Hmmm
I think I just had the worst nightmare of my entire life last night. It felt as if that was my reality, living in some disturbed world with a psychosis. It was terrifying...between the strange happenings, hallucinations within the dream, and seeing someone kill 3 people with a knife, hmm i dont know what puts it in for me. My great grandmother was in it too...as some sort of fucking demon entity sliming her body on the ground. I have no idea how to fucking describe this shit. Eh...
Ha, that almost makes me afraid to go back to sleep ever again.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night. It was much needed. I truly am one self-destructive person. Which is interesting, because I hate...hate seeing other people destroy themselves and lay to rot away. It's painful to watch happen. So why do I do it to myself?
Ah, I loooooovvvee how I made the attempt to get community therapy, upon the recommendation of my counselor and psychiatrist at Bradley because I seem to still be having problems and have hit some sort of ceiling with them. I try so hard to think that they aren't abandoning me...I know they aren't. Heh, 2 years of therapy at Bradley. But I happen to be the only person in my immediate family who doesn't have health insurance, and outside therapy is like ridiculous: ~ $150 an hour session. Fuck that. I'm not sure what's going to happen. Maybe I should just quit therapy altogether. Not getting anywhere. Whatever man.
Heh...always a bad mood with me. Why can't you be happy Erik? At least content? Why oh why? Fuck you brain. fuck you
I remember saying something to my mom when I was in a depressed mood that I can't wait for the world to fucking end, like in my lifetime you know? Ha, her response actually made me laugh a little. She said I wouldn't be that lucky. How true.
Ha, that almost makes me afraid to go back to sleep ever again.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night. It was much needed. I truly am one self-destructive person. Which is interesting, because I hate...hate seeing other people destroy themselves and lay to rot away. It's painful to watch happen. So why do I do it to myself?
Ah, I loooooovvvee how I made the attempt to get community therapy, upon the recommendation of my counselor and psychiatrist at Bradley because I seem to still be having problems and have hit some sort of ceiling with them. I try so hard to think that they aren't abandoning me...I know they aren't. Heh, 2 years of therapy at Bradley. But I happen to be the only person in my immediate family who doesn't have health insurance, and outside therapy is like ridiculous: ~ $150 an hour session. Fuck that. I'm not sure what's going to happen. Maybe I should just quit therapy altogether. Not getting anywhere. Whatever man.
Heh...always a bad mood with me. Why can't you be happy Erik? At least content? Why oh why? Fuck you brain. fuck you
I remember saying something to my mom when I was in a depressed mood that I can't wait for the world to fucking end, like in my lifetime you know? Ha, her response actually made me laugh a little. She said I wouldn't be that lucky. How true.