Between Man and God (1/?)
Title: Between Man and God
Characters: Ten, later Ten/Rose
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst (I love how this will surprise no one)
Spoilers: Through JE and then spoilers for other stories of mine, but nothing major there.
Word Count: 801
Summary: Because that's what she does, my Rose. She lives everything so fully that the rest of us can't help ourselves. As we move into the Vortex--and by 'we' I mean the TARDIS and I--a thought strikes me and I start to laugh, even as tears leak out of my eyes. Even when she's universes away, on the other side of that damned white wall, she's still saving me.
A/N: Well, here is the first part of another piece of my AT Paradigms series. I have 4 chapters of this done and one more being written, plus what's already done of BWR to post, so there'll be things for you all to read while I finish up the new bits. :)
This has to be the worst day of my life, standing here on this beach. Not for the first time, but the second.
And not just the latest in a long line of 'worst days'--and believe me, I've had lots--but the Big One. The single, ultimate Worst Day. I don't think I like it. You'd think after watching my planet burn, my people die in what was meant to be the end of the Daleks--what should have been the end of the Daleks...
And that was a worst day. I woke up from that regeneration and screamed. I screamed and screamed until my vocal chords literally snapped and it was because I was on fire. Places in my mind that had always been full almost to the point of crowded were suddenly hearts-wrenchingly empty and it burned. So empty, so alone I never thought I'd be able to feel warm again.
And then I met her.
She was sweet and soft and blonde and smiling and young and optimistic and and and... She was everything I wasn't. Still is. She is my match, in every way. Soft where I am hard, warm where I am cool, open where I am guarded. My Rose, my precious Rose.
My Rose. Not his. Mine
Ah, but not anymore, a smugly broken voice in my head reminds me. You could have her. She'd stay if you gave even a glance suggesting that's what you wanted. A glance. That's all it'd take and you'd have her back with yo-- And then he leans in and says the words I can't, not before I turn around and walk out forever. I wouldn't be able to leave. Not after seeing her face, not after feeling her lips on mine--of her own accord, not Cassandra's. It's just not fair.
But since when is the universe fair?
Turning to Donna I nod to the TARDIS and we both make a quick retreat. She's got my mind. His mind. My mind. She knows. She alone of anyone can understand just how hard this is for me. Can understand the effort it takes to will myself to set the controls, to not run down that grating and snatch her back to me. Finally, someone else who knows my pain. But even that can't last.
The universe is just too cruel.
o0O0o
I'm back on this timeforsaken beach, sitting in the sand. S'not the same beach of course. That would be impossible. Not to mention horribly anticlimactic. I mean, how embarrassing to go through that hearts-rending farewell only to show up again a few minutes later.
After what I've just been through, I'd risk living a million such embarrassments to have her catch me up in a hug, tell me it's not my fault--even though deep down I think we both know it is. But then I start to think, as I sit here in the wet sand with the icy tide coming in around me. I think about Rose and just what it was about her that was different. That made her so special. She wouldn't walk the world for me like Martha did.
She would.
She couldn't.
She would.
And I think maybe I've finally hit the nail on the head. What makes Rose special is that she really does believe it isn't my fault. She sees some good in me that others miss--that I miss. And she makes me believe in it too. She could make the Queen believe the sky was green if she believed in it. And she cared. Oh, Rassilon did she care. Not about everything, everyone as I did, but anything and anyone. Didn't matter if she'd known them thirty seconds.
She'd die for a perfect stranger. I'd die for a world of people I'll never meet.
I wonder which one of us has it right. Or maybe that's it. Maybe that's how we made it work. I looked at big, she at small. All bases covered.
There's a breeze coming in strong from the sea and I breathe it in deep. It's odd, but... Among the briny smells of sea and salt and sand, I can smell her, my Rose. Just a breath on the wind, but it's enough. Enough to get me up off my arse and back into the TARDIS. Back to flipping switches and whirling knobs and wheels. Back to life.
Because that's what she does, my Rose. She lives everything so fully that the rest of us can't help ourselves. As we move into the Vortex--and by 'we' I mean the TARDIS and I--a thought strikes me and I start to laugh, even as tears leak out of my eyes.
Even when she's universes away, on the other side of that damned white wall, she's still saving me.
Not him.
Me.
Characters: Ten, later Ten/Rose
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst (I love how this will surprise no one)
Spoilers: Through JE and then spoilers for other stories of mine, but nothing major there.
Word Count: 801
Summary: Because that's what she does, my Rose. She lives everything so fully that the rest of us can't help ourselves. As we move into the Vortex--and by 'we' I mean the TARDIS and I--a thought strikes me and I start to laugh, even as tears leak out of my eyes. Even when she's universes away, on the other side of that damned white wall, she's still saving me.
A/N: Well, here is the first part of another piece of my AT Paradigms series. I have 4 chapters of this done and one more being written, plus what's already done of BWR to post, so there'll be things for you all to read while I finish up the new bits. :)
This has to be the worst day of my life, standing here on this beach. Not for the first time, but the second.
And not just the latest in a long line of 'worst days'--and believe me, I've had lots--but the Big One. The single, ultimate Worst Day. I don't think I like it. You'd think after watching my planet burn, my people die in what was meant to be the end of the Daleks--what should have been the end of the Daleks...
And that was a worst day. I woke up from that regeneration and screamed. I screamed and screamed until my vocal chords literally snapped and it was because I was on fire. Places in my mind that had always been full almost to the point of crowded were suddenly hearts-wrenchingly empty and it burned. So empty, so alone I never thought I'd be able to feel warm again.
And then I met her.
She was sweet and soft and blonde and smiling and young and optimistic and and and... She was everything I wasn't. Still is. She is my match, in every way. Soft where I am hard, warm where I am cool, open where I am guarded. My Rose, my precious Rose.
My Rose. Not his. Mine
Ah, but not anymore, a smugly broken voice in my head reminds me. You could have her. She'd stay if you gave even a glance suggesting that's what you wanted. A glance. That's all it'd take and you'd have her back with yo-- And then he leans in and says the words I can't, not before I turn around and walk out forever. I wouldn't be able to leave. Not after seeing her face, not after feeling her lips on mine--of her own accord, not Cassandra's. It's just not fair.
But since when is the universe fair?
Turning to Donna I nod to the TARDIS and we both make a quick retreat. She's got my mind. His mind. My mind. She knows. She alone of anyone can understand just how hard this is for me. Can understand the effort it takes to will myself to set the controls, to not run down that grating and snatch her back to me. Finally, someone else who knows my pain. But even that can't last.
The universe is just too cruel.
o0O0o
I'm back on this timeforsaken beach, sitting in the sand. S'not the same beach of course. That would be impossible. Not to mention horribly anticlimactic. I mean, how embarrassing to go through that hearts-rending farewell only to show up again a few minutes later.
After what I've just been through, I'd risk living a million such embarrassments to have her catch me up in a hug, tell me it's not my fault--even though deep down I think we both know it is. But then I start to think, as I sit here in the wet sand with the icy tide coming in around me. I think about Rose and just what it was about her that was different. That made her so special. She wouldn't walk the world for me like Martha did.
She would.
She couldn't.
She would.
And I think maybe I've finally hit the nail on the head. What makes Rose special is that she really does believe it isn't my fault. She sees some good in me that others miss--that I miss. And she makes me believe in it too. She could make the Queen believe the sky was green if she believed in it. And she cared. Oh, Rassilon did she care. Not about everything, everyone as I did, but anything and anyone. Didn't matter if she'd known them thirty seconds.
She'd die for a perfect stranger. I'd die for a world of people I'll never meet.
I wonder which one of us has it right. Or maybe that's it. Maybe that's how we made it work. I looked at big, she at small. All bases covered.
There's a breeze coming in strong from the sea and I breathe it in deep. It's odd, but... Among the briny smells of sea and salt and sand, I can smell her, my Rose. Just a breath on the wind, but it's enough. Enough to get me up off my arse and back into the TARDIS. Back to flipping switches and whirling knobs and wheels. Back to life.
Because that's what she does, my Rose. She lives everything so fully that the rest of us can't help ourselves. As we move into the Vortex--and by 'we' I mean the TARDIS and I--a thought strikes me and I start to laugh, even as tears leak out of my eyes.
Even when she's universes away, on the other side of that damned white wall, she's still saving me.
Not him.
Me.