(no subject)
I'm really stressed out right now, and even though I've talked a lot of my friends ears of about this subject, I really need to write somethings down and maybe it will help me decide what the fuck to do! Mike hates Vermont, and said " This place is eating me alive" the only reason that he is staying is because of me.. if we had never met, he would be in Iraq by now, and now.. he would've been in NY with his father living, but he decided not to because of me once again... I feel like such an awful person just to be alive right now, it feels like either way I'm gonna loose something, if he moves to NY to live with his dad, I wont ever see him, and after his vacation for just 2 weeks things are way different and I know myself, and I know that we wouldn't last in a long disance relationship it's way to much pressure and heartake. But then again, if he stays.. he gets to be with me.. but.. he's still not happy, because he's in Vermont...and I really just want him to be happy. I want it soo badly...I just don't know what to do. If it wasn't for my mother I would go get my GED as soon as I was ready and go to college asap in NY, I always wanted to live in NY anyways I love it there! And I also hate Vermont, I'm dying to get out, and I know how he feels, it's just soo hard right now cause I have to stay in highschool, even if my mom let me "drop out" and get my GED-go to college early and all that jazz, she would never let me move in with Mike and live in NY. It just feels like there is no way out...I'm so stressed right now, and it feels like everytime either one of us even thinks about it tears start to come, and I'm SOO fucking overwhelmed with stuff right now as life is, with school next month and harder classes and friends moving away. As if life wasn't already hard enough.. lets put a lot more stress on the situation, not to menchen the big money crunch right now, and food problems that is going on.. cause Mike has $50 to live on for the next 2 weeks, and it's just like there is one problem after the next. Right when I think things are finally going to go right cause he got a new job, and a new car.. it just turns out that there are even more problems then expected! OMG!!!!!!