/.waxing.gibbous.\ [voice - filtered]
[the moment of silence happened before the button was pressed. Now the voice starts at once. Quietly, distantly, for all the world like a professor dictating lecture notes.]
It's a difficult thing, isn't it, telling the truth. Not the avoidance of lies. That's a way of life. But the assertion, by statement, of truth.
It requires confidence that one knows the truth.
[private to Lust, Byakuya Kuchiki, Haruno Sakura, Jim Standfast]
Hullo. If you wouldn't mind witnessing this test for me, there'll be a reason for it later.
I want to say- [can't say "I did it"…] theoretical quote, "it's my fault." Endquote.
So I'll say it.
[silence.
A breath.]
…So.
The fact that I can't either means somewhere I possess a prodigious power for denial, to be unable to accept this as fact.
Alternately, I know that in the literal truth, this is not true. I did not commit these murders. I did not kill these children.
Can I state so figuratively?
[another strained moment of breath without words. Formulate carefully or it fails.
Act of will not to switch this next bit entirely to Private.]
I am guilty of hope. I am guilty of assumption. I am guilty of- wanting- the possibility of a human being. Because the body is human. I want it to follow that the psyche must still connect to… what I think of as "humanity". I am guilty of being incapable of dismissing the possibility of salvation. Because I cannot help but feel certain things myself, I am guilty in projection; in assumption that even she- at the utmost end, must feel, as well. I…
[every pause is a discovery of an untruth that won't verbalise. Then the readjustment to find a truth that will. Emphasized words are corrections.]
-I-
["Believe", present tense, did not work. "Believed", past tense, still does not.]
-operated under the assumption that everyone has a heart. Everyone has a mind. And no matter how twisted, these things can be changed. Or redeemed.
I-
-can't even say "I thought" because I suppose it isn't true. I hoped.
Will I be able to say this next, I wonder…?
[…Oh God.]
I shall strive not to make that mistake with her again.
End test.
[video]
[broader filter. Very magical, very shaky, very subjective. Very based on his worst dreams of what he wants so badly to avoid, even in the face of multiple murder: what sides would form should the Scorched of Anatole officially coalesce for war.
People excluded: anyone he thinks would side with Bellatrix. (Definitely Yazoo.) -and, in accord with said striving: against his aforementioned desire to hope, also excludes Draco.]
So. We are forced to speak the truth. I thank the Mist for that, for otherwise I would be in an even more impossible situation.
I- no, I don't yet know as a fact who is committing these murders. I am however confident in my theory and certain I know why. I need only examine a victim for myself to be able to tell, objectively and surely.
My delicate situation is: I cannot prove to anyone else in Anatole the validity of my findings. There are traces I can read that are not measurable outside my discipline. Others would have to accept my word on it.
And my word, I suspect, will point at one who has tried to blame murder on me in the past. This is too important to be derailed by possibility of… personal vendetta.
I am convinced of the value of governed society and centralised policing. I do not wish by my actions to support vigilantism and lynch mobs.
However. I believe I am right. And if so, I must act. Can I say this, now…? Because …if I am right… then it is my own action that… unwittingly… incited this current… horror.
[finding the truthful phrasing is exhausting. …But it always is so for him. Just more… externally imposed, now. Overly concerned with objective accuracy.]
I would advise anyone who wishes to take this matter in their own hands not to. At least, do not attempt it alone. If not for your own safety, then for the likelihood of success.
[original filter: private to Byakuya, Jim, Sakura, Lust]
If you would meet me, I would like to examine some of these bodies. I can then tell for certain that it is, as I suspect, Bellatrix Lestrange.
I am contacting you preemptively because I am fairly certain already. The choice of victims is not random. It is directly symbolic. To something from our world. Something… recently relevant.
Iolanthe, if she's willing, can be my character witness. She's known me best and longest here and can judge if the Mist is truly preventing me from lying. Though perhaps my record makes that unnecessary.
Sakura is the only person I've met, in either world, who has defeated Lestrange quickly and single-handedly. In my own past confrontations with her, we've stalemated.
I'm aware I'm being… overthinkingly detailed in all this.
My history with Lestrange inclines me to be; for the only alternative is the absence of thought.
[ooc: I should never write while sleep-deprived, it winds up enormously long and I wouldn't swear to its coherence. I'll have to judge it in the morning…?]
It's a difficult thing, isn't it, telling the truth. Not the avoidance of lies. That's a way of life. But the assertion, by statement, of truth.
It requires confidence that one knows the truth.
[private to Lust, Byakuya Kuchiki, Haruno Sakura, Jim Standfast]
Hullo. If you wouldn't mind witnessing this test for me, there'll be a reason for it later.
I want to say- [can't say "I did it"…] theoretical quote, "it's my fault." Endquote.
So I'll say it.
[silence.
A breath.]
…So.
The fact that I can't either means somewhere I possess a prodigious power for denial, to be unable to accept this as fact.
Alternately, I know that in the literal truth, this is not true. I did not commit these murders. I did not kill these children.
Can I state so figuratively?
[another strained moment of breath without words. Formulate carefully or it fails.
Act of will not to switch this next bit entirely to Private.]
I am guilty of hope. I am guilty of assumption. I am guilty of- wanting- the possibility of a human being. Because the body is human. I want it to follow that the psyche must still connect to… what I think of as "humanity". I am guilty of being incapable of dismissing the possibility of salvation. Because I cannot help but feel certain things myself, I am guilty in projection; in assumption that even she- at the utmost end, must feel, as well. I…
[every pause is a discovery of an untruth that won't verbalise. Then the readjustment to find a truth that will. Emphasized words are corrections.]
-I-
["Believe", present tense, did not work. "Believed", past tense, still does not.]
-operated under the assumption that everyone has a heart. Everyone has a mind. And no matter how twisted, these things can be changed. Or redeemed.
I-
-can't even say "I thought" because I suppose it isn't true. I hoped.
Will I be able to say this next, I wonder…?
[…Oh God.]
I shall strive not to make that mistake with her again.
End test.
[video]
[broader filter. Very magical, very shaky, very subjective. Very based on his worst dreams of what he wants so badly to avoid, even in the face of multiple murder: what sides would form should the Scorched of Anatole officially coalesce for war.
People excluded: anyone he thinks would side with Bellatrix. (Definitely Yazoo.) -and, in accord with said striving: against his aforementioned desire to hope, also excludes Draco.]
So. We are forced to speak the truth. I thank the Mist for that, for otherwise I would be in an even more impossible situation.
I- no, I don't yet know as a fact who is committing these murders. I am however confident in my theory and certain I know why. I need only examine a victim for myself to be able to tell, objectively and surely.
My delicate situation is: I cannot prove to anyone else in Anatole the validity of my findings. There are traces I can read that are not measurable outside my discipline. Others would have to accept my word on it.
And my word, I suspect, will point at one who has tried to blame murder on me in the past. This is too important to be derailed by possibility of… personal vendetta.
I am convinced of the value of governed society and centralised policing. I do not wish by my actions to support vigilantism and lynch mobs.
However. I believe I am right. And if so, I must act. Can I say this, now…? Because …if I am right… then it is my own action that… unwittingly… incited this current… horror.
[finding the truthful phrasing is exhausting. …But it always is so for him. Just more… externally imposed, now. Overly concerned with objective accuracy.]
I would advise anyone who wishes to take this matter in their own hands not to. At least, do not attempt it alone. If not for your own safety, then for the likelihood of success.
[original filter: private to Byakuya, Jim, Sakura, Lust]
If you would meet me, I would like to examine some of these bodies. I can then tell for certain that it is, as I suspect, Bellatrix Lestrange.
I am contacting you preemptively because I am fairly certain already. The choice of victims is not random. It is directly symbolic. To something from our world. Something… recently relevant.
Iolanthe, if she's willing, can be my character witness. She's known me best and longest here and can judge if the Mist is truly preventing me from lying. Though perhaps my record makes that unnecessary.
Sakura is the only person I've met, in either world, who has defeated Lestrange quickly and single-handedly. In my own past confrontations with her, we've stalemated.
I'm aware I'm being… overthinkingly detailed in all this.
My history with Lestrange inclines me to be; for the only alternative is the absence of thought.
[ooc: I should never write while sleep-deprived, it winds up enormously long and I wouldn't swear to its coherence. I'll have to judge it in the morning…?]