympathetic wrinkles. Luke recalled the first time he laid eyes on Liath and despite their differences he admitted that the elder man could be a charmer if he wanted.
“Good - so what’s for dinner?” Reid broke the special moment rubbing his hands.
Luke pricked up his ears and smiled. In the end the Olivers were almost an ordinary family, right?
It was a nice dinner again and watching Ravi eating chicken and mashed potatoes was simply great. Everybody seemed relaxed - even Liath Orbanns and suddenly Luke missed his dad. Sure Damian was a handful but over the past 10 years he’d been nothing but a caring father. It would be nice if Damian would join the dinner table someday. Luke would call him later. Damian never failed to amuse himself somewhere else but Luke just wanted him to be with him right now. Maybe some time…
Luke tried to get rid of the lump in his throat and lifting his eyes - he met inquiring, thoughtful eyes, that Ravi-boy was damn good at sensing varying moods. Luke smiled in order to lighten up the boy’s severe expression but Ravi didn’t smile back, he just kept observing him. What was going on in that boy’s head? An entire universe seemed to hide in his dark eyes. In this very moment Luke confirmed his silent promise, to do everything he could to prevent his son from being hurt by him. He wouldn’t be able to prevent him from being hurt by somebody else but at least he wasn’t supposed to be one of them.
When Luke finally called Damian - after the children had said goodnight and everybody else retreated to their private rooms - Luke couldn’t believe that Damian was out - for dinner with Dr. Weis. Damian would call him back but right now he was busy enjoying the dinner and having a nice conversation with the doctor!
His father never ceased to amaze him, right?
What was he supposed to do now? So Luke opened the huge glass door to the veranda and inhaled the nightly fresh air. The view over the huge garden was so peaceful. Luke shook his head softly, his father on a date with Dr. Weis? What was this all about? He’d promised to not use the poor guy’s attraction to him. But maybe he was just bored and looked for a little diversion.
Luke was lost in thoughts and yet he was aware that he was just waiting for Reid to show up.
“What’s with the headshaking?”
God, how he liked that voice!
“It’s about my father.” Luke answered chuckling and turned to Reid who was leaning at the doorframe with his hands buried in his pockets, and adorably disheveled hair.
“I guess he’s turning Dr. Weis’ head this very moment!”
“What?”
“Yeah - the poor guy has a little crush on my father and he’s not the first man to fall for Damian. He just has this effect on people.”
“Well then…” Reid seemed to want to say more but stopped and just looked at Luke. It was dark outside so the blond couldn’t recognize Reid’s eyes clearly, yet “felt” their clearness somehow.
“Thank you for inviting me here, Reid. It’s such a chance to get to know Ravi so much better. Watching him in his familiar surroundings and looking so much healthier - that’s amazing! So thank you again.”
“You’re welcome.” Reid answered huskily and Luke wasn’t sure if Reid was just a bit hoarse or if something else was going on.
“Are you okay?” he asked cautiously.
“No, not really.”
“Do you want to talk?”
“It’s just a lot coming up - things that might be better staying in the past.”
“Well, sometimes things we want to forget are a pain in the neck and refuse to melt into thin air.”
But Reid didn’t continue opening up.
“You can talk to me, Reid. You can trust me!” Luke said - his voice very soft.
“In college I fell in love with a classmate. We planned our life - with almost military precision.
After I had finished my internship we moved to New York. We were together for so many years. I never thought it would end, but then Ruby died and midway through the craziness that followed he left me - and I totally lost it. ”
“Shit!”
“Yeah, shit!”
But after a while Reid added hesitantly, “listen tonight I’m crushed, but I can’t get rid of the feeling that you’re about to leave soon…and before that … what do you think about talking somewhere else - tomorrow maybe? Ravi is good; I don’t need to be near him 24 hours anymore so we could go to a restaurant or something like that - to talk. Besides I really have to get out of here for a night … the walls are coming closer and closer every day!”
“The walls…?”
“Yeah - it’s a gilded cage here, but it’s a cage nevertheless. And it’s suffocating! I try to tolerate it because of Katie and the kids but sometimes - I don’t know…not sure if I can take it much longer.”
Although Reid obviously felt very uncomfortable right now Luke couldn’t suppress a smile about that cute, babbling, man breathing very short all of a sudden.
“I would like to have dinner with you somewhere else than here very much, Reid!” He answered softly.
“Good! So I’ll arrange everything.”
Luke felt a bit silly about his single-word-questions, but couldn’t help anyway: “Arrange?”
“Yeah - the guys you know - the troops - checking the restaurant and everything else…”
“You actually can’t go for a date without your bodyguards checking the place before? Seriously?”
“If I tried Liath would send them after me - the whole brigade. I know it sounds crazy but he insists on the safety system - as he calls it. He gets frantic about it.”
Finally it dawned on Luke that there was a lot more behind the carefully upheld perfect idyll of the Oliver-mansion. No wonder that Ruby and Reid had tried to escape - Ruby running to France and Reid trying to build a life in New York away from Liath Orbanns’ omnipresent eyes, ears and security-staff.
“Since the kids are around it got even worse.” Reid added and Luke nodded - he could absolutely imagine why.
“Yeah, he is like a lioness. But I am looking forward to a night with just you and me and a whole bunch of security observing in the background.” When Reid looked unbearable insecure as a result Luke put his hand on the older man’s shoulder and added: “I’m kidding - actually I remember the times when my father was still involved in some obscure business, he acted similarly. And I am really looking forward to tomorrow night.”