first therapist session
So i had therapy today...acutally wasnt as bad as i thought...the girlfriend came with me because well there wasnt anything for her to do at my house for however long the session went for cause she doesnt have a car right now and lives 45 minutes away from where i live. So her leaving was kinda impossible. Plus she was a good cocaptin when it came to acutally finding the place. First thing the therpist said whose name is laura was hello caiden...which really ive never heard other people than myself say it outloud or other people just saying ohhhh okay you wanna be called that but never using it. I filled out the paper work and my girl goes she didnt call you caitlin did she i was like nah and she just shook her head because like i said no one really uses it. I go in and she pretty much takes a few notes as we talk just to get a general idea and tells me that she has no problem when the time comes to write me whatever letters i need to top surgrey or T saying that i am sane and im not some mental patient who should be locked up which is great...now all i gotta do is figure out what she needs to write in those letters to make sure that they are right and would be useable for when i need them...if that makes any sense. She brought up my family and i could feel instantly my eyes start to burn from the tears filling them...i dont want to cry i didnt want too but i did. God i am a sissy boy...but i couldnt help it...in my eyes im the worlds biggest disappoinment to my family...i have 2 sisters and both of them are extremly girly, both were really good gorwing up when it came to school and friends and then there was me...id stick to myself casue none of the girls had cool dump trucks and the boys would never let me play kick ball cause "girls" cant play with them. I sucked at school hardcore and to top off my never ending tom phase which only got worse i told them i was gay. Now i was really fucking up the family. I couldnt help it...ive always felt that way...she asked when if ever i felt sudical and i told her before i came out as gay because i was increbly angry at myself for being about to ruin my family. she asked if i drank alot and i told her i used too...it for a while took away the shit i was putting myself through...but it got hard to drink all the time to function...so i stopped and now do it rarely and never get completely sloshed. Over all it went well...i almost backed out but brittany made me go..im glad i didnt. i have another appointment with her in 2 weeks...we both think i have alot of issues with and about my family i need to sort through but she calls me he and uses all the right pronouns she even asked if i woudl liek to try and have some mother son sessions with my mom...even though i know my mom would never go along with that she said when the time comes for it maybe she will call my mom for me and talk to her about it. But im glad i went...it might not be a bad thing...ive been struggling with this gender thing for years...and now having someone with a mdeical degree tell me im not mental or insane and is willing to help me with the neccessary steps then shit ill do what i jhave to do...these might be some good hoops im jumping thru
caiden
caiden