Crazy talk
hey, lately I've been reflecting a lot. I'm not sure if I've come to any conclutions or if any of it even makes sence. I've just been thinking a lot about Mike, and how he's moving away at the end of the summer. I'm closer to him than I am most people. It feels like I've traded my mother in for him. And that feels ok. Is that bad? I hate my mom so much lately, we have nothing in common and I just can't stand being around her. And I've been living with Mike basically, non stop time together except today cause it's the last day his brother Nick is up and he wont see him for a long long time because he lives in Indiana. I love Mike more than I've ever loved anyone in a romantic way, and I could honostly see myself with him for a very very long time. It's just sometimes, we fight over the stupidest things, and I feel trapped, like there is more out there that I should be experiencing but maybe he's standing in the way? I want to take him with me on adventues, but I haven't even figured out what I'm missing and need to do so badly. If anyone he should be the one complaining, I mean he gave up the marines for me. He gave up so much.. and I feel like I've taken it from him, and I know somewhere in him, he wants it back. But I told him straight out, if that's what you want to do don't let me stand in your way. And he picked me. Have you ever felt like you love someone so much and want to be so close to them that you just want to crawl into them and become one with them, like into their soul or something? I had that feeling last night, it was totally non sexual. It was just a wanting to be close with them, but physically cant and just wanting to seep intot them.. weird eh? I really do love him. I pray all the time that we stay together, but at the same time, I'm afraid there is something else out there.. something I can't even imagine, and I want to be open to it, I don't want to miss it. It could be a person, it could be a thing, it could be a place, and event, something, life changing, and I don't want to miss it. I want to bring Mike with me though. arg.. idk what I'm talking about, such a rush of thoughts all at once. It's crazy.