oh fucking A, here we go again.
Have been hating people as of late. Being pissy and bitchy and moody. 10 minute fantasies of pure voilence--just going on killing sprees in my head. God I hate myself during these times... fucked up, hard to described.
It's another one of those yearly phases where I feel numb and severed from everyone around me. I would imagine situations where I would say blunt, cruel, rude things to people, then see their aghast reaction and try to gauge a reaction from myself (guilty, embarasseed, mortified). Nothing. Not only that but aside from the blank lack of emotion, I find the shadow of a smirk on my face at the end of these fantasies. The only thing stopping me is the knowledge that this will not lead to a nice ending once my stupid numb phase is over. Hate it. Hate. It.
yes. evil, vile, laothful mandy. can go to hell for all i care.
oh look a piece of sane reason has surfaced from me out of the blue: please ignore/excuse/yell at me if i say or do something absolutely wrong. my petty self control has limits..
It's another one of those yearly phases where I feel numb and severed from everyone around me. I would imagine situations where I would say blunt, cruel, rude things to people, then see their aghast reaction and try to gauge a reaction from myself (guilty, embarasseed, mortified). Nothing. Not only that but aside from the blank lack of emotion, I find the shadow of a smirk on my face at the end of these fantasies. The only thing stopping me is the knowledge that this will not lead to a nice ending once my stupid numb phase is over. Hate it. Hate. It.
yes. evil, vile, laothful mandy. can go to hell for all i care.
oh look a piece of sane reason has surfaced from me out of the blue: please ignore/excuse/yell at me if i say or do something absolutely wrong. my petty self control has limits..