hmmmmmmmmm....... i'm thinking
you know what im just gonna come out and say how im feeling right now. i dont care who reads this cause i just cant keep it bottled up anymore. I Love Joshua! ok i know i say it all the time but i really mean it. I care about him so much and it hurts me when i think about how i can never have him as more than a friend. I know he's happy with martin, but its still hard to deal with. i never realized i cared about him as much as i do until all this happend. i thought i kinda liked him, but i never imagined that i would cry over him like i am right now. i think he knows im upset about something, but i donno if he knows how much i really like him. there's one thing i was wanting to ask him, but im not going too. i was gonna ask him that if he wasnt dating martin would he ever consider going out with me. i shouldn't be thinking like that! martin is one of my best friends and i cant do that to him. he's sooooo happy and i dont want to be the one to hurt him, even if that means i have to cry every night for the rest of my life. im just glad im getting it out cause i couldnt keep it bottled up any longer. it was tearing me apart. Josh if ur reading this now u know how i really feel about u and i hope it doesnt change how good of friends we are and martin if ur reading this im sorry and i hope u dont hate me. i just had to come out with it. well im going to stop before i get so upset that i pick up my box cutter again.
Jen
Jen