[ Open Headquarters Log ]

[heartbetween]

Who: Kaien Shiba heartbetween and OPEN TO ANYONE!
When: Backdated like crazy to the beginning of the zombie infestation
Where: Patrol Headquarters
Format: Action, prose, whatever floats your boat.
What: Open headquarters log! Feel free to mingle/bicker/whathaveyou <3
Warnings: Will add as necessary

Comments

[firebornfidelis]

Riza hadn't left her apartment in... days. Not since that night. Something about going beyond the door had terrified her, as if by exiting the isolation of her dark little spaces she would be forced to accept a reality that had quite literally come from her worst nightmares.

But reality had its ways of forcing itself upon the unwilling, and the videos on the Forge of walking corpses had made Riza sick with terror. She knew she should be out on the streets destroying them with the rest of the Patrol, and if these were normal circumstances she would have been. But something about them unsettled her beyond fear. Something familiar. They were like those one eyed dolls she had fought in the underground, so long ago now. A lifetime.

But then, the last few days had been eternities, so her concept of time was a little skewed.

She couldn't go out into the streets. A screaming in the pit of her stomach told her that it was impossible. But she had to leave her room and try to do something useful or she would lose her mind. So, cautiously, she made her way down the stairs and stepped out into the grand hall, attempting to blend into the wall as she went.

[ooc: you don't have to reply in prose, I just had to use it for this OBSCENELY LONG SETUP, cuz I fail at writing anything short apparently]

[pandamaiden]

When Scar had dropped her off, she wanted to argue. Despite her fear, despite the way the air felt every time she allowed her mind to wander, she wanted to help. She wanted to protect him because everyone knew Scar was reckless and could very well get hurt, even if there were a lot of people out there helping.

But Mei also understood that she'd never fought anything like that and that, as one of the clinic workers, she was needed here. Even if they were just scrapped knees, bruises or whatever people came in with after they fought their way here. It wasn't easy getting them to let her help, but kids were, sometimes, more receptive of kids, especially little girls who thought little pandas were cute.

Mei smiled down after patching up a scratched up palm of a little girl who'd fallen on her way here and turned to see if there was anyone else who needed help. It was almost possible to miss Riza, if she hadn't been looking for people she knew. Right now, in this place, it was good for her, she thought. She had seemed so... upset? No, there wasn't a word for it. But she couldn't let her be, not now.

"Riza-san! You were already here?" She greeted with a tiny smile.

[firebornfidelis]

After so much time alone with her grief, with only Hayate and sometimes Utena as companions, the activity of headquarters was a little overwhelming. She pushed all of this strange nervousness down - she had never been a nervous person, and this feeling was beginning to annoy her - and moved along the perimeter of the room until Mei found her.

Riza blinked at the little girl for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to her at first.

"Yes," she answered slowly. "I live here." She glanced from the girl to her little panda and offered a very wan smile in an effort to assuage the questions and concern she felt were inevitable.

[pandamaiden]

"Oh, I see..." That was a pretty good idea. Though, she'd never actually come here before, so she hadn't expected people to actually stay here. She wasn't sure what she expected, maybe some really advanced rooms full of strange machines and loud beeps and lots of blinking lights of so many colors it was impossible to name them all, but people living in those rooms were just as good.

Mei returned that smile, forcing a bit of extra cheer into it. Riza had been... quiet. Not that she really spoke all that much the times they associated, but she seemed to withdraw even more, and while Mei didn't exactly understand (she knew death, knew the pain that came with it and the fact that it was still new), she knew that Riza had to be facing something that needed that bit of help to bring her out. If she couldn't do anything outside of these walls, she would do whatever she could within them. First target: Riza Hawkeye.

"You are doing all right?" It seemed awkward to her the moment she said it, but Mei paid little attention to it. Xiao-Mei sat as comfortably as she could on her typical perch, shivering what Mei refused to allow show. "You probably came down to help outside. Maybe you should stay in. I could use some help."

[firebornfidelis]

Riza pressed her lips into a thin line at the question of how she was doing. She didn;t like to be asked it because it asked her to consider how she was doing and that was something she was trying to avoid. So she had no real answer to that, and particularly not one she wanted to give the little girl. She took a breath at the suggestion of going outside, trying not to glance over her shoulder.

"Could you?" she asked. Whether Mei knew it or not, occupation was exactly what she was looking for in coming down the stairs in the first place. What she wanted was to feel useful and be distracted. "I'd be glad to help you if you need."

prose is not my friend, atm. ;_;

[sandrocker]

Miss Hawkeye?

[Quatre stands some distance away from her, concerned but willing to leave if she needs more time alone. He wants to intrude, really and make sure she is alright and happy again... But he knows better and that only time can really help. His clothes are bloody, too, and he realizes it may not be a fantastic reminder to what has happened.]

no worries!

[firebornfidelis]

[She pauses, a little surprised to be addressed. She turns and spots him. She eyes his clothes a little nervously, memory flickering behind her eyes, but squashes the feeling down and looks at his face.]

Quatre. Hello.

<3

[sandrocker]

[He pauses, noticing her reaction.]

How are you doing?

this is before he gets Lucrezia, right?

[firebornfidelis]

[She hesitates, her fists involuntarily tightening at her sides as she tries desperately to control her reactions. Terribly is the only honest answer she can give to that question, irrational fear and anger and unbearable sadness passing over her in waves, unpredictable, all the time.

But she manages to keep most of it out of her face, standing straight and not allowing her head to bow or look away.]

I'm fine.

[It's a lie, but she has no other answer she is willing to give. Her eyes flick over him again - oh, the blood - and she shores herself up. She has to start facing thing, now.]

What is the situation outside?

yes!

[sandrocker]

[There is another pause, and then, Quatre takes off his jacket and sets it in a chair, out of her sight. He almost takes off his scarf, too, but it isn't bloody and his neck would feel strange without it.]

Controlled, for the most part. Civilians are safe now.

[Quatre breathes deeply. Riza's pain is suffocating, and he feels like he's laying at the bottom of an ocean.]

k, good to know!

[firebornfidelis]

[The muscles in her hands relax somewhat when the coat is put out of sight. She hates how weak she feels right now, how her fear cripples her, how her grief traps her, but she can't seem to force herself through it.]

Oh. Good. I'm glad.

[His response makes her feel a little less guilty for being unable to help.]

[She notices when he breathes in, he seems... uncomfortable. She takes a step closer, allowing concern for the boy to distract her from herself for a moment.]

Are you all right?

[sandrocker]

[Quatre smiles, reassuring. It feels tight, but the smile isn't quite that obvious; he is becoming comfortable with the pain of his empathy. Or well, he has an easier time hiding it now.]

Just a little tired.

[firebornfidelis]

Oh.

[She nods a little and stands still, not sure what to do. She contemplates retreat, not for the first time since coming down here. Going back and hiding in her room would be easier, she could stop trying to put on this mask of a calm she doesn't feel. Could stop pretending she doesn't feel as if she's slowly drowning.

But, no. She has to force herself beyond this, regain some strength, or she'll never be able to leave this building, much less go back into the ruins as she plans.]

Can I do anything for you? I can arrange a room for you, if you need to rest.

[sandrocker]

No, I'm alright. I plan to go out again soon, anyway.

[Zombies are far easier than Riza's pain, but the thought disappoints him. He would rather do what's easy than help her?]

[firebornfidelis]

All right.

[She hesitates, standing there with feet unwilling to move. He's going out again, this boy, but she has barely been able to muster the courage to leave her room. It's pathetic. It makes her hate herself so much that she can almost taste it, like bitter bile in her mouth. She glances away, hiding her eyes behind her bangs as her fingers curl in again, trembling almost imperceptibly with anger, her nails cutting familiar grooves into her palms.

After a moment, she raises her head and looks at him, the mask restored.]

Let me know if you need anything while you're here.

[She turns and begins to move away, to find some way to be of use here because she feels so completely useless.]

[sandrocker]

[Quatre watches, unsure of what to do. It's so difficult, and he knows but not really because he isn't her, just feeling everything that is her, and when his father died... He was so different.

He almost lets her walk away like that.]

Miss Hawkeye!

[A pause.]

You're a strong person; I hope you know that.