(no subject)
"Oh haven't you heard? Holly solves all the world's problems."
I'm sick and tired of caring about my friends, trying to help my friends, listening to my friends, doing little things to make my friend's lives easier, cheering my friends up and smiling at my friends as though none of us has insults lurking behind our lips. I'm tired of the people I'm most loyal to in my life making me feel like I'm a completely horrible person because I'm sarcastic. I'm not allowed to dwell on little points of politeness that would drive anyone of them to the point of being neurotic. So they don't call me to hang out anymore and then ignore me when I'm around because I look "morose." I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "That's a pretty big word for a college drop-out." I feel like I'm stuck between Sarah and Emmalee. Sometimes, one of them is a better friend than the other...Then there are times when I can't stand neither of them. Everyday I see them become more and more alike. At the moment, I really don't want to live with Emmalee next year. She's a self-absorbed drama queen who's on the edge of a downward spiral and doesn't even recognize it. She probably thinks I'm a self-important, self-righteous bitch. I realize that part of being a friend is being supportive, but I can only listen to so many grand plans for second, third, fourth even fifth chances that I know will never come about because of laziness, stupidity and addiction. I'm not sorry that the novelty of smoking pot all day and night has worn off for me. If Curt wants to do coke, that's his decision. But he shouldn't expect me to listen and nod and understand when he explains that he just needs something different once a year. He'll never get away and go to school. He's left college three times for addiction reasons. He's never going to leave. Tyrell wants to be this actor but all he does is work and smoke pot. They're so pathetic and stupid I just want to beath them and yell "Wake the fuck up! Get the fuck out of here!" They surround themselves with the same depressing people. Different crowd, same situation. I don't think Tyrell even realizes how depressed he is. I don't think any of us ever really do.
I'm sick and tired of caring about my friends, trying to help my friends, listening to my friends, doing little things to make my friend's lives easier, cheering my friends up and smiling at my friends as though none of us has insults lurking behind our lips. I'm tired of the people I'm most loyal to in my life making me feel like I'm a completely horrible person because I'm sarcastic. I'm not allowed to dwell on little points of politeness that would drive anyone of them to the point of being neurotic. So they don't call me to hang out anymore and then ignore me when I'm around because I look "morose." I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "That's a pretty big word for a college drop-out." I feel like I'm stuck between Sarah and Emmalee. Sometimes, one of them is a better friend than the other...Then there are times when I can't stand neither of them. Everyday I see them become more and more alike. At the moment, I really don't want to live with Emmalee next year. She's a self-absorbed drama queen who's on the edge of a downward spiral and doesn't even recognize it. She probably thinks I'm a self-important, self-righteous bitch. I realize that part of being a friend is being supportive, but I can only listen to so many grand plans for second, third, fourth even fifth chances that I know will never come about because of laziness, stupidity and addiction. I'm not sorry that the novelty of smoking pot all day and night has worn off for me. If Curt wants to do coke, that's his decision. But he shouldn't expect me to listen and nod and understand when he explains that he just needs something different once a year. He'll never get away and go to school. He's left college three times for addiction reasons. He's never going to leave. Tyrell wants to be this actor but all he does is work and smoke pot. They're so pathetic and stupid I just want to beath them and yell "Wake the fuck up! Get the fuck out of here!" They surround themselves with the same depressing people. Different crowd, same situation. I don't think Tyrell even realizes how depressed he is. I don't think any of us ever really do.