why do things like this happen to me?...
omg... i feel like im goin to go into tears... i fuckin hate it when this happens... ok heres the story... im sitting here... in a good mood... then one of my good friends says "hey did you know that me and andrew nicholson are dating"... my heart dropped... i have liked this guy since me and him started talkin almost a year ago.. and he said he liked me... and... i almost go into tears right then... so i say "no".. cause i didnt know that... and she askes me... flat out... remembering last week when i told her that he was a dick... "was he one of the guys that was a jerk to you?"... i say yes cause he was... i was FUCKIN JOKIN... and he gets all pissy and calls me a bitch and blocks me... and hasnt talked to me since... and i told her that... and i also told her that i liked him... and.... ugh... she still... i feel betrayed... yet... pissed... yet... very sad... yet... happy for her... it just kills me... to hear that... he has always talked to me and saying that his girlfriends are all bitches or sluts... and she has always gone out with the people that she shouldnt have... she knows is wrong... guys like that... and ugh... jamie doesnt think they will last long.. but... deep down... in a way... i think they will... but i hope they dont... but i also hope they do... i dont know... i need help... what the hell is happening to me... a year ago... things like this wouldnt have mattered to me... i would be like good for you... and go on... not turning around... i always fall in love with the guys i can never get... it is a curse... i hear those stories about the people that get murdered... or end up getting killed in some freak accident... and sometimes... i wish it was me... i wish i was at that school goin to the bathroom when the maniac comes around the corner with the gun... or i wish i was over there when the tsunami hit... and i got carried off by the wave... killed cause im not a strong swimmer... i know its sad... but at least im not going to kill myself... i should just go and cry... cause this lump in the back of my throat is getting bigger and bigger by the second... but i dont want to... that wouldnt be good...