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So i guess things are starting to look up...i mean i do get out in 2 weeks so whats there to worry about right? Im in the process of getting my good friends therapist number so i can call her. Id much rather go to a therapist that someone i know recommends than just a random stranger....might sound weird but its how i feel. I met a bunch of new friends thanks to crook and her insistance that i stay over last monday night to hang out with her. Instead she got me completely wasted so i could relax. I owe her. I want to start to see the therapist so i can keep the ball rolling before i lose the mometum that ive picked up with my family. My parents after me sending them links to shows and articales on trans issues are more than fully aware that this isnt a phase and that i acutally am depressed over the issue and having to worry about losing my family. My older sister just moved out and in with her current b/f and their dog (my neice) and i was talking to her through AIM last night and the convo involved alot of trans stuff and it went decent we didnt fight i didnt feel like she was attacking me or only thinking of herself in the situation. My sisters tend to worry more on how people will view them for having a transgendered sibling versus what it is acutally doing to me. But she understands that it might take a little while to fully accepct me as her brother she will always love me as her sibling. Its all i can ask for right now. Seeing a therapist who can agree with me and maybe even reassure my family that i am sane...that i am trans might help my family along wit haccepting it and me as a male. My friends already have. I had a dream where someone asked me to list the names i go by so i did the list went as is: H, dirt, stuy/stewart, little boy blue, trigger, boobie, brother, caiden, and denny . Althougth no one has ever called me denny i dont have any idea where that came from. The only thing i can think of is because someone thought it was cool to shorten caiden to den and then onto denny. your guess is as good as mine
But my binder finally came in the mail...it works wonders let me tell you. ALthough sometimes i just cant wait to go home and take it off to go to bed or relax a little without it on...i love it. I struggle to get it on some mornings but i also struggle to get my contacts in on the first try too so it doesnt say much for me. But the second it is on i cant help but to smile at myself a little. I know in my heart i want to take T, its just going to take time and alot of patience on my part when it comes to my family. But im hoping i can at least take hte first step by pursueing a therapist.
Like i said school is almost done of me, tomorrow is the last day in lab to pratice for the final hands on test which i have in a week. Im hoping i can get a couple other guys in my lab class to work on the system i want to work on so if i have questions they are right there, and i can jot down notes to study from. I need to do well on it. Im also hoping i get extempted from the one class because taking the final would be pointless since we really didnt learn much...although i did learn stuff about contaminents and pollutes. And the design class i really dont care what i get in it as long as it is considered passing. Although the plumbing company i loved and wanted to work at again lead me on over hte summer and sent me a letter telling me they werent going to hire me. Which pissed my mom off and that made her go out and find me 75094230957049375 more jobs to apply for. Gee thanks mom. But she did find a really good state job at hte post office...now all i gotta do is pass their stupid memory exam and im good for interviews with them. Plus i have an interview with johnstone supply company...its a hvac/plumbing warehouse...id most likely be working in the warehouse.
Mom agreed well more so caved into letting me get a dog. Its gonna be a boston terrier named jasper i dont care if its a boy or a girl. She wont let me get a german shepard since ill be living at home for at least another year or so to save up more money to have a nice nice place to stay. But a boston terrier is still cute and its not in my eyes a sissy dog. Other than that the only new news is that i somehow was talked into joining a bowling league...oh joy. Oh and i talked to Sam (my ex taht ive been on and off with for 2.5 years) yeah umm we figured out as much as we care and love eachtoehr we arent right for eachother. Meaning we wont ever get back togeher and if we did it wouldnt be a healthy thing. I still love her to death and would/will do anyting for her and shes the same way with me we just arent right for eachtoehr.
Which means im single...any takers?