The Journey, or the Destination?
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I"m not sure that is a very good thing. I have come to the conclusion that I am as lost as I always have been. I also pretend I have things under control. I don't even think pretend is the right word. More like convince myself that I have everything under control. I have never really had things under control. I am just sort of going along with everything, because it is really all know what to do. I'll have moments where the road in front of my looks clear and straight, and then in an instant..poof...gone back into the mist.
I know I want to work in the arts, but I hate the fact that I can't live the life I dreamed of because I can't make enough money working in the arts. That is a very strange place to be. That leads to the question, is it the journey, or the destination I want more? That part I am still figuring out. At the moment I am living the journey part. And while it hasn't been easy, it has definitely been interesting. It has taught me a lot about people, and a lot about myself. I'm beginning to think though the journey isn't really what I want. If I come to that conclusion, that leads to a whole nuther set of questions. Questions I'm not sure I'm ready to answer. Questions I'm not even sure have answers.
I have a few saving graces in this whole situation. My family for allowing me to be who I am, and support me, but emotionally and financially. My friends. I mean my really close friends. There are very few of them, and they know who they are. And music. I have no clue what the hell I would be doing if I didn't have music in my life.
I got distracted by Pandora, and now don't remember what I was going to type. This seems to happen a lot to, I have a thought, and then..poof...back into the mist. I'm beginning to think the mist is my enemy. :)
It is a good thing I only have a few people reading this, I would probably sound pretty crazy to most people. But I guess that is what makes me interesting.
Perhaps I am thinking about all of this to much. Looking back on it, some of the biggest decisions of my life were made without much thought about it, I just sort of did it and things feel into place. I wonder if I can do that with my life.
Alright, enough thinking and blabbing. I should listen to the beatles... Here comes the sun!
Off to go read.
I know I want to work in the arts, but I hate the fact that I can't live the life I dreamed of because I can't make enough money working in the arts. That is a very strange place to be. That leads to the question, is it the journey, or the destination I want more? That part I am still figuring out. At the moment I am living the journey part. And while it hasn't been easy, it has definitely been interesting. It has taught me a lot about people, and a lot about myself. I'm beginning to think though the journey isn't really what I want. If I come to that conclusion, that leads to a whole nuther set of questions. Questions I'm not sure I'm ready to answer. Questions I'm not even sure have answers.
I have a few saving graces in this whole situation. My family for allowing me to be who I am, and support me, but emotionally and financially. My friends. I mean my really close friends. There are very few of them, and they know who they are. And music. I have no clue what the hell I would be doing if I didn't have music in my life.
I got distracted by Pandora, and now don't remember what I was going to type. This seems to happen a lot to, I have a thought, and then..poof...back into the mist. I'm beginning to think the mist is my enemy. :)
It is a good thing I only have a few people reading this, I would probably sound pretty crazy to most people. But I guess that is what makes me interesting.
Perhaps I am thinking about all of this to much. Looking back on it, some of the biggest decisions of my life were made without much thought about it, I just sort of did it and things feel into place. I wonder if I can do that with my life.
Alright, enough thinking and blabbing. I should listen to the beatles... Here comes the sun!
Off to go read.