from Jim oh wonderful Jim
anonymous
November 27 2004, 15:01:04 UTC
Dont be sarcastic with me please Kat, I've been in an emotional anguish the last couple of days about you. I've been wanting to call you and show u how much I care for u but I've taken a step back because I simply dont know where you are or who you are. Before you start being nasty to me, just stop and feel in your heart what my vibe is, and I am sure you will not be nasty. I didnt tell you I would stop caring, but the truth is that you're not my daughter or my sister and I dont know if I can or even should care for you more than you care for yourself...
You're free to hurt yourself, but why drag ur friends into it? Have you paused to think that maybe the reason Susi and Alkis behave this way to you is because they feel betrayed as friends? Alkis might seem like a 'i dont care about anything' kind of guy, but its not so (I know its not so)and Im sure that he feels the loss of the things he shared with u. Do you expect him to be happy that you chose to give in to these absurd demands and stop sharing with him the things which made you be friends? As for Susi, well, she's the one who has to actually live with you and be part of ur life whether she wants it or not and I believe that she feels uncomfortable about having over Antreas. Would you like her to have Alkis over if you knew that Alkis really hated you and wanted her to ignore you? Its not about the house or who comes to it or not. Its about being friends, and friends share things. They share love... happiness... yet also sorrow. If I were to be sad, I am sure you would be sad too. Dont expect us to be non-chalant about you deciding ur happy the one day and devastated the next. On Monday you turned to me out of the blue and said: I cant give you guys up. I felt special then. Now I feel given up... especially after your nasty words on this journal. T_T
Re: from Jim oh wonderful JimscornedvowNovember 27 2004, 16:55:59 UTC
I had written a really long reply. I was calm and not nasty. No sarcasm. And now I've deleted everything because I'm pissed off again. I felt that we had walked a few steps in meeting again on a bridge tonight, just to have jumped back to the cliff hanging on for life as a chasm yet again appeared.
Why the fuck am I fighting with my friends about my boyfriend?
In no way had I given you up, first off. In NO WAY. Yet you were angry and yelling at me from the moment I said I was back with him. You forced this, you chose this. I don't even understand where the fuck your "Now I feel given up" came from, but it certainly wasn't from me. Did I stop calling you? Did I stop caring about you? Did I say I was going to stop being friends with you? NO.
Who I am? I'm the same goddamn person inside that I've been for a long time now. You of all people shouldn't have seen a difference in me when thinking of our relationship. Yes, I do not recognize what I've become around ANTREAS, but around you I was still the same. And you don't know who I am. Yeah ok.
I won't even argue my points about Alkis and Susi cuz im too bored, too tired, too drained, and my only focus now is clearing up this damn mess with you.
I don't give a shit whether you care about my relationship with Antreas or not. It's whether you care about me or not. I do know that I won't be going to anyone anymore if I have any problems with Antreas. I also know that twice in the past has repeated once again. I open up completely, I feel so comfortable and then I get startled back to reality. I am stepping back a little and closing myself up a little again, reflex, defense, whatever you want to call it. I love you, I know you care about me, but this hurt. A helluva lot.
You're free to hurt yourself, but why drag ur friends into it? Have you paused to think that maybe the reason Susi and Alkis behave this way to you is because they feel betrayed as friends? Alkis might seem like a 'i dont care about anything' kind of guy, but its not so (I know its not so)and Im sure that he feels the loss of the things he shared with u. Do you expect him to be happy that you chose to give in to these absurd demands and stop sharing with him the things which made you be friends? As for Susi, well, she's the one who has to actually live with you and be part of ur life whether she wants it or not and I believe that she feels uncomfortable about having over Antreas. Would you like her to have Alkis over if you knew that Alkis really hated you and wanted her to ignore you? Its not about the house or who comes to it or not. Its about being friends, and friends share things. They share love... happiness... yet also sorrow. If I were to be sad, I am sure you would be sad too. Dont expect us to be non-chalant about you deciding ur happy the one day and devastated the next. On Monday you turned to me out of the blue and said: I cant give you guys up. I felt special then. Now I feel given up... especially after your nasty words on this journal. T_T
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Why the fuck am I fighting with my friends about my boyfriend?
In no way had I given you up, first off. In NO WAY. Yet you were angry and yelling at me from the moment I said I was back with him. You forced this, you chose this. I don't even understand where the fuck your "Now I feel given up" came from, but it certainly wasn't from me. Did I stop calling you? Did I stop caring about you? Did I say I was going to stop being friends with you? NO.
Who I am? I'm the same goddamn person inside that I've been for a long time now. You of all people shouldn't have seen a difference in me when thinking of our relationship. Yes, I do not recognize what I've become around ANTREAS, but around you I was still the same. And you don't know who I am. Yeah ok.
I won't even argue my points about Alkis and Susi cuz im too bored, too tired, too drained, and my only focus now is clearing up this damn mess with you.
I don't give a shit whether you care about my relationship with Antreas or not. It's whether you care about me or not. I do know that I won't be going to anyone anymore if I have any problems with Antreas. I also know that twice in the past has repeated once again. I open up completely, I feel so comfortable and then I get startled back to reality. I am stepping back a little and closing myself up a little again, reflex, defense, whatever you want to call it. I love you, I know you care about me, but this hurt. A helluva lot.
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