RP LOG with seeuincourt | Information overload
[Follows THIS]
It had probably been at around midnight that Stuart let one of Tom's nurses coax him to go home for a few hours sleep. He hadn't left Tom's side since waking, and his appearance was more than starting to show how crap he really was feeling, just like Tom had pointed out to him. The nurse and also the doctor on duty assured them Tom was fine, making good progress after regaining consciousness, but they would be keeping him sedated until morning so his body got a little bit more rest. Stuart was too groggy himself to protest how much more rest a post-comatose person needed, so he went home... or rather, he went to Tom's place for the first time since the accident. He took a shower and crashed in Tom's bed, managing to get around five hours solid sleep.
But he was back at The London Bridge Hospital first thing in the morning, and just as promise, Tom was awake and had a little more colour in his cheeks himself. They had him sitting up a little in bed and even though he really did look like a person who had been badly banged up in an accident, he seemed okay mood-wise. At least, until he asked Stuart what had happened. Initially, Stuart tried to fob him off just a little, saying there was no hurry to know and it was sorted now anyway. He was only trying to protect his lover, but Tom was too stubborn, and too much of a lawyer not to have all the facts ASAP, even with a head injury. So, Stuart did the only thing he could... told Tom the whole story.
He sat as close to him as he could, arm tucked protectively around Tom's stomach and his other hand threaded with Tom's as he spoke. He didn't leave anything out, even if talking about it had him choking up and in tears at the difficult parts. He started from when he went into his boss to tell her about their relationship, and how the news of his accident came then and from then on, the shit just kept hitting the fan. He struggled with his anger when he explained about the driver, it taking all his effort not to slam his fist through the pretty glass windows of the room. But now he got to the end of it all, his voice hoarse from the continuous talking and emotion. He brushed his thumb anxiously against Tom's palm and watched his face closely. "B-But on the upside, I brought really awesome porn," he ended, picking up his leather satchel from beside him and fumbling a portable DVD player out and holding it up. "And a Mars Bar," he added when a half-eaten Mars bar along with an empty crisp packet dropped on the bed beside Tom's hip. Stuart bit down on his lip. "Are you okay, love?" he asked in a soft voice.
Tom blinked, his face not showing much emotion. Mostly it was because it did actually hurt when he tried to be too expressive. He just looked at Stuart, and then looked at the portable DVD player. His driver had killed Keith. His driver had almost killed him. Tom was at a loss for words. He'd had the same driver for nearly ten years. He couldn't actually fathom the man doing something so reckless and stupid, and yet...
He blinked again, and tears gathered in his eyes that he didn't have the energy to stop. He was angry, confused, and hurt, and he didn't know which one he felt the most. Then there was grief for his ex-paralegal. He hadn't actually had much of a chance to process the fact Keith was dead before he'd been dragged down to the station by Gee and Stuart for questioning. He'd been a suspect because of his almost relationship with the victim. It had been purely sex on Tom's side, and he still remembered that awful moment where Keith had declared his love for him.
It hadn't felt like it did with Stuart. There had been no little voice screaming with joy, just a little voice screaming at him to run far, far away. It just made him realise how much he really did love Stuart. He hadn't been ready for it before, and if he were honest he would admit to not exactly finding Keith worthy of his love, or devotion. Clearly his driver felt otherwise, and for a moment Tom felt sympathy towards the bloke.
Until he remembered what a crazy motherfucker he was. He realised he'd been quiet a long time, and looked up into Stuart's eyes. "I'm just... I'm, erm... It's a lot to take in. Not really sure I want to smash something in or not, even when I don't have the energy for it."
Stuart pushed the DVD player aside and stood up so he could press a small kiss to Tom's forehead. "It's alright, okay? It's okay to be pissed off, to be sad, upset, to grieve. Maybe all at once. This is... how could anyone possibly have tried to anticipate any of this? It was like all my worst nightmares were coming true when your name came up. A copper doesnae ever want to have someone they love land on their case books. Then it was just like it was all slipping out of my control... like you were slipping out of my reach," he admitted, his voice breaking at the end. "Then it took all this horrible turn... he might've... he... I nearly lost you," he settled on, giving Tom's hand a squeeze. "And it's because of all that that I cannae even begin to know how hard this is for you, it's only just scratching the surface. But if you want... I mean... you dinnae have to talk to me, but if you want to, just about anything, you can. You dinnae have to just sit on it all. I'm nay going to ever think any less of you."
"I just don't understand," Tom murmured. "I mean... I do, but I don't. Why the fuck couldn't he have just sucked it up, and dealt with it without killing someone? Without trying to frame me? I get that I was a prick... am a prick, but I didn't deserve that." He sucked on his bottom lip briefly before looking at Stuart. "I didn't, did I? How is it fair to punish me for finally finding someone just because I didn't want that someone, or he didn't want my sodding driver? I just... I don't get it."
Stuart shook his head as he brushed the tips of his fingers just lightly through Tom's hair well away from the injury. "You probably willnae ever understand it. I dinnae think it's possible to, and maybe better if you dinnae. It was just... completely fucked. The guy was in love with you, and your driver was in love with him, but it wasnae healthy. There was nay reciprocation anywhere and that sort of thing... it's the biggest causes of crimes like this. You didnae do anything wrong. You didnae deserve any of it, of course you didnae! You got caught in the crossfire of a nutcase. He's worked for you for so long, it was probably just hard for you to see that he was anything but a loyal employee. He was a loyal employee... he just resented you. That resent turned into something terrible and this was the result. I just wish he... didnae put your life at risk like that. You shouldnae have survived that crash. It's only because the van swerved that you did. I wanted to kill him. If I had been in that interview with him, I would have," he admitted in a whisper.
Tom had slumped back against the pillows, but he was still watching Stuart, and hanging onto him tightly. Something flashed in his blue eyes and he gritted his teeth. "I wouldn't have blamed you... Probably would have got you on a jet and flown you away to keep you from getting arrested for it. We could have lived out our days on some secluded island where no one could touch us." He wet his lips. "I just... I don't know. I guess I'm still wondering how the fuck this has become my life right now. I liked it before. I want to go back to the lunch, and the celebration afterwards. I want to erase the stupid fucking accident, and all this shit. I just want to be healthy enough to shag you rotten."
Stuart gave Tom a soft kiss, still staying close so Tom didn't have to strain for any reason. "I hated myself for that interview. I know it hurt you, on some level, and that was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. I was just trying to wrap my head around that, pretty convinced you wouldnae want much more to do with me after it, when my boss told me you had been in an accident. It was horrible. I didnae cope very well at all with any of it. It's pretty much one big, crap blur after that. It was like people were talking to me, but it was just going in one ear and out the other. All I could think was that I was going to lose you before I even had you, and I'd fucked everything up with you. I just need you to know I'm sorry for that day, for all of it. I wish I could go back and change it all, stop any of this happening so you dinnae ever have to think about any of it again. And I'm sorry you're going to have to live with this and cope with it, but you arenae alone. I'll stick by you, and we'll get through it somehow. We'll go on that holiday when you're feeling better, but until then, I'll take care of you once you get out of here. You'll be healthy. It just might take some time... and there'll be scars."
Tom was nodding a little to make sure Stuart understood he was taking it in, even if he was still a little dopey. He held tightly onto the detective's hand and ran his tongue over his lips again. They were dry, and cracked, and Tom hated it. He wanted to feel normal. He didn't want to be confined to a stupid bed. Or if he was, he wanted it to at least be his own bed, and for Stuart to be right there next to him. Like they had been together with the Man Flu. "Of course I would have wanted something to do with you after that. I was hurt, but I understood. I also knew I was innocent, and just hoped like fuck you would prove it. Scars? What scars?"
Stuart let his head drop a little, almost like he was ashamed. "I knew you were too. Of course I did. You were there with me that whole night, and then again in the morning. But even that aside, I know I havenae known you that long, but it's long enough. You couldnae have ever been capable of something like that. Even if something was wrong, or it was an accident, you wouldnae have it in you to cause someone such horrific injuries. You're too good. And I can see that if ever someone in your life has been important to you, on whatever level, you respect that. You respect it for what it is, so I know hearing that the guy was killed had to have been extremely painful for you, even if you werenae in a relationship with him. He still meant something to you, whatever it was. Still enough to make a mark on you, and even if you dinnae like to show it externally, you do care. You care a lot. You just havenae had a chance to realise how much yet."
He lifted his head again, meeting Tom's eyes and then brushing a soft kiss against his lips. He stepped back to tug the curtain around the bed just a little and pulled the sheets away carefully from Tom's torso. Tom was sat up in bed enough to be able to see, so Stuart eased his gown up just to his chest. It wasn't like Tom would be overly bothered having his bits on show briefly. There were dressings over the operation site, but not near as many as there had been initially. "When they first brought you into hospital, you had a lot of internal bleeding. You had to have an operation so they could go in and stop it. But when they opened you up, it was worse than they thought, so they needed to work a wee bit harder. You've got a pretty big incision wound from just under your chest down to your belly button. They said it'll scar. You'll always know why it's there, but it's also a sign that they saved your life just in time. And no hot curries for a wee while, apparently," he added with a small smirk, trying to lighten things for Tom just a little.
Tom just stared at his abdomen, the sight not quite sinking in. Or rather, he didn't want it to sink in. He didn't want to think about a permanent reminder of all the shit that hit the fan. Of the fact his driver had murdered Keith, and then almost killed them both. Of the fact that he had been so close to losing Stuart, and there would have been nothing he could have done. He closed his eyes when he felt tears prick the backs of his eyes and reached out to take the detective's hand. "And I was just thinking about a curry," he murmured.
Stuart pressed his lips together and nodded a little. Now wasn't the time to talk, even if he suddenly felt like he had a lot he needed to say. Tom wasn't absorbing it, and it wasn't like Stuart didn't understand that. He felt the emotion catch up in his throat, but he had to swallow it back as he took Tom's hand. He leaned over and gave Tom a careful hug, rubbing his thumb across his arm in an attempt to try and soothe him some way. He just didn't really know how successful he was going to be with any of that. "I'll make you one without the... curry," he offered weakly, knowing how fucking lame that sounded, but really having no idea what else to say without getting another case of verbal diarrhoea.
"Can you stay? Just for a little longer." Tom pushed Stuart away just a little so he could look into his eyes. His hand still clung weakly to his sleeve. "I know I'm not... I know I'm not curry right now, but please just stay for a little longer. I wish my brain worked better."
Stuart nodded, watching Tom's face tiredly. "Of course," he murmured, resting his other hand on the side of the bed so he could brace his weight a little. "I told you I wasnae going anywhere, nay until you want me to," he promised.
"I'm not ever going to want you to," Tom choked out in a whisper before he dropped his head so he could hide it against Stuart's arm, and just breathe in his familiar scent. All he wanted was to have Stuart's arms around him if he did have to be stuck in a miserable ball of pain.
Stuart sat down on the edge of the bed and embraced Tom carefully again, making sure all the tubes and wires were going to stay where they were supposed to. He let his eyes fall closed in an attempt to stop the tears he could feel threatening and stroked his fingers through the back of Tom's hair. "Then it looks like you're stuck with me," he whispered, wishing he could just pull the plug and teleport them onto a cruise somewhere with Tom feeling better and everything just... not so painful.
Word Count | 2,700
It had probably been at around midnight that Stuart let one of Tom's nurses coax him to go home for a few hours sleep. He hadn't left Tom's side since waking, and his appearance was more than starting to show how crap he really was feeling, just like Tom had pointed out to him. The nurse and also the doctor on duty assured them Tom was fine, making good progress after regaining consciousness, but they would be keeping him sedated until morning so his body got a little bit more rest. Stuart was too groggy himself to protest how much more rest a post-comatose person needed, so he went home... or rather, he went to Tom's place for the first time since the accident. He took a shower and crashed in Tom's bed, managing to get around five hours solid sleep.
But he was back at The London Bridge Hospital first thing in the morning, and just as promise, Tom was awake and had a little more colour in his cheeks himself. They had him sitting up a little in bed and even though he really did look like a person who had been badly banged up in an accident, he seemed okay mood-wise. At least, until he asked Stuart what had happened. Initially, Stuart tried to fob him off just a little, saying there was no hurry to know and it was sorted now anyway. He was only trying to protect his lover, but Tom was too stubborn, and too much of a lawyer not to have all the facts ASAP, even with a head injury. So, Stuart did the only thing he could... told Tom the whole story.
He sat as close to him as he could, arm tucked protectively around Tom's stomach and his other hand threaded with Tom's as he spoke. He didn't leave anything out, even if talking about it had him choking up and in tears at the difficult parts. He started from when he went into his boss to tell her about their relationship, and how the news of his accident came then and from then on, the shit just kept hitting the fan. He struggled with his anger when he explained about the driver, it taking all his effort not to slam his fist through the pretty glass windows of the room. But now he got to the end of it all, his voice hoarse from the continuous talking and emotion. He brushed his thumb anxiously against Tom's palm and watched his face closely. "B-But on the upside, I brought really awesome porn," he ended, picking up his leather satchel from beside him and fumbling a portable DVD player out and holding it up. "And a Mars Bar," he added when a half-eaten Mars bar along with an empty crisp packet dropped on the bed beside Tom's hip. Stuart bit down on his lip. "Are you okay, love?" he asked in a soft voice.
Tom blinked, his face not showing much emotion. Mostly it was because it did actually hurt when he tried to be too expressive. He just looked at Stuart, and then looked at the portable DVD player. His driver had killed Keith. His driver had almost killed him. Tom was at a loss for words. He'd had the same driver for nearly ten years. He couldn't actually fathom the man doing something so reckless and stupid, and yet...
He blinked again, and tears gathered in his eyes that he didn't have the energy to stop. He was angry, confused, and hurt, and he didn't know which one he felt the most. Then there was grief for his ex-paralegal. He hadn't actually had much of a chance to process the fact Keith was dead before he'd been dragged down to the station by Gee and Stuart for questioning. He'd been a suspect because of his almost relationship with the victim. It had been purely sex on Tom's side, and he still remembered that awful moment where Keith had declared his love for him.
It hadn't felt like it did with Stuart. There had been no little voice screaming with joy, just a little voice screaming at him to run far, far away. It just made him realise how much he really did love Stuart. He hadn't been ready for it before, and if he were honest he would admit to not exactly finding Keith worthy of his love, or devotion. Clearly his driver felt otherwise, and for a moment Tom felt sympathy towards the bloke.
Until he remembered what a crazy motherfucker he was. He realised he'd been quiet a long time, and looked up into Stuart's eyes. "I'm just... I'm, erm... It's a lot to take in. Not really sure I want to smash something in or not, even when I don't have the energy for it."
Stuart pushed the DVD player aside and stood up so he could press a small kiss to Tom's forehead. "It's alright, okay? It's okay to be pissed off, to be sad, upset, to grieve. Maybe all at once. This is... how could anyone possibly have tried to anticipate any of this? It was like all my worst nightmares were coming true when your name came up. A copper doesnae ever want to have someone they love land on their case books. Then it was just like it was all slipping out of my control... like you were slipping out of my reach," he admitted, his voice breaking at the end. "Then it took all this horrible turn... he might've... he... I nearly lost you," he settled on, giving Tom's hand a squeeze. "And it's because of all that that I cannae even begin to know how hard this is for you, it's only just scratching the surface. But if you want... I mean... you dinnae have to talk to me, but if you want to, just about anything, you can. You dinnae have to just sit on it all. I'm nay going to ever think any less of you."
"I just don't understand," Tom murmured. "I mean... I do, but I don't. Why the fuck couldn't he have just sucked it up, and dealt with it without killing someone? Without trying to frame me? I get that I was a prick... am a prick, but I didn't deserve that." He sucked on his bottom lip briefly before looking at Stuart. "I didn't, did I? How is it fair to punish me for finally finding someone just because I didn't want that someone, or he didn't want my sodding driver? I just... I don't get it."
Stuart shook his head as he brushed the tips of his fingers just lightly through Tom's hair well away from the injury. "You probably willnae ever understand it. I dinnae think it's possible to, and maybe better if you dinnae. It was just... completely fucked. The guy was in love with you, and your driver was in love with him, but it wasnae healthy. There was nay reciprocation anywhere and that sort of thing... it's the biggest causes of crimes like this. You didnae do anything wrong. You didnae deserve any of it, of course you didnae! You got caught in the crossfire of a nutcase. He's worked for you for so long, it was probably just hard for you to see that he was anything but a loyal employee. He was a loyal employee... he just resented you. That resent turned into something terrible and this was the result. I just wish he... didnae put your life at risk like that. You shouldnae have survived that crash. It's only because the van swerved that you did. I wanted to kill him. If I had been in that interview with him, I would have," he admitted in a whisper.
Tom had slumped back against the pillows, but he was still watching Stuart, and hanging onto him tightly. Something flashed in his blue eyes and he gritted his teeth. "I wouldn't have blamed you... Probably would have got you on a jet and flown you away to keep you from getting arrested for it. We could have lived out our days on some secluded island where no one could touch us." He wet his lips. "I just... I don't know. I guess I'm still wondering how the fuck this has become my life right now. I liked it before. I want to go back to the lunch, and the celebration afterwards. I want to erase the stupid fucking accident, and all this shit. I just want to be healthy enough to shag you rotten."
Stuart gave Tom a soft kiss, still staying close so Tom didn't have to strain for any reason. "I hated myself for that interview. I know it hurt you, on some level, and that was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. I was just trying to wrap my head around that, pretty convinced you wouldnae want much more to do with me after it, when my boss told me you had been in an accident. It was horrible. I didnae cope very well at all with any of it. It's pretty much one big, crap blur after that. It was like people were talking to me, but it was just going in one ear and out the other. All I could think was that I was going to lose you before I even had you, and I'd fucked everything up with you. I just need you to know I'm sorry for that day, for all of it. I wish I could go back and change it all, stop any of this happening so you dinnae ever have to think about any of it again. And I'm sorry you're going to have to live with this and cope with it, but you arenae alone. I'll stick by you, and we'll get through it somehow. We'll go on that holiday when you're feeling better, but until then, I'll take care of you once you get out of here. You'll be healthy. It just might take some time... and there'll be scars."
Tom was nodding a little to make sure Stuart understood he was taking it in, even if he was still a little dopey. He held tightly onto the detective's hand and ran his tongue over his lips again. They were dry, and cracked, and Tom hated it. He wanted to feel normal. He didn't want to be confined to a stupid bed. Or if he was, he wanted it to at least be his own bed, and for Stuart to be right there next to him. Like they had been together with the Man Flu. "Of course I would have wanted something to do with you after that. I was hurt, but I understood. I also knew I was innocent, and just hoped like fuck you would prove it. Scars? What scars?"
Stuart let his head drop a little, almost like he was ashamed. "I knew you were too. Of course I did. You were there with me that whole night, and then again in the morning. But even that aside, I know I havenae known you that long, but it's long enough. You couldnae have ever been capable of something like that. Even if something was wrong, or it was an accident, you wouldnae have it in you to cause someone such horrific injuries. You're too good. And I can see that if ever someone in your life has been important to you, on whatever level, you respect that. You respect it for what it is, so I know hearing that the guy was killed had to have been extremely painful for you, even if you werenae in a relationship with him. He still meant something to you, whatever it was. Still enough to make a mark on you, and even if you dinnae like to show it externally, you do care. You care a lot. You just havenae had a chance to realise how much yet."
He lifted his head again, meeting Tom's eyes and then brushing a soft kiss against his lips. He stepped back to tug the curtain around the bed just a little and pulled the sheets away carefully from Tom's torso. Tom was sat up in bed enough to be able to see, so Stuart eased his gown up just to his chest. It wasn't like Tom would be overly bothered having his bits on show briefly. There were dressings over the operation site, but not near as many as there had been initially. "When they first brought you into hospital, you had a lot of internal bleeding. You had to have an operation so they could go in and stop it. But when they opened you up, it was worse than they thought, so they needed to work a wee bit harder. You've got a pretty big incision wound from just under your chest down to your belly button. They said it'll scar. You'll always know why it's there, but it's also a sign that they saved your life just in time. And no hot curries for a wee while, apparently," he added with a small smirk, trying to lighten things for Tom just a little.
Tom just stared at his abdomen, the sight not quite sinking in. Or rather, he didn't want it to sink in. He didn't want to think about a permanent reminder of all the shit that hit the fan. Of the fact his driver had murdered Keith, and then almost killed them both. Of the fact that he had been so close to losing Stuart, and there would have been nothing he could have done. He closed his eyes when he felt tears prick the backs of his eyes and reached out to take the detective's hand. "And I was just thinking about a curry," he murmured.
Stuart pressed his lips together and nodded a little. Now wasn't the time to talk, even if he suddenly felt like he had a lot he needed to say. Tom wasn't absorbing it, and it wasn't like Stuart didn't understand that. He felt the emotion catch up in his throat, but he had to swallow it back as he took Tom's hand. He leaned over and gave Tom a careful hug, rubbing his thumb across his arm in an attempt to try and soothe him some way. He just didn't really know how successful he was going to be with any of that. "I'll make you one without the... curry," he offered weakly, knowing how fucking lame that sounded, but really having no idea what else to say without getting another case of verbal diarrhoea.
"Can you stay? Just for a little longer." Tom pushed Stuart away just a little so he could look into his eyes. His hand still clung weakly to his sleeve. "I know I'm not... I know I'm not curry right now, but please just stay for a little longer. I wish my brain worked better."
Stuart nodded, watching Tom's face tiredly. "Of course," he murmured, resting his other hand on the side of the bed so he could brace his weight a little. "I told you I wasnae going anywhere, nay until you want me to," he promised.
"I'm not ever going to want you to," Tom choked out in a whisper before he dropped his head so he could hide it against Stuart's arm, and just breathe in his familiar scent. All he wanted was to have Stuart's arms around him if he did have to be stuck in a miserable ball of pain.
Stuart sat down on the edge of the bed and embraced Tom carefully again, making sure all the tubes and wires were going to stay where they were supposed to. He let his eyes fall closed in an attempt to stop the tears he could feel threatening and stroked his fingers through the back of Tom's hair. "Then it looks like you're stuck with me," he whispered, wishing he could just pull the plug and teleport them onto a cruise somewhere with Tom feeling better and everything just... not so painful.
Word Count | 2,700