[Closed] Whenever I get this way I just don't know what to say

[eternalscorpion]

Who: Sasori (eternalscorpion ) and Deidara (transient_art )
When: Nighttime, after this exchange
Where: Sasori's apartment
Format: Paragraph
What: Sasori and Deidara calmly discuss their interpersonal issues
Warnings: Language, violence

Comments

[transient_art]

Sasori presented a fundamental problem for Deidara. First of all, he had to face the fact that Sasori wasn't quite like his other connections. This was starting to be really bothersome, but he couldn't even bring himself to think about walking away for good. He hated chains around his neck, and connections that couldn't be severed without being paralyzed were just that.

He had been forced to let Sasori go once already. There wouldn't be a second time.

Now, it was right there, on the fucking display: Deidara had something more than transient in his life. Yeah, irony of it was simply said filthy rich.

But that wasn't enough, was it? It had been easy if it had stopped there. But unfortunately the latest discoveries had made Deidara realize quite a few things about himself and Sasori as well. It was strange, to look at the redhead and see something else than a living weapon, and know that when Sasori looked back at him, he saw something else than just the annoying brat that had once screamed snotty-nosed inside Hiruko until passing out from exhaustion. Seeing someone potentially tempting in physical sense. In truth, it felt perverse, a little twisted, like wanting to bang his own father. But at the same time, on the flip-side of the coin, it felt so right, perfect. Deidara cared little about perversion, he didn't give a shit what other people would think and what the world in general would think. Those were thoughts he discarded already a lifetime ago.

It would have been enough with only this. He'd have had a head full of confusing thoughts to last him a year or two. But no, it had to be even more complicated than that.

Sasori already had done it all with another Deidara. One that wasn't here. Wouldn't he have wanted that Deidara to pop up? Naturally he had wanted that. It was more than obvious. Now he was stuck with this one. One who wouldn't want to be a substitute at all. It wasn't as simple as feeling jealousy towards himself, but knowing he could never be what Sasori had wanted.

Yet, Deidara knew Sasori, and trusted him implicitly. He knew Sasori wouldn't use him and probably felt just as greatly divided as Deidara did, if not more.

All of that, all of it, had begun to blur into a great mass of anxiety toward the end of this week. Deidara had worked his ass off, from morning to late night, physically hard work, exhausting himself so he wouldn't have to dread going back to the apartment and possibly seeing Sasori for a moment there, not knowing what to say and what to do. He stole Sasori's cigarettes, because the smell calmed him, but was out of the apartment before the older shinobi even woke up.

On the positive end of the deal, he had managed to gather money for rent, and some extra even, and find himself an interesting and solid job.

Even that didn't save his mood for tonight, however. Somewhere deep within his mind, a weak voice was telling him that Sasori would not like this version of himself any more if he'd make everything so fucking difficult. But he didn't bother to listen, not even the other voice, who seemed convinced that if Danna had a choice in the matter, surely he would... Whatever, whatever, whatever!

He felt as crooked as the angle of his approach, running down the wall of one of the skyscrapers, diagonally screaming down to the last corner, hands connecting with the edge of the building, knees bending before a leap took him, chakra push propelling him to the air and smacking him like a cat on on fours against the wall of the next building. His building. Their building.

He crouched to the window sill to undo a few traps before slipping in silently. He could see Sasori pacing, had seen him through the window already, and for a moment, something like guilt clenched within his stomach. He hadn't meant to cause so much... grief?

The bathroom was on the other side of the apartment. And Deidara would have to get through Sasori. He started walking, aiming for a bath before anything else.