[Private // Video]sakurabitoNovember 21 2011, 05:59:32 UTC
[ Bonds, themselves, are ephemeral. Regardless of how strong they may seem, how influential they are, they all fade one day. They all break. Such is the curse for allowing that thin thread to wrap around a finger or connect with a heartstring. And more importantly, there is always something to lose when a bond forms and never is it a feeling one wants to feel.
When did his bond with Rukia extend beyond 'obligation'? When did he start to worry that he might lose her? Maybe it was 'always', only he never recognized it for what it was because he had been so wrapped up in the loss of another that he refused to see beyond her, beyond this duty he had been left with. That ceased to matter now. When or why, or even the how were all pointless questions. All that mattered... ]
... Rukia.
[ Such strength. She and her sister were not so unlike each other and it was not about appearance. They had both found a way to tear at his walls, in different ways, to make him question the things he had always been taught were right.
He cannot look away. A promise like that... but she doesn't understand. ]
I cannot be the brother that you deserve.
[ He cannot change. He will not change. He will always be distant. He will always be cold. He will always be that stone that's driven her, them, to this very point. He will always be Kuchiki-taichou. He will always be the Head of the Kuchiki Clan. The person that he is, the brother that he should be, will never be what she needs, what she deserves. ]
[Private // Video]sakurabitoNovember 22 2011, 08:10:16 UTC
[ It's slight, the surprise in his eyes. He knew it and yet... it is much more shocking to hear than it is to imagine it. That she is so persistent, so strong in her belief is reassuring. Is that not what he wanted? Did he not want her to stay, to still be his sister in something other than legality? It is more than he could ask for, more than he thinks he could have hoped for. How long had he forced her to live in his shadow? He had done so much to keep her locked away, safe in that cage... and the few times he could remember doing something unselfish had been done out of instinct. He was the only one fast enough to catch that blade for her. He was the only one who could look the other way as Rukia and Renji left to help that Orihime girl. Those things were not out of any well-thought out plan. He simply knew that they had to be done.
'Be the brother that you are.'
But he is not a brother. The things that he is are the things that he was taught. Things he could learn. It is a lot harder being a brother than anyone can imagine. He knows he does not have it right. How is he supposed to react when he sees her off kissing boys or if she puts herself in danger?
Maybe there's a book in the library. ]
You ask so little.
[ She's not asking him to be perfect. She's not pleasing with him to do something. There's not great quest or foe in his path, aside from himself. It is a strange feeling to hear the expectations are so low. ]
[Private // Video]sakurabitoNovember 23 2011, 06:57:38 UTC
Do not say such things.
[ Firm. Never would he believe she was at fault, that she was anything besides the sister she had always been, that she could always be. His worries and concerns were borne of himself, of his fears and misgivings. And he came to realize, slowly, that every time he tried to hold on tighter, the more locks he put on that cage, the more she backed away. One day, she would resent him and that thought was far more frightening than losing her.
It was his fault and Byakuya always took responsibility for his actions. Even if it took a little while for him to own up to it. ]
You have done all that you need.
[ He should have trusted her more. ]
It is I who must make ammends. I will make time to help you with your kidou, to begin.
[Private // Video]sakurabitoNovember 24 2011, 05:37:41 UTC
[ She's proven all that she could ever possibly prove to him. He's known for so long that she's stronger than he's given her credit for, that she deserves far more than the unranked position he's forced her to hold on to. And hasn't she just proven, now, that the fear inside him of losing her, of losing her to someone else, was almost as irrational as someone with the fear of clouds?
Helping her with her kidou is not for her to prove her talent. It's a less awkward way for him to spend time with her, make her stronger for Anatole's harsh conditions.
It's what he tried to give to Hisana when she asked him to teach her to defend herself and this is what he should give to her as well. He won't always be there... ]
Let me know when you are free. I will arrange my schedule for you.
[ And she is right about one thing. Even though she is his sister, he will not relent. She'll be as good as he is before he's done with her. ]
[Private // Video]sakurabitoNovember 27 2011, 04:19:45 UTC
[ It'll take a little doing, but it isn't nearly as bad as it looks. He can make this work. ]
Perhaps next week. I have yet to settle back into the office. I will inform you of a proper time.
[ This would be one of those times deserving of a smile or some nice, reassuring words. Something other than a nod and dismissal. Unfortunately, Kuchikis aren't trained in the art of love and kindness. ]
When did his bond with Rukia extend beyond 'obligation'? When did he start to worry that he might lose her? Maybe it was 'always', only he never recognized it for what it was because he had been so wrapped up in the loss of another that he refused to see beyond her, beyond this duty he had been left with. That ceased to matter now. When or why, or even the how were all pointless questions. All that mattered... ]
... Rukia.
[ Such strength. She and her sister were not so unlike each other and it was not about appearance. They had both found a way to tear at his walls, in different ways, to make him question the things he had always been taught were right.
He cannot look away. A promise like that... but she doesn't understand. ]
I cannot be the brother that you deserve.
[ He cannot change. He will not change. He will always be distant. He will always be cold. He will always be that stone that's driven her, them, to this very point. He will always be Kuchiki-taichou. He will always be the Head of the Kuchiki Clan. The person that he is, the brother that he should be, will never be what she needs, what she deserves. ]
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(The comment has been removed)
'Be the brother that you are.'
But he is not a brother. The things that he is are the things that he was taught. Things he could learn. It is a lot harder being a brother than anyone can imagine. He knows he does not have it right. How is he supposed to react when he sees her off kissing boys or if she puts herself in danger?
Maybe there's a book in the library. ]
You ask so little.
[ She's not asking him to be perfect. She's not pleasing with him to do something. There's not great quest or foe in his path, aside from himself. It is a strange feeling to hear the expectations are so low. ]
That is all you wish?
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
[ Firm. Never would he believe she was at fault, that she was anything besides the sister she had always been, that she could always be. His worries and concerns were borne of himself, of his fears and misgivings. And he came to realize, slowly, that every time he tried to hold on tighter, the more locks he put on that cage, the more she backed away. One day, she would resent him and that thought was far more frightening than losing her.
It was his fault and Byakuya always took responsibility for his actions. Even if it took a little while for him to own up to it. ]
You have done all that you need.
[ He should have trusted her more. ]
It is I who must make ammends. I will make time to help you with your kidou, to begin.
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Helping her with her kidou is not for her to prove her talent. It's a less awkward way for him to spend time with her, make her stronger for Anatole's harsh conditions.
It's what he tried to give to Hisana when she asked him to teach her to defend herself and this is what he should give to her as well. He won't always be there... ]
Let me know when you are free. I will arrange my schedule for you.
[ And she is right about one thing. Even though she is his sister, he will not relent. She'll be as good as he is before he's done with her. ]
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Perhaps next week. I have yet to settle back into the office. I will inform you of a proper time.
[ This would be one of those times deserving of a smile or some nice, reassuring words. Something other than a nod and dismissal. Unfortunately, Kuchikis aren't trained in the art of love and kindness. ]
It is nothing, Rukia.
[ ... ]
Do not let me keep you.
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