an unhappy ending
So I dropped off the card at the hotel last night and around 10 he started texting me... after repeated texts back and forth I insisted he call because it's too hard to have these talks thru phone texts.
We spoke for about 40 minutes... he ignored me all week because he thinks we need space from each other. I called him a hypocrite and selfish for his behavior, to see me when it's convenient for him but not even answer when I call? That's bullshit.
Basically the conversation ended with me telling him that I hate him, a real deep centered hate that will get me thru this healing time. I have forgiviness in me and I know I won't hate him forever but what he has done to me, not once but twice, is not friendship, or even care for that matter.
I am hurt and pissed off.
I wish I could see his face once more....
so I could punch it.
I spent alot of time praying last night... trying to find clarity and purpose for the pain I've had to endure lately. I am asking god to help me do what's right and to accept things I can't change. I am going to try hard to put my focus on saving for the house and making that happen. I really think it might be a good move to relocate when the lease is up in november.... orlando has not been such a lucky place for what I am looking for and it will always be here if I want to come back later.
Tampa seems nice, or even st petersberg area...somewhere close to the water and a nice church.. I really need a change of pace. My only fear is trying to find a decent job again. I hate job hunting...I will miss my friends, those that are left here anyways....
well, that's an update from me... I went to bed with a killer headache last night and woke up with it this morning. I am so angry about John but it is out of my hands now... he will learn his mistakes with time and I will, as usual, be there to throw it back in his face.
I have had a few friends on myspace sending me these funny little quizes with "get to know you" questions on it.. most of them are funnny.... there is a question that says "tell me one thing about you I never knew"... my answer tells about the 3 month curse...
all my boyfriends (if it even makes it that far which lately it has not) but my relationships last 3 months... just 3 months almost to the day... after 3 months it's inevitable they bail out on me... the few that go beyond 3 months fall hopelessly in love with me... I have even been proposed to 3 seperate times. All by the wrong people though.
The 3 month curse,... I wonder if there is any prayer that will lift that?
I have the weekend off and no exciting plans... this is when I tend to go crazy and start shopping. I am trying hard not to do that though I want to save cash as much as possible. I think I might go open a savings account next payday but it makes more sense to pay off into my credit cards with higher interest than to save in a savings account. I don't know what to do. I just do not want to meet with a lender regarding a house and them say hey little girl you have no cash how the heck do you think you can buy something?
I wish I had a money tree.
How many times do you think I need to have my heart broken?
What is wrong with me that makes me so unlovable?
We spoke for about 40 minutes... he ignored me all week because he thinks we need space from each other. I called him a hypocrite and selfish for his behavior, to see me when it's convenient for him but not even answer when I call? That's bullshit.
Basically the conversation ended with me telling him that I hate him, a real deep centered hate that will get me thru this healing time. I have forgiviness in me and I know I won't hate him forever but what he has done to me, not once but twice, is not friendship, or even care for that matter.
I am hurt and pissed off.
I wish I could see his face once more....
so I could punch it.
I spent alot of time praying last night... trying to find clarity and purpose for the pain I've had to endure lately. I am asking god to help me do what's right and to accept things I can't change. I am going to try hard to put my focus on saving for the house and making that happen. I really think it might be a good move to relocate when the lease is up in november.... orlando has not been such a lucky place for what I am looking for and it will always be here if I want to come back later.
Tampa seems nice, or even st petersberg area...somewhere close to the water and a nice church.. I really need a change of pace. My only fear is trying to find a decent job again. I hate job hunting...I will miss my friends, those that are left here anyways....
well, that's an update from me... I went to bed with a killer headache last night and woke up with it this morning. I am so angry about John but it is out of my hands now... he will learn his mistakes with time and I will, as usual, be there to throw it back in his face.
I have had a few friends on myspace sending me these funny little quizes with "get to know you" questions on it.. most of them are funnny.... there is a question that says "tell me one thing about you I never knew"... my answer tells about the 3 month curse...
all my boyfriends (if it even makes it that far which lately it has not) but my relationships last 3 months... just 3 months almost to the day... after 3 months it's inevitable they bail out on me... the few that go beyond 3 months fall hopelessly in love with me... I have even been proposed to 3 seperate times. All by the wrong people though.
The 3 month curse,... I wonder if there is any prayer that will lift that?
I have the weekend off and no exciting plans... this is when I tend to go crazy and start shopping. I am trying hard not to do that though I want to save cash as much as possible. I think I might go open a savings account next payday but it makes more sense to pay off into my credit cards with higher interest than to save in a savings account. I don't know what to do. I just do not want to meet with a lender regarding a house and them say hey little girl you have no cash how the heck do you think you can buy something?
I wish I had a money tree.
How many times do you think I need to have my heart broken?
What is wrong with me that makes me so unlovable?