[Broadcast Mind - (mostly) voice]

[hirac_utzum]

[It edges into his mind once again, that conversation from so long ago. He thinks, at least, it is fortunate that not all of it had been shown here, where Aximili could witness it.

But then that feeling of unease is upon him again, as the memory becomes too sharp, too clear once again.

No, no, please don't let him see--]"What do you want from me

Comments

[video]

[hirac_utzum]

'Okay' has... multiple meanings. But in some senses of the word, yes, you could say I am okay.

[But in other senses? No, not at all. Which is probably obvious from the strain in his voice.]

[video | private]

[hirac_utzum]

[His immediate inclination is to say no, but he stops himself. Because, in all honesty, he does. Mostly just to make it so that this is not just trapped in his own head, rattling against his skull in an unending echo of guilt and shame.

And it is not at though he can talk to his brother about this, although he is aware that it will be unavoidable to talk about it if--when Aximili has seen it.]

The problem is that my brother is here, and will almost certainly see this for himself, and I... I do not want him to know how reliant he was on me for that decision to return to the war, just to exist. No one should have to know the extent of their own fragility in the hands of others.

[video]

[moarnomsplz]

[Ax does not know what to think. He could not possibly forget the first part of this story, and now, finding out (feeling) the rest, he is more confused than before.

I would not have existed without the Ellimist's interference... and I am part of the reason my brother could not have the life he chose.

He would certainly never wish he did not exist, but learning he only does because of part of his brother's life being undone...

It is not Elfangor's fault, but even though Ax does not understand his brother sometimes, or how he allows his emotions to rule him in a way that Ax never could, he understands enough to know Elfangor surely feels guilty about this.

And, embarrassing but present, there is disbelief, and a small, shameful flicker of pride over the idea that he is important enough, will be important enough, to warrant such disruption. But to have done it in such a way, letting Elfangor have a life, only to steal it away from him, so that the Ellimist could have both Ax and Tobias to treat as his playthings later, it was wrong.