Firsts
I've been working from home the past few days and have been unable to concentrate. I've been doing the bare minimum, but not much more than that. At first I thought it was the solitude....no annoying loud phone conversations, or drop-by conversations. But I kept on thinking about how time time last year Sid was in the hospital on Thanksgiving and I hated that. I felt so bad that he was alone even if only for a few minutes until the next person was scheduled to visit. It was raining that day and I made sure to bring some of my mom's potato salad to him.
I feel I have done so good so far. I made it through my birthday, 4th of July traditions with friends, going to our place in OBX. I just think that he should be here helping make Thanksgiving dinner at our new place....brining the turkey overnight, watching cranberries pop in sugar and water, mixing sage sausage with peppers and onions for the stuffing. He should be here, period. And I feel that I had it together, but for some reason I'm letting things slip and I can feel that I'm losing my grip on things. I just can't get motivated.
I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day...I can take the time to sort through things and then maybe bang out the work that I've been sitting on the past 2 days. Work that is mindless, work that an Excel pivot table does for me. And I know Sid is begging me to get on with my life and to be happy and to go out and do whatever makes me feel good. I'm trying to figure that out....it's fir first time I had to do that since being with him, despite how he would drive me crazy, was what made me happy and I never had to think about it.
So here I am sitting, wanting to have something else to talk about...anything else to talk about, but I still can't think of anything else. But I have been told that with my liabilities are assets...and I do have much to be thankful for. I had a house full of family and friends this weekend....and even those who couldn't make it were there in spirit. I have a wonderful home and a beautiful daughter who I share it with. I have a great job that allows me to live comfortably. Honestly, I do have a lot...I just want to share all this with someone else as well. This is the first time I can truly admit that.
I feel I have done so good so far. I made it through my birthday, 4th of July traditions with friends, going to our place in OBX. I just think that he should be here helping make Thanksgiving dinner at our new place....brining the turkey overnight, watching cranberries pop in sugar and water, mixing sage sausage with peppers and onions for the stuffing. He should be here, period. And I feel that I had it together, but for some reason I'm letting things slip and I can feel that I'm losing my grip on things. I just can't get motivated.
I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day...I can take the time to sort through things and then maybe bang out the work that I've been sitting on the past 2 days. Work that is mindless, work that an Excel pivot table does for me. And I know Sid is begging me to get on with my life and to be happy and to go out and do whatever makes me feel good. I'm trying to figure that out....it's fir first time I had to do that since being with him, despite how he would drive me crazy, was what made me happy and I never had to think about it.
So here I am sitting, wanting to have something else to talk about...anything else to talk about, but I still can't think of anything else. But I have been told that with my liabilities are assets...and I do have much to be thankful for. I had a house full of family and friends this weekend....and even those who couldn't make it were there in spirit. I have a wonderful home and a beautiful daughter who I share it with. I have a great job that allows me to live comfortably. Honestly, I do have a lot...I just want to share all this with someone else as well. This is the first time I can truly admit that.