98. [ Voice ]

[yetsleeping]

...Anatole?

If you could be stronger, or weaker than you are... I mean in terms of power, not in terms of will or spirit... would you change yourself?

...and in which direction?

[Short and sweet, for once.]

Comments

voice;

[theotokos]

I don't understand; what brought this up?

voice;

[yetsleeping]

Um. A lot of things, really...

I don't know. If I told you, I might sound whiny.

Or... frightening.

voice;

[theotokos]

It's better to sound whiny than to bottle it up.

voice;

[yetsleeping]

Is it really? I don't know.

voice;

[theotokos]

What do you mean you don't know?

Re: voice;

[yetsleeping]

Well... Bottling things up has its place. And um. Its purpose. It keeps me from spilling all over-- I think maybe I've lost track of this metaphor.

voice;

[theotokos]

Are you sure you're alright?

voice;

[yetsleeping]

[A little pause. She bites on her bottom lip and rubs her face.]

I guess that depends on what you mean by okay. I wouldn't say I'm in any danger.

At least... no more than usual.

voice;

[theotokos]

I think you know what I mean. But I won't push it.

Re: voice;

[yetsleeping]

I...

[And then... private]

It's just that sometimes I wonder if my life would be less problematic if I were less... powerful. People treat me strangely because of it. They betray me. Then... treat me like a thing instead of a person and insult me when I complain about it and their justification is that I'm dangerous because I'm powerful but that doesn't make any sense because it just makes me angry and that makes me more dangerous.

It's... infuriating.

voice - private;

[theotokos]

I'm sure that it would be, people will use others for whatever their means may be or look for a scapegoat. But you can't change who you are, you can only change those who surround you.

And it's not worth getting angry over it. You don't strike me as a danger, you seem like someone who knows their limits and strengths and uses them properly. Forget them, you don't need them, they're only dragging you down and it's only going to hurt you in the long run.

voice - private;

[yetsleeping]

I--

[A long pause. Because she doesn't want to admit aloud how unstable she can be - how precariously balanced on the edge of becoming a monstrosity. And how dangerous she'll be if she ever falls off that line.]

[It isn't that she hasn't admitted it before. But it seems different this time... somehow. Perhaps because Lady, unlike so many others, doesn't already see her as a beast.]

--thank you, Lady.

I think you're probably right about changing who surrounds me.

voice - private;

[theotokos]

[You can thank Dante for this, without him, she wouldn't be so supportive. But Priscilla is just as human as she is, so she has faith.]

You're welcome.

It's hard, so it's understandable. I still think you hang around shitty people.

Re: voice - private;

[yetsleeping]

I do?

Well, some of them are objectively pretty bad. Although the funny thing is, your advice is a lot like... theirs? Well, his.

voice - private;

[theotokos]

[Just the faintest of annoyance rises in her.]

It sure sounds like you do, if they're getting on you for being stronger than they are and they're so concerned you're going to fly off the handle. Extra scrutiny doesn't help, does it?

Just surround yourself with your friends, the people who know you won't fly off the handle and maybe things will change for the better for you.

voice - private;

[yetsleeping]

I... it's a little... more complicated than that. But you're still right. The extra scrutiny really just makes me angry, which definitely doesn't help.

But. I don't really have a lot of friends. I know a lot of people... but it's not the same thing.