simmering anger shut tightly beneath the lid
its hard to say how long this night has been. Not this night, for it is now only a continuation of the night before. Lack of sleep due to anger that has made my hands shake and thoughts jumbled without coherent trains. Not understood that dislike does not mean uncaring. Questions brushed off as ways to find weakness. Someone trusted betrayed in critical situations. You have always claimed to be an older brother and yet you overlooked such a confession. You swept it aside in four simple words: "it's just a drug." How often have these words rang through my head over the last 24 hours? More than I can count, more than you can imagine. Should it make you happy, I will say that she who knows all now repeated your meaning and did not take much concern to the matter, saying her other children had done far worse and have come out better for it. I say she doesn't know her child as she should. At least she appreciates the information and will hopefully keep a watch on her, and in her eyes, all are forgiven for having waited even these days to bring the matter to her. In her eyes and her eyes alone, I fear. I hold no anger to her lover, for he did tell me at the first chance he got. I have no anger for the distant friend, who's timing could not match mine. I hold no anger for the one I don't know, for he knows me not and vice versa. I hold anger for her. I hold anger for you. I can tell you this, as I have learned of myself, that the anger will slowly pass, yet I will always hold this in my heart and in the back of my mind. You failed her not as much as you failed me, and I hope things are as you say and she will be ok. For all your words that I am a drama queen, I say only this: There are two types of people in the world. Those who watch life as a show on tv and those who participate in ways to affect the storyline.
Disappointment took a new meaning. Loss of words to articulate myself is a feat not made easy. I'm tired- drained physically and mentally. A long rest has been overdue for which I have yet to grab and now have lost it for a phase. I miss my heart, who couldnt sleep while i was in turmoil and so finally closed his eyes in an hour that was too late and the day in which we were to be together has passed. His words kept me anchored and bayed the rising boils. A past resurfaced to keep me smiling for hours as the sun rose, distracting me from the mess at hand. A time-hardened friend with distant memories of de ja vu took me to a glorious view of twinkling city lights. Those that have been missing, those who have not been solid, those who have always been, were there in this long moment. Where were you? You say I freaked over something small, but perhaps I know her better than you, even if all that you have read in her heart has been more than she ever gave me. In my opinion, retreat to few comforts. Focus on work, read a book, stay in touch with those close to home and the one overseas. Rememer the intelligence I once knew and bring it back slowly. I have done what I can for her, and here this chapter ends. She is on her own, though I trust if these incidences reoccur, I will know of it. One of like upbringing said that it was my folly to have put so much faith into people and I say my folly is that I will not stop. But as I have said before, people may not earn my trust, but it can be lost.
Not much else to say, cept my heart yearns to be close and held tightly. Perhaps another day soon... thankfully I have a few friends who haven't yet failed me. Though I can't help but wonder if they will soon and I grow weary.
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 80% Stability |||||||||| 33% Orderliness |||||| 26% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||| 76% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||| 30% Mystical |||||||||||| 50% Artistic |||||||||||| 50% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 70% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43% Work ethic |||||||||||| 43% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant || 10% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63% Wealth |||||| 30% Dependency |||||||||||| 43% Change averse |||||| 30% Cautiousness |||||| 30% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||| 30% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Physical Fitness |||||| 24% Histrionic |||||| 30% Paranoia || 10% Vanity |||||| 23% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Female cliche |||| 16% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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Disappointment took a new meaning. Loss of words to articulate myself is a feat not made easy. I'm tired- drained physically and mentally. A long rest has been overdue for which I have yet to grab and now have lost it for a phase. I miss my heart, who couldnt sleep while i was in turmoil and so finally closed his eyes in an hour that was too late and the day in which we were to be together has passed. His words kept me anchored and bayed the rising boils. A past resurfaced to keep me smiling for hours as the sun rose, distracting me from the mess at hand. A time-hardened friend with distant memories of de ja vu took me to a glorious view of twinkling city lights. Those that have been missing, those who have not been solid, those who have always been, were there in this long moment. Where were you? You say I freaked over something small, but perhaps I know her better than you, even if all that you have read in her heart has been more than she ever gave me. In my opinion, retreat to few comforts. Focus on work, read a book, stay in touch with those close to home and the one overseas. Rememer the intelligence I once knew and bring it back slowly. I have done what I can for her, and here this chapter ends. She is on her own, though I trust if these incidences reoccur, I will know of it. One of like upbringing said that it was my folly to have put so much faith into people and I say my folly is that I will not stop. But as I have said before, people may not earn my trust, but it can be lost.
Not much else to say, cept my heart yearns to be close and held tightly. Perhaps another day soon... thankfully I have a few friends who haven't yet failed me. Though I can't help but wonder if they will soon and I grow weary.
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 80% Stability |||||||||| 33% Orderliness |||||| 26% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||| 76% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||| 30% Mystical |||||||||||| 50% Artistic |||||||||||| 50% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 70% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43% Work ethic |||||||||||| 43% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant || 10% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63% Wealth |||||| 30% Dependency |||||||||||| 43% Change averse |||||| 30% Cautiousness |||||| 30% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||| 30% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Physical Fitness |||||| 24% Histrionic |||||| 30% Paranoia || 10% Vanity |||||| 23% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Female cliche |||| 16% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com