[ 18 - voice | accidentally unfiltered ]
[Kaien's voice is quiet, reflective, today, and it's rather clear that he's talking to himself. The post was either accidental or not meant to be public.]
Ganju, Kuukaku...
I wonder how you two are doing. It's been...six months since I last saw the both of you, I think. I miss you...[A brief pause and a mirthless chuckle] Though I guess, you both must miss me more. All I was told was that our family fell after I...what happened. Can't have been easy, any of it... I'm sorry. Wonder how long it's been for you. Must have been years, maybe decades... Sure you've been taking good care of each other, though. I know it.
[This is where his voice drops a bit, and there's a quiet sigh before he speaks next]
Rukia, I don't...I don't even know what to say. Even if you could hear me, nothing I could say or do would make up for what you had to go through. I wish I could...change it for you, but I don't even know what happened. Even if I did, there's no guarantee I'd remember if I got to go back...
[Silence, for a few moments, before he continues, voice a little stronger] I hope you know, though, that I was so grateful to hear that you were with me, then. Thank you for not letting me die alone, Rukia. Thank you, for keeping my heart with you.
[The sounds of rustling fabric can be heard as Kaien shifts on his bed.]
And Captain Ukitake. I think that...of everyone I've left behind back home...you're the one I miss the most.
When he came here, Byakuya said that...Squad Thirteen didn't have a lieutenant anymore, that I'd never been replaced. It means a lot to me, to know I was that important to you. I--it's always been such an honor to serve under you. [Another of those mirthless laughs, abruptly] Funny that I'm saying all this now, when you're not even here. But I've just been thinking too much these days, not saying enough. Been mostly absent from the network, lately. But I...still, I hope you know that, anyway.
[...]
It's wrong to wish you were here, isn't it? At least, I think it should be. But I do, anyway.
I need your advice, so badly. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I know people are starting to get worried about me, and I can't keep up the fake smiles and tell everyone I'm okay forever...I can't even lie to myself that I'm okay anymore. I just...feel like I should disappear too, for all the good I'm doing anybody.
And I know for sure that's wrong, but I--I can't...[He trails off, there.]
Everyone...everyone I was close to, all my friends since the beginning...they're almost all gone now. I haven't...been able to protect any of them. All that's left is...Priscilla and Namine. Don't even think Karako's around anymore.
W-well, and Naruto...but I. Don't think he likes me, because I'm shinigami. If I get to keep my memories of here...if I go home, I'd like to ask you about that. What he said, I--it doesn't sound like something shinigami would do.
[Another pause, and then a sigh. More rustling of fabric as he gets up.]
I should get going.
[The Forge goes off with a click. Seems the post was intentional after all, just...unintentionally unfiltered.]
Ganju, Kuukaku...
I wonder how you two are doing. It's been...six months since I last saw the both of you, I think. I miss you...[A brief pause and a mirthless chuckle] Though I guess, you both must miss me more. All I was told was that our family fell after I...what happened. Can't have been easy, any of it... I'm sorry. Wonder how long it's been for you. Must have been years, maybe decades... Sure you've been taking good care of each other, though. I know it.
[This is where his voice drops a bit, and there's a quiet sigh before he speaks next]
Rukia, I don't...I don't even know what to say. Even if you could hear me, nothing I could say or do would make up for what you had to go through. I wish I could...change it for you, but I don't even know what happened. Even if I did, there's no guarantee I'd remember if I got to go back...
[Silence, for a few moments, before he continues, voice a little stronger] I hope you know, though, that I was so grateful to hear that you were with me, then. Thank you for not letting me die alone, Rukia. Thank you, for keeping my heart with you.
[The sounds of rustling fabric can be heard as Kaien shifts on his bed.]
And Captain Ukitake. I think that...of everyone I've left behind back home...you're the one I miss the most.
When he came here, Byakuya said that...Squad Thirteen didn't have a lieutenant anymore, that I'd never been replaced. It means a lot to me, to know I was that important to you. I--it's always been such an honor to serve under you. [Another of those mirthless laughs, abruptly] Funny that I'm saying all this now, when you're not even here. But I've just been thinking too much these days, not saying enough. Been mostly absent from the network, lately. But I...still, I hope you know that, anyway.
[...]
It's wrong to wish you were here, isn't it? At least, I think it should be. But I do, anyway.
I need your advice, so badly. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I know people are starting to get worried about me, and I can't keep up the fake smiles and tell everyone I'm okay forever...I can't even lie to myself that I'm okay anymore. I just...feel like I should disappear too, for all the good I'm doing anybody.
And I know for sure that's wrong, but I--I can't...[He trails off, there.]
Everyone...everyone I was close to, all my friends since the beginning...they're almost all gone now. I haven't...been able to protect any of them. All that's left is...Priscilla and Namine. Don't even think Karako's around anymore.
W-well, and Naruto...but I. Don't think he likes me, because I'm shinigami. If I get to keep my memories of here...if I go home, I'd like to ask you about that. What he said, I--it doesn't sound like something shinigami would do.
[Another pause, and then a sigh. More rustling of fabric as he gets up.]
I should get going.
[The Forge goes off with a click. Seems the post was intentional after all, just...unintentionally unfiltered.]