Logically speaking
I was talking with my therapist today, and we were discussing some of the ways that my father's behavior was not logical. That gave me great pause. While I have to admit that many of my interactions with my father don't go like I want them to, i always seem to be able to predict many of his reactions. And, if not, I can understand them in context later on. So, in order for me to do that, they would have to have some logic behind them.
And then the mathematician inside spoke up. A 'logical system' is a set of axioms and a system of rules which you can apply to those axioms to reach new conclusions. So if I find my dad to be "logical", then I must share a large number of axioms with him, along with a number of the same production rules. And yet I also think that, in retrospect, many of the things I experienced were not 'normal'. The conclusion, therefore, is that my definition of "normal' does not mesh with my internal logical system.
Or, more correctly, my current logical system has changed in many ways from that which i used to have. I am no longer seeing my parent's behavior as logical. Yet I can swap back to the old system if I need to understand them. But i think there are many fundamental flaws with the original system I learned from them.
So my current goal is to figure out which axioms i am holding on to simply to be able to navigate the waters with my parents, and to let them go. And i think much of the problem I have in dealing with them is that, in order to do so, i have to adopt the old axiomatic system, which i know is wrong. That's the system that tells me I'm useless, and that "If I had a brain i'd be dangerous", and that I'm weak. So in order to talk to them, I end up, to some degree, swapping my brain back into some of that mode.
Not that those things don't happen at other times, but they are worse when i deal with my parents. I think that if i can identify the faulty axioms and give them a name, I can possibly shift my mindset. If I can consciously think *"I am talking to my parents, so all my thoughts are now illogical", then i can probably not get so riled up. Now, i don't like the idea that i need to not be myself to talk to anybody, but I think that's where things sit with my dad. Sad but true.
This is just another way of saying the standard 'if you change your world view, the world changes", but one that appeals to the logician within. And who knows. Sometimes you can try an unreasonable axiom and discover a new branch of math. If I'm aware I'm changing axioms, then maybe I'll learn something new before I return to the real world.
And then the mathematician inside spoke up. A 'logical system' is a set of axioms and a system of rules which you can apply to those axioms to reach new conclusions. So if I find my dad to be "logical", then I must share a large number of axioms with him, along with a number of the same production rules. And yet I also think that, in retrospect, many of the things I experienced were not 'normal'. The conclusion, therefore, is that my definition of "normal' does not mesh with my internal logical system.
Or, more correctly, my current logical system has changed in many ways from that which i used to have. I am no longer seeing my parent's behavior as logical. Yet I can swap back to the old system if I need to understand them. But i think there are many fundamental flaws with the original system I learned from them.
So my current goal is to figure out which axioms i am holding on to simply to be able to navigate the waters with my parents, and to let them go. And i think much of the problem I have in dealing with them is that, in order to do so, i have to adopt the old axiomatic system, which i know is wrong. That's the system that tells me I'm useless, and that "If I had a brain i'd be dangerous", and that I'm weak. So in order to talk to them, I end up, to some degree, swapping my brain back into some of that mode.
Not that those things don't happen at other times, but they are worse when i deal with my parents. I think that if i can identify the faulty axioms and give them a name, I can possibly shift my mindset. If I can consciously think *"I am talking to my parents, so all my thoughts are now illogical", then i can probably not get so riled up. Now, i don't like the idea that i need to not be myself to talk to anybody, but I think that's where things sit with my dad. Sad but true.
This is just another way of saying the standard 'if you change your world view, the world changes", but one that appeals to the logician within. And who knows. Sometimes you can try an unreasonable axiom and discover a new branch of math. If I'm aware I'm changing axioms, then maybe I'll learn something new before I return to the real world.