In my world, eveything is more complicated than it should be.
What a I afraid of? When I'm alone with him, it's as if I feel conscious about everything that I'm doing at the moment. Every action, every step, every gesture, every word, every smile. I just feel constrained. I really don't know why I'm like this. I'm over thinking things, and it's holding me back from taking the moment in, from letting him in. It's weird. I feel stuck. And it's like routine now for me, every night I think about that moment when it will all change. When I won't have to think. I can just be myself. When I won't be afraid to touch him, really hug him, maybe even kiss him. I've been waiting for this moment for almost 20 years. Is this shyness? Or is this something even deeper?