12th Profile [Broadcast Mind]
You know it was stupid, that you should have at least stopped for a second and thought before entering the house. What's the point of having a big brain if you don't use it after all?
Still, while you won't admit to it, you're glad Morgan stuck around. Even if... even if something happens, and even though you have walls between you, you know you weren't alone. You're glad that Garcia was able to let your record that message for your mother... just in case.
You wish you could be as optimistic as she is.
The same with Dr. Kimura. You feel bad about snapping at her over the use of narcotics, but you refuse to go down that path again, not after making as many strides and gains as you have. If you accept them, even under pain, it's like giving up. The potential to head back down that slippery slope is just as frightening as what's going on right now.
Part of you wishes that you had met under different circumstances, because she's interesting and you'd love to pick at her brain sometime, but even you understand that attempting to find a cure to a deadly strain of a biological weapon is not a good time to be doing it.
Even when you're dying.
It doesn't hit you until they're hosing you down, when Dr. Kimura asks about the cut on your hand. Broken skin plus a biological agent equals a quicker exposure time.
It feels as if there's something in your lungs. Fluid or something, and when you cough, it feels wet. Some part of you realizes with detachment that it's a good chance that's blood coating your lips. When you try to ask, the words don't get past your tongue, they're jumbled and not what you meant to say and when you lock eyes with Dr. Kimura, you both realize what this means.
Aphasia. The inability to form words properly.
The last thought before you succumb to the pain in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm glad that I got to leave that message for mom.'
"Hi, Mom, this is Spencer. Just... um... just really want you to know that I love you and... [voice catches, coughs, cleans thoat]... I need you to know that I spend every day of my life proud to be your son."
[To get an idea of what Reid's dreaming about, here's that actual plot line of that episode shortened to ten minutes]