(no subject)
Continued thought from July 26th 2004....
You know, i was talking to my mom the other night. And i've come to realize the reality of it all. Now I know i'm going to offend some people and they're never going to talk to me again, but i don't care. Not like they were talking to me in the first place...let alone making an EFFORT to talk to me.
What I have come to realize is that I have maybe...MAYBE...*I emphasize the maybe*...4 or 5 friends who actually take the time to try and get into contact with me. This doesn't go just since high school graduation but before that. I think the friends i had in high school were only my friends because I was dating the person i was dating. And some of those "friends" i don't think liked me to begin with, and still don't...but whatever. What I am getting at here is that the people I considered to be my friends, probably aren't.
Now i know that this can be turned around on me because I don't try and get a hold of anybody either...but i mean come on...even when i DID get ahold of anyone, no one wanted to talk to me or do anything or ever call me back. Even when I saw people and said "hey call me..." I knew i never would get the call. For some I did, but some i didn't. And here i sit contemplating the whole gist of it all. And i'm not saying i'm perfect and that i've tried getting ahold of everyone, but when i hear that people manage to get ahold of other people and most of those people know my phone number and HAVE known my phone number for quite a few years...it just gets to me after a while. I'll give an example...and i don't care who i tick off, not like anyone talks to me now as it is.
This summer, I returned some of my ex's things to him. And Julie was there...kewl, whatever i didn't care. I told her to call me sometime as i left. Never got a call. On top of that there were lots of other times she totally blew me off. Like when i would make plans with her, she would always tell me "oh i have to work." or "i already have plans with heidi." My favorite was when we would have plans already made and i would call to remind her and i'd get "i was called in to work" "i forgot i already made plans with heidi" "I'm sick" "I'm too tired and have to get up at 3am" or "i forgot" Yeah, after a while it just gets very annoying to try and make plans with your "friends" when you get blown off all the time. Yeah ok, maybe she WAS tired, sick and had to get up early...but come on...I can only take it for so long before i start to realize that i'm good enough to hang out with even when there is no one else. Like heidi...And well this past summer it was Devin, which is totally fine with me cuz i stopped trying when she made plans to go to the college with heidi on the SAME weekend i was supposed to go home and made plans with her. That was the biggest kick in the butt (and the teeth) ever.
Then there was Devin a month before school let out...I believe his exact words were..."Have a nice life. Don't talk to me because i don't like talking to liars." So I said fine and gave him what he wanted. He didn't want to be friends anymore so stopped talking to him. But of course that turned out to be my fault like everything else. I swear to this day i was not talking bad about him to anton. And the fact that I went into the house to return his stuff i'd say was a step in a good direction. I wasn't going to until his mom said something about him still wanting to be friends...but then when i got the silent treatment from both him and julie i knew neither one of them wanted anything to do with me anymore. Which is kewl, i hope they have a nice life too. I just hope people stop asking me if they are dating any time i mention either of their names. I frankly don't care, i've gotten on with my life as far as devin goes. I'm over it and i think he is too. I in fact think he was over it long before he ever broke up with me. That's a different day to vent though.
Then there are my friends who talk to me if they see me by PURE ACCIDENT! like justin this past weekend for the other justin's wedding. He's the one i never thought liked me but only pretended to because i was dating his friend.
Rey...um...when do i ever talk to him? oh yeah...never. I think everyone else is that same way.
Now i'm not saying that i don't want to be friends with any of my "friends" but i do want to know if any of them were actually my friends because they liked me and wanted to be my friend. Or if they only tolerated me because I was dating Devin. In which case...thank you all for not telling me to fuck off and pretending to like me, you sure had me fooled for the majority of 4 years. If anyone has any input into this at all feel free to post it, I like to know when i'm wrong sometimes. And I'd like to hear from just TJ for once, even though TJ is the only other person besides Julie on my friends list for this. I have nothing to gain from this and nothing to lose you know? I do have more to write but it's almost 2:30 in the morning my time.
You know, i was talking to my mom the other night. And i've come to realize the reality of it all. Now I know i'm going to offend some people and they're never going to talk to me again, but i don't care. Not like they were talking to me in the first place...let alone making an EFFORT to talk to me.
What I have come to realize is that I have maybe...MAYBE...*I emphasize the maybe*...4 or 5 friends who actually take the time to try and get into contact with me. This doesn't go just since high school graduation but before that. I think the friends i had in high school were only my friends because I was dating the person i was dating. And some of those "friends" i don't think liked me to begin with, and still don't...but whatever. What I am getting at here is that the people I considered to be my friends, probably aren't.
Now i know that this can be turned around on me because I don't try and get a hold of anybody either...but i mean come on...even when i DID get ahold of anyone, no one wanted to talk to me or do anything or ever call me back. Even when I saw people and said "hey call me..." I knew i never would get the call. For some I did, but some i didn't. And here i sit contemplating the whole gist of it all. And i'm not saying i'm perfect and that i've tried getting ahold of everyone, but when i hear that people manage to get ahold of other people and most of those people know my phone number and HAVE known my phone number for quite a few years...it just gets to me after a while. I'll give an example...and i don't care who i tick off, not like anyone talks to me now as it is.
This summer, I returned some of my ex's things to him. And Julie was there...kewl, whatever i didn't care. I told her to call me sometime as i left. Never got a call. On top of that there were lots of other times she totally blew me off. Like when i would make plans with her, she would always tell me "oh i have to work." or "i already have plans with heidi." My favorite was when we would have plans already made and i would call to remind her and i'd get "i was called in to work" "i forgot i already made plans with heidi" "I'm sick" "I'm too tired and have to get up at 3am" or "i forgot" Yeah, after a while it just gets very annoying to try and make plans with your "friends" when you get blown off all the time. Yeah ok, maybe she WAS tired, sick and had to get up early...but come on...I can only take it for so long before i start to realize that i'm good enough to hang out with even when there is no one else. Like heidi...And well this past summer it was Devin, which is totally fine with me cuz i stopped trying when she made plans to go to the college with heidi on the SAME weekend i was supposed to go home and made plans with her. That was the biggest kick in the butt (and the teeth) ever.
Then there was Devin a month before school let out...I believe his exact words were..."Have a nice life. Don't talk to me because i don't like talking to liars." So I said fine and gave him what he wanted. He didn't want to be friends anymore so stopped talking to him. But of course that turned out to be my fault like everything else. I swear to this day i was not talking bad about him to anton. And the fact that I went into the house to return his stuff i'd say was a step in a good direction. I wasn't going to until his mom said something about him still wanting to be friends...but then when i got the silent treatment from both him and julie i knew neither one of them wanted anything to do with me anymore. Which is kewl, i hope they have a nice life too. I just hope people stop asking me if they are dating any time i mention either of their names. I frankly don't care, i've gotten on with my life as far as devin goes. I'm over it and i think he is too. I in fact think he was over it long before he ever broke up with me. That's a different day to vent though.
Then there are my friends who talk to me if they see me by PURE ACCIDENT! like justin this past weekend for the other justin's wedding. He's the one i never thought liked me but only pretended to because i was dating his friend.
Rey...um...when do i ever talk to him? oh yeah...never. I think everyone else is that same way.
Now i'm not saying that i don't want to be friends with any of my "friends" but i do want to know if any of them were actually my friends because they liked me and wanted to be my friend. Or if they only tolerated me because I was dating Devin. In which case...thank you all for not telling me to fuck off and pretending to like me, you sure had me fooled for the majority of 4 years. If anyone has any input into this at all feel free to post it, I like to know when i'm wrong sometimes. And I'd like to hear from just TJ for once, even though TJ is the only other person besides Julie on my friends list for this. I have nothing to gain from this and nothing to lose you know? I do have more to write but it's almost 2:30 in the morning my time.