Prayin For Love
So, I want to aplogize to poor little livejournal, I have neglected you for far too long. It seems when all goes well & there is barely an issue I ignore you.
For that I am sorry LJ. You have done nothing wrong, its only when things are going bad do I feel the need to be theraputic & write. Lots.
So, family & I are going bad. I got into a fist fight with my step father, I ended up bleeding all over the floor, not by his macho-fighting-skills mind you, but in mid fight something glass broke & got all up in my foots.
Uhm, Kyle & I are over for good, & thats probably the main reason I'm writing in this delightful creature. Because this whole things just killing me, I think I would be all right if we were friends, but never has a breakup gone as bad as this one. And I mean, maybe I do need therapy? But what I really want is closure, but he wont let that happen, & I know it.
But hey! You just gotta keep living right?
It just sucks, because I have nightmares about him, well, I mean, if we were still dating they'd be wetdreams, but now that I am trying my damndest to get over him, its a fucking nightmare.
I think I see him when I'm driving & I get all scared & nervous. But I mean, what the hell? If anything he's done nothing to scare me, Im just like...un-naturally horrified of seeing him again.
Its just hard. I have less than 3 weeks left down here in Ole MS, but its just so fucking complicated. I've never been so unhappy in my entire life.
One person makes me smile, & thats the guy from VA. Hummus/Jefu. I dunno, the phone conversations, all of that, its fucking wonderful. If there was ever a reason I was excited about moving up there he is that reason.
I've never met someone so awesome, funny, confident (but not in a way that pisses me off to the extent of stabbing), he is just all around awesome.
Hell, if all Jewish people are as cool as him lemme ride upon the gay jew train!
I'm just really fragile right now, & kind of terrified of trying all over agian, but Im gonna make it, somehow. I WILL SURVIVE!
I think I would do better if there were no tanned italian men walking around, & no more Kyle dreams. Thats whats really distracting me, I think I have a good day & then..BAM! I'm FUCKED! Ha ha.
Im just glad my friends are coming to visit me at work & bother me trying to cheer me up. I just really hope things will be better in VA. One can only hope though right? It's gotta get better.
Its one of those love/hate things. I still love kyle, Im worried about him. But I hope his newboyfriend (who I can literally say gets around..mind you without protection) fucks him up. Because, after all the warnings & everything he just doesnt wanna see it.
His best friend isnt his best friend anymore, now shes mine. How odd is that? After all this we became friends ha ha.
But then again, shes like a well tamed tiger, dont get to close, she might bite a hand off.
I havent a clue, Im all kinds of confused about things in life..again. Heres to hoping something goes awesome.