(no subject)
realizations of generalizations
I've changed alot. I'm becoming very quiet. A silent rock. Wiser perhaps? I'm not sure, nor do I care. I see myself being the person who will do a good deed and then walk off without waiting for even acknoledgement. Certain people may think that this is special treatment I reserve for only them. If I do such things selectively, it is for the people that I care about. I'm not bragging about these qualities, I do not even know if people would find them admirable or just plain anoyying. I never asked for this personality but it keeps fading in and out, it's a part of me that will always be here. I find that I'm returning to a previous self, but a more mature and experienced version of that self. When I was younger I was the comfort point, the anchor of the group. The group being very different from who it is now. Still people have problems, the old group and the new. Not that it matters, everyone does, life is far from perfect.
People talk about each other. Good things and bad things, more often than not the latter. It's a fact of life. I've never met a group of people who don't. I hate it, but doesn't mostly everyone? Unfortunately, I get an inside look at this constantly. I find myself in the middle, the comfort to both sides and the listener. I try my hardest not to participate in speaking ill of another person in these situations. There are occasions where I cannot help myself, an invisible peer pressure that I don't realize I'm succombing to. I'm starting to believe it's human nature, or maybe the human desire for drama. Because that is what it is, a drive or a craving for drama and excitement. Or maybe not excitement so much as the need to put other's down to make yourself look better. But it doesn't make you feel any better, it never will. But then why do people keep trying, believe that someday it'll work and they'll feel better. I've found that now, that I am the listener moreso than I've ever been, I feel better about myself than I have ina long time. Being the silent observer, the person slightly outside of the group, but at the center all at once. This could just be my own self centered perception, but I do believe it is true. I am at the center of so many issues, I have the power to change so many things, but I fail to exercise it. I do not feel it is my place nor right, to change thing so drasticly. Or maybe this is me lying to myself and I'm really just afraid.
I do not know why people are so trusting of others. I say this because that is what you're doing when you talk behind someone's back, trusting the person you're talking to. Anyone who associates with any group of people for any length of time will know that everyone talks about the person who's abscent. Logicly you should know that when you're the abscent person, you're the subject of the conversation. It sickens me.
I observe these conversations. They interests me. You can learn alot about people by what they notice in others. How they feel about situations, and how much of those feelings they feel comfortable sharing. I've always been the type who observes. I take everything in, process it. I use it all as experience.
The one I find the hardest to figure out, is myself. I think it's because it is very easy to lie to one's self.
I've changed alot. I'm becoming very quiet. A silent rock. Wiser perhaps? I'm not sure, nor do I care. I see myself being the person who will do a good deed and then walk off without waiting for even acknoledgement. Certain people may think that this is special treatment I reserve for only them. If I do such things selectively, it is for the people that I care about. I'm not bragging about these qualities, I do not even know if people would find them admirable or just plain anoyying. I never asked for this personality but it keeps fading in and out, it's a part of me that will always be here. I find that I'm returning to a previous self, but a more mature and experienced version of that self. When I was younger I was the comfort point, the anchor of the group. The group being very different from who it is now. Still people have problems, the old group and the new. Not that it matters, everyone does, life is far from perfect.
People talk about each other. Good things and bad things, more often than not the latter. It's a fact of life. I've never met a group of people who don't. I hate it, but doesn't mostly everyone? Unfortunately, I get an inside look at this constantly. I find myself in the middle, the comfort to both sides and the listener. I try my hardest not to participate in speaking ill of another person in these situations. There are occasions where I cannot help myself, an invisible peer pressure that I don't realize I'm succombing to. I'm starting to believe it's human nature, or maybe the human desire for drama. Because that is what it is, a drive or a craving for drama and excitement. Or maybe not excitement so much as the need to put other's down to make yourself look better. But it doesn't make you feel any better, it never will. But then why do people keep trying, believe that someday it'll work and they'll feel better. I've found that now, that I am the listener moreso than I've ever been, I feel better about myself than I have ina long time. Being the silent observer, the person slightly outside of the group, but at the center all at once. This could just be my own self centered perception, but I do believe it is true. I am at the center of so many issues, I have the power to change so many things, but I fail to exercise it. I do not feel it is my place nor right, to change thing so drasticly. Or maybe this is me lying to myself and I'm really just afraid.
I do not know why people are so trusting of others. I say this because that is what you're doing when you talk behind someone's back, trusting the person you're talking to. Anyone who associates with any group of people for any length of time will know that everyone talks about the person who's abscent. Logicly you should know that when you're the abscent person, you're the subject of the conversation. It sickens me.
I observe these conversations. They interests me. You can learn alot about people by what they notice in others. How they feel about situations, and how much of those feelings they feel comfortable sharing. I've always been the type who observes. I take everything in, process it. I use it all as experience.
The one I find the hardest to figure out, is myself. I think it's because it is very easy to lie to one's self.