[public] communi-CA-tion breakdown! it's always the SAME!
one of the books I'm being assigned readings from for my DMAC module (the last substantial requirement before I earn my FSA) is Messages: The Communication Skills Book (3rd ed.), by McKay, Davis, and Fanning, from New Harbinger Publications.
I'm finding myself asking "where was this book in my life 20 years ago?!"
... and the answer, of course, is that (this edition of) it wasn't published yet.
but even if I'd had access to the 2nd edition (1995), this is not the kind of book I would have read at that age unless forced to. I never had a proper appreciation for the importance of social skills.
and as useful as the techniques and advice in Chapter 14, "Making Contact", are, I still found myself raising an eyebrow at things like the following:
[R]eframe the meeting experience so that the stakes aren't so high. Meeting with interesting strangers shouldn't be a test to see if they want to sleep with you, want to be your friend or mate, or even particularly like you. It's merely an opportunity to begin getting to know someone who interests you.
The most basic rule of conversation is to pry. [...] Be outrageous, because each question continues the excitement and pleasure of a growing intimacy.
Prying is fun. It helps you satisfy your curiosity and also get more information so you can keep the conversation going. When you are no longer curious enough to pry, it's probably a good sign that the conversation has run its course and you should look for a graceful close.
the problem is that I can probably count on one hand the number of people in my adult life who've interested me enough, gotten me curious enough, to pry. people in general, and what might be happening in their lives, have never piqued my curiosity.
now, it's a fair question whether that is due to my almost never taking the first step of breaking the ice that might allow me to get to the "prying" stage in the first place. on the other hand, in the past few years I've had no shortage of such opportunities with the NJGSO -- I typically join those who go out for dinner and drinks after rehearsals -- yet I still haven't felt the urge to progress past the "acquaintance" stage with any of them, if that. and you could say the same about the AMV crowds at the conventions I've attended.
even at CTYer reunions (are those still happening? I haven't been invited to one in years now) which reminded me of some of the happiest times of my life, I generally avoided talking to people much, greatly preferring games of the card and board and party varieties. I just didn't see a reason to... unless of course people were asking me about my life or a topic relevant to my interests, in which case I'd gladly go on as long as they'd let me.
in the same vein,
cyanna may not have liked it very much when I told her 19 years ago, but so far it looks like I was right: I haven't missed any of our high school classmates.
... I wonder if this kind of pattern fits any diagnosable psychological disorder?
anyway. thoughts? does anyone else out there have the same tendency? is this the kind of thing that changes with enough deliberate social exposure and conversation?
This entry was originally posted at: https://scintilla72.dreamwidth.org/762728.html. Please comment wherever you prefer.
I'm finding myself asking "where was this book in my life 20 years ago?!"
... and the answer, of course, is that (this edition of) it wasn't published yet.
but even if I'd had access to the 2nd edition (1995), this is not the kind of book I would have read at that age unless forced to. I never had a proper appreciation for the importance of social skills.
and as useful as the techniques and advice in Chapter 14, "Making Contact", are, I still found myself raising an eyebrow at things like the following:
[R]eframe the meeting experience so that the stakes aren't so high. Meeting with interesting strangers shouldn't be a test to see if they want to sleep with you, want to be your friend or mate, or even particularly like you. It's merely an opportunity to begin getting to know someone who interests you.
The most basic rule of conversation is to pry. [...] Be outrageous, because each question continues the excitement and pleasure of a growing intimacy.
Prying is fun. It helps you satisfy your curiosity and also get more information so you can keep the conversation going. When you are no longer curious enough to pry, it's probably a good sign that the conversation has run its course and you should look for a graceful close.
the problem is that I can probably count on one hand the number of people in my adult life who've interested me enough, gotten me curious enough, to pry. people in general, and what might be happening in their lives, have never piqued my curiosity.
now, it's a fair question whether that is due to my almost never taking the first step of breaking the ice that might allow me to get to the "prying" stage in the first place. on the other hand, in the past few years I've had no shortage of such opportunities with the NJGSO -- I typically join those who go out for dinner and drinks after rehearsals -- yet I still haven't felt the urge to progress past the "acquaintance" stage with any of them, if that. and you could say the same about the AMV crowds at the conventions I've attended.
even at CTYer reunions (are those still happening? I haven't been invited to one in years now) which reminded me of some of the happiest times of my life, I generally avoided talking to people much, greatly preferring games of the card and board and party varieties. I just didn't see a reason to... unless of course people were asking me about my life or a topic relevant to my interests, in which case I'd gladly go on as long as they'd let me.
in the same vein,
cyanna may not have liked it very much when I told her 19 years ago, but so far it looks like I was right: I haven't missed any of our high school classmates.
... I wonder if this kind of pattern fits any diagnosable psychological disorder?
anyway. thoughts? does anyone else out there have the same tendency? is this the kind of thing that changes with enough deliberate social exposure and conversation?
This entry was originally posted at: https://scintilla72.dreamwidth.org/762728.html. Please comment wherever you prefer.