Just Next Door
Does anyone really know what it's like to have what you want right next door but infinitely out of reach? I do. I have for years. I have been longing for this for a long time. So long in fact I almost forgot. But every time I'm alone. Every time I'm left with just my own thoughts. No distractions, no one else but myself. The dull ache, a pain in my chest that is a constant reminder of what I've lost. What I'll probably never regain. But then there are glimmers. Shiny examples of possibilities. Possibilities that I'll never believe. I've convinced myself not to believe. The idea that things can progress, can get better ... is foreign. After all this time, nothing has changed. I'd almost gotten past it. I'd thought but for a moment that I was through. That single moment was agony. Pure and total chaos that brought forth all of the regret and pain that I'd experienced. Those feelings that just wont go away. I've missed that part. I'd almost forgotten that part. I thought I had put it aside forever, but was mistaken. The part that is necessary to make a whole. The part of me that is missing, just out of reach, just next door.